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Velvetinenut's avatar

Getting motivated - I'm taking a part-time BA course, working full time and going thru a divorce...

Asked by Velvetinenut (1372points) May 1st, 2009

Recently I just gave up doing my assignments when I got a low grade. How can I get motivated to continue studying part-time, working full-time and handling a divorce (not acrimonious). There are days when I just want to sit in front of my computer and just laze around. I also have to re-organize my store-room and den. Made a “To-do” list but have hard time adhering to it. How do you get motivated?

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Jude's avatar

Oh, wow, you sound like me. I’m going through this right now. Full-time teaching job, tutoring job on the side (3 times a week), and taking a course. I’m stressed the f@ck out.. I find that getting organized (lists) work for me. Scheduling your time is key. Taking time for yourself to regroup is important (bubble bath, glass of wine and just chill), give yourself little rewards after you’ve accomplished something. I’m tired as hell, but, I push myself to get out and get some exercise and surprisingly feel rejuvenated afterward. Try to get a half decent night’s sleep, too.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Have you got anyone to talk to? More specifically, someone to whom you can get your worries off your chest and who can be your cheerleader? Also, such a person can be someone to whom you tell what you need to do and who will (gently) hold you accountable for getting things done. Ultimately, you are your own taskmaster, but right now, you need emotional support. Please get some as soon as you can.

And baby steps. Just as an example, I live four flights up in my building. I have gained (for me) a significant amount of weight in the past year and my fitness level has gone down more than I’d like. I decided to start taking the stairs up as part of my overall plan of fitness. My roommate E, who’s also my friend, will ask me at the end of the day if I’ve taken the stairs, if I’ve done my couch to 5K training and so on.

I’ve told myself when I feel winded at the top of the third landing that it doesn’t matter how quickly I get up the stairs, but that I get there. Eventually, I won’t be winded either. It’s literally one step at a time. And you will get there too! Eh, so you don’t do the whole storeroom in one go, you do a corner today. At least that corner’s done, right? Right.

Good luck!

Jude's avatar

I second aprilsimnel, if you have someone to talk to and unload on a bit, that would be good. They could be there to give you support and that little push that you need when you feel as though you’re about to lose your mind and give up on things that you are trying to accomplish..

Velvetinenut's avatar

Wow! jmah and aprilsimnel, thanks for your replies. That perked me up quite a bit. You’re right. Scheduling is important, baby steps and the emotional support. I don’t really have a close friend to talk about this (I do have close friends but am not able to get good advice on this subject) but have a couple of people I can approach. I just hope my lecturers accepts my very late overdued assignments…


Dragonface: First half of your advice is good, won’t comment on the second half.

benjaminlevi's avatar

It is really hard to stay motivated when the effort you put into your studies doesn’t seem to correlate with higher grades. What I do is I just make “rules” that I have to follow no matter how much I hate them, like “no internet until my paper is done” or “I only get a 30minute video game break every two hours”. Its like banging your head against the wall but thats the only way I can make myself do my schoolwork.

Speaking of which, I have to go fix my final draft of this paper thats due in less than seven hours. (Oh, and locking myself in the library helps too, because even if I am on internet I am much less likely to go on facebook or here. And its boring there so I might as well get it done.)

wundayatta's avatar

The only thing that ever works for me is a deadline that I believe is real.

flameboi's avatar

First, welcome to fluther
Then, when all the stupid world was against me and nothing worked out, I bought a time piece, the most expensive I could affort, just to cheer up everythime I checked the hour, as I did it constantly it turned out to be the best for me, it was like having a little voice saying “hey, f*** the world, you are doing great! keep moving!”

cwilbur's avatar

You’re probably trying to do too much, and burning out as a result. Set yourself goals and rewards, and when you finish a task, don’t immediately take on another.

Once you’re done with the divorce, then go back to your college studies.

Velvetinenut's avatar

Thanks, peeps.

Velvetinenut's avatar

Okay, I’ve decided to put my part-time studies on hold until I finish my outstanding assignments and getting my divorce out of the way. I think I had been pushing myself too hard with not much support. My classmates aren’t too helpful and most of the time they are younger than I am (generation gap). I might be taking a trip to Dallas, Texas, Florida and San Francisco in 2.5 weeks’ time. Yay!!!

I have also begun clearing out my walk-in closet. Packing away my STBX’s stuff is theraputic (like a closure). Cleaned out a couple of my kitchen drawers too. Felt good to be able to take care of my house again and taking baby steps.

Thank you for all your advice. Made me feel that I am not as alone as I felt before and that I can do it but not as fast and as much as I wanted to. :-)

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