General Question

Strauss's avatar

How can I keep a young'n from doing something stoopid?

Asked by Strauss (20580points) May 8th, 2009

My nephew is moving to be with his twin sister. She was the victim of spousal abuse, and called her brother to ask him to come stay with her for a while. Husband is in jail, and out of the picture for the time being, but I’m afraid that when he gets out, nephew will want to take matters into his own hands. Wife and I raised these two since they were seven, and biomom is out of the picture.

Niece called wife today and told her the situation. Wife made arrangements for nephew to get flight, etc. While wife is at work doing all this, nephew asks if he can borrow Dremel to sharpen knife! Loooooooooong talk. Did not allow nephew to borrow sharpening tool, wife did not allow him to pack knife. My last words at airport were, “Good luck! I love you. Give my love to your sis. And don’t do anything stupid!

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12 Answers

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

Well it sounds like you’ve done what you can do. A piece of advice I heard comes to mind. “I can tell you where the land mines are, but you’re still going to step on them.”

YARNLADY's avatar

Help them get a restraining order against the spouse, and perhaps find another place to live.

oratio's avatar

Have a talk with his sister. Maybe he will listen to her. I don’t think she wants her brother to go away for life or the needle. The moment you pick up a weapon you have to be ready to use it. In your mind you already have.

justwannaknow's avatar

You can not. All you can do is try to guide them and help them understand the consequences of their actions and pray they listen. He will just go buy another knife and sharpen it if that is what he is determined to do. It would be better to let his twin sister know what is up as she will have more influence on him than you will.

DragonFace's avatar

If his sister wants it done then oh well. Its all in her hands to try to talk him out of it. Nobody should beat on a woman so her husband deserves whatever he gets.

oratio's avatar

@DragonFace A bit much maybe, that’s for the law to handle.

cak's avatar

@DragonFace Then another person’s life is ruined by going to jail.

One, you did what you could, when you know he’s there – call him again. Remind him that doing harm will do no good. It’s just going to further the cycle of violence. You all should b working on convincing the sister to leave, instead of involving other people in a dangerous situation. She needs safety, not more danger.

Triiiple's avatar

@DragonFace I Agree, you should be on the flight with your Nephew and a louieville slugger.

Dorkgirl's avatar

How old are the niece & nephew? If they are young, your presence and/or additional guidance may be necessary. If they are older (maybe late 20s or into their 30s), then perhaps you let the chips fall where they may if you have done all you can to influence their choices.
Good luck and I hope no additional harm comes to any of these family members.

Strauss's avatar

Thanks, all, for the advice. The twins are 22, and they are under most circumstances, as level headed as most 22-year-olds can be. I talked to them both briefly yesterday, and it seems they are more interested in getting their individual lives together and moving on than any type of revenge.
The abuse was did not involve any major physical trauma, but niece was hit, and it was done in anger, and that was enough for her.

I think niece and nephew are about to experienced some truly awesome times together.

Strauss's avatar

Guess what! They’re coming back to be near family. Niece has tied up all loose ends as far as separation, and has gotten notice she’s getting laid off—but that’s another story . Nephew just doesn’t like that area.

YARNLADY's avatar

@Yetanotheruser thanks for the update.

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