General Question

delta77's avatar

Some people tell me it is really hard to find "the one". Others tell me "there are plenty of fish in the sea". So what is it, dammit!

Asked by delta77 (196points) May 23rd, 2009
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

18 Answers

oratio's avatar

There is no “The One” waiting for you out there. There are many who can be “The One”. They are in the sea. Both are true statements. It’s hard to find someone who loves you enough to put up with you.

kevbo's avatar

According to my dad’s cousin who was a widower and then remarried, there’s more than one.

As corny as it sounds, learn to know and love yourself and you will attract someone who can be “the one” for you. In the meantime, experience and appreciate other people and make mental (or literal) notes of what does and doesn’t work for you. Finally, keep yourself open to meeting someone who does.

syz's avatar

I was serial, long-term monogamist and it always ended badly. Then I decided I was quite happy on my own, complete and self sufficient, and only then did I find my other half.

kevbo's avatar

Ah, the joys and pitfalls of serial monogamy. I’m with you, @syz.

Supacase's avatar

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Maybe there is “The One” somewhere in that massive ocean, maybe not. You can spend your entire life looking for “The One” and pass up some perfectly good, even wonderful, opportunities for a fulfilling life.

Not being with “The One” doesn’t mean you are doomed for an unhappy, lonely life of longing. Choosing to be with someone you don’t think is “The One” isn’t settling. We can love more than one person in this life and I honestly believe that we can make a choice to love someone (to a point – there has to be attraction, respect and affection already present.)

Infatuation can often lead us to give ourselves to the wrong person. Being able to look beyond infatuation to choose a more suitable mate that will result in a lasting and meaningful relationship is what I mean by being able to choose love.

As my mom said, “Love is not like Danielle Steele novels.” Sometimes love turns out to be completely different that the picture we have had in our heads all our lives. And, I can tell you from experience, that sometimes finding “The One” is more of a curse than a blessing. :-/

chelseababyy's avatar

I believe there’s more than one, but there are definitely plenty fish. I spent 4 years with a guy I thought I loved, that I thought was the one. Nope. He wasn’t. We broke up, and I was just being single and having fun. Meeting people, not getting too serious, and of course when I WASN’T looking to be in a relationship, when I LEAST expected it, a guy walks right into my life. That was over a year ago, and we’ve been together ever since. I never KNEW love til I met him. I was with a few guys in between them, and I’m sure I could have gotten serious, and things could have led on from there. But it didn’t.

AstroChuck's avatar

Leading experts behind the World Register of Marine Species estimate that about 230,000 marine species are known to science with likely three times as many unknown. Now, granted these aren’t all fish species, but I think it’s safe to say that there are well over a trillion fish in the world’s waters. So I would say that those who’ve told you that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” have a leg up.

Dog's avatar

“There are plenty of fish in the sea” applies when you are with a jerk.

“It is hard to find ‘the one’” applies after you have gone through a school of fish.

I, like @syz, have found that the best way to happiness is to be content without. Oddly enough it seems to attract “the right one” when you are confident and happy and not looking.

susanc's avatar

I didn’t find my good husband till I was 35. Now he’s gone. He was and is my true love.
And STILL, we struggled, we fought, we misunderstood, we had short separations. Just noting here that you and “the one” aren’t necessarily going to paradise.

Jeruba's avatar

Think about what you mean by “The One.” Is that someone who is a fairy-tale prince (or princess, if you’re looking for a woman), an ideal of perfection, perpetually handsome, gallant, and charming, and who will also adore you unquestioningly no matter what you do, even when sharing a bathroom with you and eventually seeing you gray and wrinkled and with false teeth? Or is it someone down-to-earth like you, with some great qualities and also some rough spots, good days and bad days, and even occasional bad breath in the morning?

If the prince(ss), forget it, there isn’t one, or if there is, he’s (she’s) taken.

(And nobody’s harder to live with than somebody who’s perfect. You would not enjoy it.)

If the real man (or woman), there’s more than one, but you don’t need to find them all; you can stop after you’ve found one. You’ll know because the fairy-tale magic will be there, and your good qualities and rough spots will match up pretty well with his (hers). You’ll both still have to forgive and overlook some things and work on others.

But if something tragic happens and it turns out not to be forever, you still have another chance.

So the answer is: there are plenty of fish in the sea, and quite a few of them could be The One.

And sometimes they’re not hard to find at all. If you concentrate on being the best You that you can be, then the one who’s looking for you will know when to stop looking.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

There is no “one”.

All there is, is the desire to have sex and procreate so we can bring another life into our cycle of perpetual suffering.

syz's avatar

Whoa! Someone’s having a bad day!

ubersiren's avatar

Sort of both. There are a lot of fish in the sea, but many of them are dead and stinky. You might know “the one” when you see him/her and you might not. In my case, I married a man, then realized he was “the one.” I have 2 best friends who are high school sweethearts. It depends. But do yourself a favor and don’t compare yourself to ANYONE else… it will only make you sad and desperate. Rarely do things happen the way you expect, the way it’s “supposed” to, in order, and in ways that make everyone happy. The sooner you really absorb that, the happier you’ll be. Good luck.

fireside's avatar

I agree with everyone who says to relax and not try so hard.

You are “the one” that you need to find first. Once you do that, it will be just a matter of time before someone sneaks up on you. Not trying led me to what I believe will be the best relationship of my life.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

“The one” comes through work/love/hate/tears/sweat/ and a lot of sex. “The one” is one of those many fish. You’re better off choosing which one instead of waiting for fate to decide.

Jack79's avatar

The latter. The idea that there is one person out there you are perfect with and finding them is a life quest, and once you’ve found them it’s all over…? just a myth.

In reality, you have different degrees of compatibility with everyone in the world. Which means that with some people you are so incompatible that it would be very hard work to make things work, to the point where it’s not worth it. And then there could be “the one”, a person whom you get along with so easily, that you hardly have to make any compromises. But whoever you’re with, you still have to “water the plant of love” everyday. And respect each other. And you’ll be fine :)

Disc2021's avatar

@Dog I like.

This is one of those things that are both true and false, and neither true nor false. Nobody knows.

Snorkledorf's avatar

I don’t like the idea of “The One” itself, but more for reasons of that whole idea feeling yucky when I point it in any other direction.

If there’s one single perfect mate for me out there in the world, then that means that everybody else in the entire world is automatically relegated to a kind of second-class status. Without me even having had the courtesy of meeting them before I judge them unworthy. That feels awful to me. I don’t want to spend my life thinking that way about billions of people.

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