Social Question

alphadelta17131's avatar

I am sexually attracted to an under aged girl. What do I do?

Asked by alphadelta17131 (14points) July 22nd, 2014

I am 22 soon to be 23 and I met this girl online under the pretence she was 18. later I found out she is 14 and now I am “under her spell”.

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64 Answers

AshLeigh's avatar

Don’t do anything with her, until she’s 18.
So soon in your relationship, and she’s already lying. Getting involved with her at all would be a bad idea, if you ask me. But if you really want to pursue a relationship with her, wait until she’s 18.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

She’s obviously trouble, if she’s going to lie to you about such a serious matter. Stay far away.

You should also never allow yourself to be “under the spell” of a woman. You’ll end up weak, controlled, and unhappy. Enter a relationship as an equal, and things will be great.

gondwanalon's avatar


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filmfann's avatar

She’s 14. You have to ask?

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Stay well away. Avoid any contact and behave like an adult.

AshlynM's avatar

Age of consent varies by state. You might be forced to register as a sex offender if you try anything with her now and I don’t think you want that.

livelaughlove21's avatar

What do you do? Nothing at all, that’s what! Keep it in your pants. She’s a child.

ucme's avatar

Have a word with yourself instead of asking strangers, it’s a no-brainer.

chyna's avatar

Does jail appeal to you? Stay far, far away. In fact, never contact her again. This could be a police sting operation. Chris Hansen could be outside filming the whole thing.

LuckyGuy's avatar

YOU DON’T DO A DAMN THING!! In New York state if you are over 21 and have sex with someone under 17 that is considered Rape 3rd. EVEN IF SHE INSISTS IT IS OK!!! All the District Attorney needs to do is get an admission from both of you and a copy of your birth certificates to get a conviction. Class E felony. Prison, and being registered as a sex offender – for life.
Under 15 and that bumps it up to a Class D felony with more jail time.

Protect yourself. Right now!!! All communication is recorded EVERYTHING you ever wrote to her has been recorded and will be used against you!!! If she sends you a pictur,e you are in possession of child porn even if you never asked her to send it!!!
Tell her to stop. Tell her to stop! Tell her she is under age and you are not interested. Do this all in writing and print out copies!

We have a family friend over 21 who had consensual sex with his GF 10 days before her 17th birthday. His life is ruined.
In retrospect, the day he found out her age he should have told her to stop – and he should have told her parents. You should too.

jca's avatar

No sex is worth going to jail for. Don’t be a fool. Don’t throw your life away for anything. Read what @LuckyGuy wrote and think about all of the consequences and how none of it is worth it. There are many fish in the sea. Remember that everything written on the computer is traceable back to you somehow, some way.

Don’t think with your dick. Think with your head.

elbanditoroso's avatar

If you are dumb enough to do anything (see above responses), can you trust her to keep her mouth shut?

You are less likely to be spotted by someone else (and reported on). It’s more likely that she will tell her friends what she is doing, or her parents will observe something in her behavior, or similar. So is she completely and utterly trustworthy at age 14? I doubt it.

You and only you are responsible for your actions.

ragingloli's avatar

Stay clear of the honeypot. The bees are especially stingy today.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Jeeze, don’t even consider it.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Who knows what else that little liar can get you into! Be careful, one wrong step can have you running around in circles!

zenvelo's avatar

Along with everyone else’s advice about staying the hell away from her, two more things:

1. Consider talking to a lawyer to establish that you broke it off once you learned her age. (You have broken it off, haven’t you?) If anything blows up, you need to be protected. If her parents or the police investigate her computer, you will have to answer a lot of questions.

2. This is the hard one – you need to take a deep look at what a 14 year old could possibly communicate to you that would hold your interest. Unless she was copying something out of some book, I really doubt you could be under her sway.

FlyingWolf's avatar

Run, don’t walk far, far away. Being under her spell could cost you your entire future, no piece of tail is worth that.

Michael_Huntington's avatar

Humbert, is that you?
Not a damn thing, that’s what.

dappled_leaves's avatar

The phrase “under her spell” makes it sound like she is in control of your attraction for her, like you can claim not to be responsible for your own actions. You know perfectly well that this is bullshit. It won’t fly here, and it most certainly won’t fly in a court of law.

The reason that this girl can’t legally consent is that she is a child. I think you need to ask yourself how you could even consider having sex or an adult relationship with a child, and then claim that you couldn’t control yourself. Get some therapy, before it lands you in trouble with the law and, much more importantly, before you ruin the lives of any young girls.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Take comfort in the fact that she has provided you with an out.

She misrepresented herself. She’s not someone to be involved with regardless of her age.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

^^ And before you ruin your own life.

Like so called extinction and so called diamonds,

Sex Offender status is forever.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Here is bit of info for NY Source

Our friend was “only” charged with a Class E felony and is considered the lowest, least dangerous, least likely to recommit an offense, sex offender.

In your case, since she is under 15 you will be charged with Class D felony and you will be considered the next level up offender. That will require neighborhood notification, monitoring, monitoring of your phone and computer usage and a whole host of other restrictions.

Here are just a couple of the laws. Read them carefully.

S 130.40 Criminal sexual act in the third degree.
A person is guilty of criminal sexual act in the third degree when:
1. He or she engages in oral sexual conduct or anal sexual conduct
with a person who is incapable of consent by reason of some factor other
than being less than seventeen years old;
2. Being twenty-one years old or more, he or she engages in oral
sexual conduct or anal sexual conduct with a person less than seventeen
years old; or
3. He or she engages in oral sexual conduct or anal sexual conduct
with another person without such person’s consent where such lack of
consent is by reason of some factor other than incapacity to consent.
Criminal sexual act in the third degree is a class E felony.

S 130.45 Criminal sexual act in the second degree.
A person is guilty of criminal sexual act in the second degree when:
1. being eighteen years old or more, he or she engages in oral sexual
conduct or anal sexual conduct with another person less than fifteen
years old; or
2. he or she engages in oral sexual conduct or anal sexual conduct
with another person who is incapable of consent by reason of being
mentally disabled or mentally incapacitated.
It shall be an affirmative defense to the crime of criminal sexual act
in the second degree as defined in subdivision one of this section that
the defendant was less than four years older than the victim at the time
of the act.
Criminal sexual act in the second degree is a class D felony.

CWMcCall's avatar

Go speeding in your car after you rob a liquor store and sell pot on the corner outside a police station. If you have to ask strangers whether you should break the law or not go out big while you are banging an underage girl.

marinelife's avatar

Cut it off immediately. Cease all contact with her. Doesn’t it gross you out that she’s only 14? Still has dolls?

FlyingWolf's avatar

I have a 14 year-old and honestly, the thought of him hanging out with a 22–23 year-old makes me shudder – even if it was a same sex friend. I really can’t help but wonder what someone in their 20’s would want to do with a 14 year-old. @marinelife is so right, it is just gross.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Sorry, but that ridiculous. You can’t possibly have anything in common with an 8th grader. You’re just thinking about the sex, and that’s disgusting.

syz's avatar

Get the hell away. There is no “under her spell”, there is only self control. So get the hell away.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I would take two other precautions:

1) Line up a good lawyer in advance. You’ll need one.

2) Prepare your will, NOW. Prison inmates don’t treat child molesters well, from what I have read.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

Let’s try another angle, everyone is telling you to stay away from her, and it is GREAT advice but you really like her and are under her spell, so …
Sure go for it have a super time, but remember she will only be your girlfriend for a very short time, THEN it will be your turn to be someones girlfriend for a very long time, get the point?

jca's avatar

Did you ever meet her in person yet?

If you do, bring a toothbrush, because your next stop will be a jail cell.

ARE_you_kidding_me's avatar

Read the following review
Replace the mailbox charge with rape.

Kardamom's avatar

Watch To Catch a Predator a few times if you want to find out what will happen to you if you continue to talk to her, or even worse, if you get into a sexual relationship with her. If you’ve talked dirty to her or sent naughty pictures of yourself to her, or received naughty pictures from her, whether or not you asked for them, you’re already in violation of the law.

Break it off with her immediately and tell her it’s because you didn’t know she was under age. I would advise talking with a lawyer, too.

kritiper's avatar

Get over it! With luck, that attraction will pass. If it doesn’t, avoid her.
It seems to me that certain attraction is somewhat normal ( no criticisms, please!) considering that society puts boys and girls together in junior and high school and boys notice the sexuality of girls at that age. And I don’t think we ever get over it, although we may deny it.
“Remember who you are!”

Eggie's avatar

Stay away from her and look elsewhere. She is only trouble for you.

Coloma's avatar

Stay away! Need you even ask!!!???
Lets count the ways this could ruin your life.

1.Statutory rape charges
2.Sex offender charges
3.Both of the above and possibly a pregnancy to boot if you are foolish enough to throw caution and ethics to the wind.
4. All 3 of the above PLUS…her father, brothers, uncle, grandpa, beating the living daylights out of you.

KNOWITALL's avatar

AT 23, i’m sure you can find a girl over 18. Ask her parents what they think, or yours. Get it straight, it’s creepy.

reijinni's avatar

Forget about her and look elsewhere.

jca's avatar

Look at what happens to someone in one of my local counties:

21 year old met 14 year old that he corresponded with on Facebook. He is now facing felonies:

SecondHandStoke's avatar

GA @Coloma

I can’t believe I forgot to mention quick and dirty justice at the hands of concerned civilians.

Coloma's avatar

@SecondHandStoke Oh man, if I caught some 22–23 year old guy pursuing my 14 yr. old daughter, well….I’ll give him 3 steps towards the door before all hell broke loose. lol

DrasticDreamer's avatar

You’re not under her spell. You’re an adult, she is a child. That automatically places the power in your hands. The only manipulating that can take place now is if you manipulate her. Act like an adult, do the right thing, and just stay the hell away – for moral and legal reasons.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

^ Age of consent is a legal, but not moral construct.

Dutchess_III's avatar

There is a morality behind the law, @SecondHandStoke.

Dutchess_III's avatar

In this case there is a good, moral reason behind it.

Now, morality itself is a human construct, but I think it’s necessary in every society. Sometimes the morality is good (protecting children) and sometimes it’s bad (like legalized slavery because those enslaved are sub-human, or denying certain members of a society the right to vote.)

jca's avatar

No matter what our personal opinions are regarding the law, it is what it is and to break it = legal consequences. Not worth it, in my opinion. There are many fish in the sea. Is the OP so desperate that he has to manipulate a minor in order to have a relationship?

SecondHandStoke's avatar

I agree with @elbanditoroso

Sometimes law has a moral basis.

It’s what is meant by “In God We Trust”, the idea that a greater moral consensus exists above even the Law.

“God” being a conveniently understood concept.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

I also agree that you should speak with a lawyer, if only to keep you from using a phrase such as “under her spell” in front of an investigator or jury.

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syz's avatar

Is it the FBI that has agents pretend to be children online when they’re trolling for pedophiles?

elbanditoroso's avatar

@syz – if that’s so, then this schmuck who asked the question provoked lots of legal, upstanding citizens to give him good advice.

I have to see, since he has been quiet ever since he posted the question, if he was a troll in the first place. It wouldn’t be the first time than someone has played mind games on a social network

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Pazza's avatar

Wait an till she grows up????????!!!!!!!..........
honestly…..... sometimes I really do wonder…....

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El_Cadejo's avatar

[Mod Says] Please try and keep it on topic. If you want to discuss the morality of drug legalization please ask another question about that.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Under aged girls.

Is that a thing?

Response moderated
beefish's avatar


Eggie's avatar

Sex is not the only thing in life. Do the right thing and leave her alone. She’s too young to be your luva. Now go, spray on some nice cologne, take a haircut and dress nice and find yourself a girl around your age (18–30). Treat her well, marry her and have some kids with her. You deserve companionship not an underage trap.

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