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Thaicat's avatar

Why is it hard to meet genuine people?

Asked by Thaicat (31points) June 25th, 2009

I am a very social person. I enjoy helping others without sticking my nose too far in and people come to me for advice and understanding.They call me often to talk and for help. I am also very honest, but never in a nasty way. I express what needs to be said in a way others can understand without sticking the knife in further. I love helping animals and others with life problems and have taken up Psychology. I am also very honest with myself and I know I can be so honest people seem to be afraid to be honest with me. I think they feel if they have been dishonest in the start, that I will flip, which is not the case, I always explain it’s the lies that I havent got time for. I find it hard to meet genuine people, they say they will call, or go for a drink but never do. They ask my brother who is outwardly selfish (but i love him) and does not consider anyones feelings but his own. Hes committed fraud, lies to me, spends every single night at a couples house he knows and never considers they might want time alone. Yet he gets invited over all the time. I never done anything wrong to them. A friend once said, “leave silly people like that alone, they dont deserve your genuine friendship” but why is it genuine people are few and far between? Im so social and love life, yet im always left behind.

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37 Answers

Clair's avatar

Story of my life. I don’t get it either but I know some genius around here will explain it well and I’ll have to give them massive lurve.
Look! Here’s one now!
Welcome to Fluther by the way!

Tink's avatar

Because not everyone can meet your expectations
@Clair – Me? ;)

DeanV's avatar

Somebody’s going to say “Because People Suck”. Might as well be me.

I can’t tell you why, but if it makes you feel any better, just wait and someone will show up. Somebody always does.

Thaicat's avatar

Expectations is a good point, I dont expect anything from them just that they can be honest when it matters I guess.I dont reject anyone who needs helps, unless I feel they are not ready for it. I hope somebody shows up for sure :)

Clair's avatar

@Tink1113 Well that’s just not true at all. I have this same issue. Most people just don’t want to some their true selves. Not necessarily an intimate side, they’re just so used to putting on a mask all the time.
They’re not living up to their full potential.
I think, that’s hard to put into words.

Tink's avatar

@Clair -Ive been there before but it was mostly my fault at some point

skfinkel's avatar

Stay true to yourself, be available to people, seek out those you think you might like and befriend them, avoid the ones you don’t really trust or who haven’t been honest with you, and stay away from the dreaded self-pity demon, you will find yourself with good friends who you enjoy and who enjoy you.

Thaicat's avatar

Yes it is a shame seeing people who feel they cant get anything more from life and are just left on the shelf…no one should be on the shelf..i guess humans can be quite materialistic at times. I face my personality, i started to do so because i didnt like what i saw…so ive no prob bein honest. I think people are afraid to be open so they lie?

Thaicat's avatar

Good point on self pity..its a demon for sure…hard not to have a broken heart sometimes tho..humanity is a balance i guess just the good side is tipped too far away!

Thaicat's avatar

Thank you people for such quick and helpfull responses :)There are some good people out there, anyone i can help please feel free to message me

tinyfaery's avatar

Genuine people? Are they robots? Aliens? Shape shifters? I bet people think you aren’t so genuine, yourself.

Thaicat's avatar

they prob dont no, not that your answer is very usefull its not like i tell them what i feel, im talking about people who mess you around and lie all the time.

tinyfaery's avatar

You teach people how to treat you. If you see a pattern in the people you meet or associate with, the common factor is you.

wundayatta's avatar

Without knowing your personality and how you behave around people, it is impossible to answer this question. Personally, I don’t find it hard to meet genuine people at all. Maybe my standards are lower than yours. I find a lot of people I think are genuine on fluther (even blondesjon—sorry, inside joke).

You just gotta keep giving it your all, and eventually you’ll find people who appreciate you.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

People are more genuine than you think they are.

You can’t just brush people aside as inferior because they don’t open up to you right away.

Some people are shy. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people.

DrBill's avatar

Why is it hard to meet genuine people?

Because there are so few of us.

wundayatta's avatar

Oh come on @DrBill. Don’t be so hard on yourself. In my book, you’re at least half real.

DrBill's avatar

I’m not real, I’m surreal.

dannyc's avatar

Being genuine, or down to earth, is not the norm. Abnormal people ususally do not bring attention to themselves because they think differently. It is unnecessary and quite foreign to their thought processes. Look past the superficial, past the generally accepted of what is, and you may uncover the real genuine people who crank the world. At least that has been my experience.

Darwin's avatar

I have found that there are a fair number of genuine people out in the world. The problem is, however, that just because someone is genuine doesn’t mean they are someone I want to hang out with. You may have found some genuine people with whom you simply don’t see eye to eye.

In addition, it is possible that your brother is popular because he tells others what they want to hear, even if it is totally made up. A lot of folks don’t want to spend the energy to look past the surface and so enjoy his company.

If you are having a terribly hard time finding genuine people, perhaps you are looking in the wrong places.

Clair's avatar

So your brother tells people what they want to hear, eh?
Ferris!!! Dun Dun Wow Dun Dun Wow

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic I don’t think the person asking this question believes that people who aren’t genuine or that people who don’t open up right away are bad people

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I was having this same kind of conversation/question with my colleague/friend yesterday – we talked about people at work, in our office, about how only 2 of the 20 of them are genuine and it’s just a feeling you get with them and how the rest are so easily fake, so easy to see through and if I didn’t have to work with them, I’d never be friends with them…

I believe that it’s hard for people to genuinely say what they feel and be genuine because fitting in is more important, because they don’t want to always be in conflict…I find that when I am genuine, as I try to be always, I am always ‘intimidating’, as they say

galileogirl's avatar

LMAO!! Consider this @Thaicat, maybe people who talk to you are just looking for someone to LISTEN, not tell them what to do.

filmfann's avatar

Because people suck.
oh my gosh, @dverhey was right!

filmfann's avatar

oh, and @Thaicat , welcome to fluther! Lurve!

Resonantscythe's avatar

I can’t say it’s a reliable source but has a couple of articles about this type of thing.



dannyc's avatar

Social mores and political correctness, in the guise of the “nanny” state, reward the status accepted quo. Being genuine takes risk, and few people are willing to expose themselves to the potential criticism they may elicit. This often is counterproductive.

Open's avatar

Of course everyone is different, but in my life I have found that people hide the genuine because of fear. The “What if” factor. People don’t want to be hurt as @dannyc said. Even though you, yourself, might be an open-hearted loving person there are many people in this world who aren’t. What you are probably experiencing is distrust. People don’t want to share or open up who they are and expose who they are to ridicule and misunderstanding.

You might also consider that just because you open-up to others, doesn’t mean they are open to you. In fact, being too open might scare people away for two reasons- either you’ve had a really rough life and they don’t want to get involved or you have had a relatively easy life and people can not relate.
In order to make friends in this world you have to be able to relate to people. Yes, being open-hearted, loving, and honest are all parts of being a good friend, but the fact is if people can not relate to you, they are not going to be good friends with you.
Your brother seems to be a good example of this fact. The couple probably invites him over because they like who he is as a person, they can relate to him.
I’d also like to mention that everyone has the capacity to be a genuine person and a lot of the time it’s a matter of pulling the genuine out of them. Take your time with people and offer a helping hand when you can (as you seem to do already), but be careful not to push people to much. Friendship takes time. (For me it takes months, almost a year, for me to feel like I know someone, I’m sure there are others out there who are the same.) So be patient, you will find good genuine friends in time. ^_^

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Open I wouldn’t want to be with people who only want to be friends to relate – a lot of people might not relate to my life but so what?

Open's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir to clarify I am not saying that people have to be identical to be friends. I just mean that there has to be enough understanding and (or) common interest to make a friendship work. A friendship between anyone is possible, you just have figure out where your common interests are.

Aethelwine's avatar

It’s sad that people are so quick to judge others. Most people are genuine. You just need to give them a chance and get to know them. @The_Compassionate_Heretic is right. Many people are shy and just need that certain someone who is willing to listen and not judge them based on first impressions.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Open I have many friends that I share no interest with but we’re friends because we learn from each other

Open's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir then learning from each other is the interest you share. point is you have to find some common ground (there always is something in common) you just have to find it.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

a lot of people either don’t really understand who they are in the first place, or don’t want to be who they really are. i guess that has a lot to do with it in some cases.
also, a lot of folks get caught up in things that really aren’t as important as they/society believe them to be.

jamielynn2328's avatar

This is the story of my life. In the past I have hung my head, been disappointed by the truth that people truly suck. Now I don’t care, you wanna suck? Go do it somewhere else. I can honestly say that I have lost every friend I have ever had, except for one. Just one. And that’s okay. People have a general selfish tendency that I just cannot stand. I don’t think the correct word is genuine. People don’t know who they, or what they believe. They are easily convinced and have no convictions.

Not all people of course. Just most.

And no, it’s not me, it’s all of them.

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