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MrAnonymous's avatar

When is it appropriate to bring up sex?

Asked by MrAnonymous (20points) May 30th, 2009

Ok, please don’t give me any of this “when it feels right” stuff, because it never feels right. A lot of my talk is about normal stuff (as if I am talking to a friend), so there is no wonder why most girls view me as a friend or “just there.” I’de hardly talk about it even with my ex’s (at the time). I feel this is what seperates bf\fb material from just there material. Since even my sex-ful relationships sucked I have nothing to base off of.

Anyway, when is it appropriate to bring up sex, expecially when talking to women online.

Now everything I read online says “don’t mention it” or “its rude” but from what I see in real life (friends and such), people text, online, and talk about it all the time. I’m getting conflicting sources of information and I do not know which one to believe.

I think Fluther can give me a “real life” sample, so Fluther, What to do?

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19 Answers

cyn's avatar

whenever you feel like it

hearkat's avatar

That will depend greatly on the person you are interacting with. Another factor is the type of relationship that you are looking for and what she is looking for as well.

When I have tried online dating, there were times guys brought the subject up quickly, and in a manner that made it clear to me that they only wanted to get laid. But guys who spent time getting to know me as a person first, showed that they were looking for a relationship and not just a roll in the hay.

There were times when the subject would come up quickly, but in a flirtatious way or with innuendo… that was OK, but where they went from there made a big difference. And my response would let them know that I am not some prude or have sexual hang-ups.

So if you are interacting with a woman, and you enjoy what she has to say about other topics, then look for opportunities to work the sexual or physical references into the conversation. If she says she’s tired, you could comment about wishing you were there to give her a massage, or to draw her a nice hot bath, or something of that nature. But don’t say anything that isn’t true to who you are and how you would really behave in a relationship. Always be true to yourself.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Each person is different. I’d just take each conversation as being one step at a time. It will come up eventually if you get to regularly talk to someone via a PM. A friend of mine on here & I started talking about it quite soon. I asked him how he knew he could talk about it with me & he said he could tell from my posts. ??? I didn’t realize I was giving away so much of myself, but I guess I did. If you DO start talking about sex & she responds back in kind, then you’ll know it’s okay. If she doesn’t respond about it at all or gives negative feedback, then I’d back off.

SirBailey's avatar

If you’re looking for a “rule” then you’re not gonna find one ANYWHERE. There are no hard (pun not intended) and fast rules. Some women will run away if you bring it up too soon (another pun?), some will run away if you don’t bring it up

Darwin's avatar

Wait until you are on her couch, her roommates aren’t home, and she is kissing you with tongue and trying to remove your clothing. That is generally one time it usually feels right.

Response moderated
oratio's avatar

@MrAnonymous You are sure Darwin is a guy are you? Maybe if you were nice, you would get sex more often.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@MrAnonymous Yes, Darwin is a woman.

MrAnonymous's avatar

Heh. Edit then. Darwin just sounds like such a “guy name” lol (Charles… not Chelsea Darwin).

EDIT: Won’t let me edit the previous response. so

”......everyone Lurve this girl. [/claps] (no pun)”

oratio's avatar

@MrAnonymous Yes. It’s much more ok to say that to a guy. (How is that for sarcasm?)

Jude's avatar

Before you slip her the twenty?

SirBailey's avatar

Twenty? Where? Where??

figbash's avatar

I guess I’m wondering what you want to bring up about it?

Do you want to talk to her about her past? What kind of a relationship she has with it? Whether or not she wants to have it with you or do you just want to make dirty little jokes?

I would guess that based on what you want out of the conversation, you would have to tailor that conversation to the person you’re speaking with. Whatever you do though, don’t go into explicit details of sex you’ve had with other women.

cyn's avatar


20 for 2 minutes!
i would prefer $500
tips not included

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I’m with @figbash: confused. Are you talking about bringing up sex with someone you’re dating or with just anyone you’re talking to online? Or with a female friend you’re not dating, but you want to have sex with? And is the subject of this question just generally talking about sex, as in “I like sex, my favorite room to have sex in is the living room” or are you talking about bringing up sex as a possible activity for the two of you to do together?

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Are you saying you’re trying to figure out how to transition from talking about current events to random sex? If you’re having problems with this, then chances are you come across as a nice guy (good thing) and should perhaps give up the idea of becoming the king of booty calls, and work on getting a keeping a girlfriend. That, usually, has less to do with sex and more with being a good boyfriend.

Clair's avatar

whenever you want/feel it is right. she may be wanting to hear it as much as you want to say it. you need to get those views out in the open anyway. it’s just sex. eveybody’s doing it…

wundayatta's avatar

For a while, I was having problems getting any in my marriage. When I wrote about that online, women seemed to pop up all over the place who were having similar problems. It seemed relatively natural for things to move in a more intimate direction after that. I think there are a lot of hurting people out there, and they tend to band together.

Also, when I was manic, I was much more sensitive to the nuances of people’s comments. It was so weird because this ability couldn’t be further from the way I am in real life. Online, I can be a Casanova (although I don’t think I ever will be again), but in real life—well, being married kind of makes that out of the question, but even if I weren’t married, I wouldn’t have a clue about how to meet women, in person. I think that online, people give me a chance so they can get a sense of who I am because they can’t see me. In real life, people don’t seem to see me, except when I am specifically introduced by someone they know well.

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