General Question

essieness's avatar

What is an appropriate age to leave your baby with a coworker overnight so you can go out with friends?

Asked by essieness (7698points) June 7th, 2009

I am of the opinion that a three week old baby should not be left with anyone overnight, much less a coworker whom the mother has only known a few months. Granted, I don’t have children, but I couldn’t imagine leaving my newborn overnight with someone I barely know so I could get drunk.

Am I alone in this thought?

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23 Answers

Jeruba's avatar

This does not sound like the act of a responsible parent. The best I can say for this young woman, who does sound very young and immature indeed, is that she provided for the baby’s care instead of getting drunk while on duty.

Aethelwine's avatar

If it was for another reason, maybe. But to go out and get drunk? This just sounds terrible. Especially since this person has only known the coworker for a few short months.

AnnieOakley's avatar

Depends on if she is nursing – which I would hope she would be for the health of her baby (an not consume alcohol on her overnight break for the same reason), and depends upong exactly how well she knows the person and what their level of knowledge and skill with regard to caring for a child are.

A brief break is acceptable – particularly because the first few months can be so exhausting. But I would encourage her to have someone come over to help out so she could catch up on her sleep – not go out partying. Sounds like she is young and immature.

Likeradar's avatar

Sounds pretty irresponsible. It’s not the worst thing a new mom could do, but it sure as hell isn’t the best. Moms definitley need a break, but in my head that’s more along the lines of a spa day, a long lunch with a good friend, or some baby-free shopping or bath time. Going out and getting wasted is a sign of where her head is. I think @AnnieOakley gave a great answer.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I’m with you on this one, @essieness. Three weeks old is too young to be left with anyone overnight. Heck, a three week old baby is not sleeping through the night. This is a huge imposition to put on a non-family member, not to mention the risk of SIDS.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Coworker? Not a chance in hell
You’d be hard pressed to make me leave my 3 week old over night with anyone, whatsoever
I’d freak out all the time

essieness's avatar

So basically, you girls are saying if this were an LOLCat entry, the caption would say:

“Parenting: You’re doin’ it wrong.”

Sorry, I’m in a snarky mood. Thanks for all the honest answers. I thought I was thinking along the right lines.

Darwin's avatar

Once we got our daughter home from the hospital she didn’t get to spend the night with someone other than me or my husband until she was 5 years old. Then, she started to spend the night at her cousin’s house, and when my husband had emergency heart surgery, at her grandparents house.

We worked hard to have babies. We didn’t want to share them for the longest time, and certainly not with someone we didn’t know very, very well.

casheroo's avatar

I didn’t leave my son alone until I had to go to the dentist, I left him with my parents and was a mess. I don’t think we ever left him with a non-family member until ummmm, he must have been close to a year. Andf that was only twice but I felt uncomfortable with it. I always have my parents do it, because I trusted them the most and my son adores them.

I think it’s crazy, just absolutely insane. is it because you and b/f wouldn’t do it?? blah, she’s crazy.

YARNLADY's avatar

I would not suggest leaving a child that young with a casual acquaintance.

Have you prepared the signed permission slip to allow medical attention if necessary, with the doctor’s name and phone number, and the child’s medical account number?

Will there be an emergency list of people to call?

Does this person have experience with infants?

If you have answered no to any of these, do not leave the baby.

cak's avatar

There is no way on this planet I would ever have considered leaving my 3wk old with anyone overnight, not even a family member. My goodness, what if something happened, and this mom was out toasted, what the hell? What in the world use would she be to any ER doctor, or the child.


Darwin's avatar

@cak – When my daughter was in the hospital between the ages of 10 and 20 days, I stayed with her. No way did I trust anyone to look after her right, including hospital staff. In fact, I kept waking up to make sure she was there and breathing.

YARNLADY's avatar

When my son and his wife had their first baby, they lived right here in my house and would never consider leaving the baby with me, even though he was not nursing, until he was several months old, for longer than an hour.

cak's avatar

@Darwin – Exactly.

At about 3yrs old, my son had the rotovirus, I hope never to encounter that again! For those that don’t know, nothing stays down, at either end…it’s like eating something and it immediately coming back up – or flying out the other end. Anyway, he got so dehydrated in 12hrs (after going to the doctor, being cleared and sent home), we took him to the ER and he was admitted. I had just been released from the hospital, but refused to go home and rest, like I was told to do several times. That was my child in there. I needed to stay with him. When he woke up that night, touched my hand and asked for jello – he was happy to see me there.

I know the nurses are trained, I know the staff is there…but I am a firm believer in family care!

essieness's avatar

Update: We now think the baby didn’t stay with the coworker, but was in fact at the house with the mom while she was getting trashed. The girl who supposedly kept the baby (and her boyfriend who lives with her) both worked tonight along with myself and the dad (my boyfriend) and neither of them mentioned having kept the baby overnight. I’m pretty sure she would have mentioned something to either my boyfriend or someone else had she kept him overnight, but nothing was said. This really scares me… but my hands are tied. He’s not my baby, so it’s technically not my business, but I just can’t help but worry about his safety and well being if she’s going to start pulling this kind of crap this early on in his life.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

This is your boyfriend’s child?

essieness's avatar

@PandoraBoxx Supposedly. Of that, we’re not exactly sure. There’s going to be a paternity test soon. In the meantime, he is acting as the child’s father, but hasn’t been able to see him much.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Self moderation.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

(I made a snarky comment about women who are guilted into having babies they’re not emotionally ready to care for, and then thought the better of it.)

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I couldn’t leave a baby that young with anyone except in an emergency but then I’m an unpopular hardass on people who have kids- don’t have them if you aren’t up to taking proper car of them.

essieness's avatar

@PandoraBoxx This was definitely a case of not being ready to care for the child. Guilted into keeping it by her family (adoption was the original plan) and in attempt to keep the father in her life. It’s very sad for the baby.

sakura's avatar

This sounds like a very sad case, I am feeling a little guilty because my mum and dad helped out with my daughter when she was younger (4months) so me and my hubby could go out on a works Christmas do. I trusted them completly they brought me and my 6 other siblings up and countless other foster chidlren/childcare children, some with very disturbing backgrounds in life and survived!!So why wouldn’t my child, their grandchild be safe with them?
Back to the question, I think it is unfair for tehe child to have been born into this situation, nut unfortunatly we live in a world where this can happen. I don;t think we should judge too harshly without knowing teh girl, but it does seem a little worrying that she may have left her child with someone she hardly knows. However your update suggests she was in her own home and had the forsight to think about what would happen to her child if she had a few too many (a good thing possibly as she is thinking about the child?) I had the unfortunate event have having to take a very drunk mum home with her daughter (whitness her drop the child) Another member of the public who was helping me at the time rang the police as she was in no fit state to look after the child/ threatening to kill herself etc.. She had been drinking for most of teh day! Surely this is worse?
Who knows I hope all goes well and paternity is proved in the direction you want it too. Just be there when needed and try to remain clam as there is nothing worse than people fighting over who loves teh baby the most as this often leaves the baby feeling more unloved than ever because all teh witness is argument after argument of which they are the cause!

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