General Question

Deepness's avatar

What are the best ways to meet new people?

Asked by Deepness (1145points) July 3rd, 2009

I am going through a breakup I believe. It’s not yet confirmed but all signs are pointing to a split. Wise old saying “Nothing gets you over the last one like the next”.

I’ve joined several interesting groups from skydivers to cooking to photography groups on

I’m just wondering what other sites or venues (besides clubs, bars) can I use to find interesting groups of people.

P.S. Fluther folk are awesome!

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24 Answers

janbb's avatar

Although this question isn’t exactly the same, some of the answers should be helpful to you:

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Do the things you like to do and you’ll meet others who like the same.

hearkat's avatar

Well, it seems that you’ve already resigned yourself to the end of your current relationship; so it seems it would only be fair to get the breakup over with since you’re already asking for suggestions on how to find a replacement. I disagree that people should rush right into a new relationship. I think it is unfair to the next person, as they are often just a rebound and someone ends up hurt.

My most recent breakup was in January after about a year together. I knew it would take some time for me to get over the feelings and to process the lessons that I needed to take from that experience. I joined at about a month later, because I knew I needed to get out of the house but I was not ready for dating yet.

I have made several good friends and had fun adventures through those groups. And I actually did meet someone at an event that I started dating a few weeks ago. Even almost 6 months later, I wondered if it was too soon; but the communication is open and we have no pressure or expectations on each other. I feel better having met him face-to-face rather than online, and I like that we know that we have certain interests in common, since we are in a few of the same groups.

In another response you indicated that you are in the New York area, so the opportunities are endless (to me it would probably be overwhelming, even). There must be classes or lectures you could attend relative to your interests, and perhaps you will meet new friends there and even someone who could become more than a friend.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Don’t fall into the trap that you can force the meeting of the next person. Give the groups you’re joining a chance to make you part of them. Reconnect with people from your past; sometimes someone you used to know has become more interesting and a better fit because you’ve both changed over time.

Jack79's avatar

well if you’re a woman in your 30s and live in Europe, you can meet me :)

First of all, “it ain’t over till it’s over”. And I don’t see what the rush is to find someone new already. Don’t you want to spend some “alone time”, take it easy, enjoy doing all the things you can’t do in a relationship? And above all, think of what you are looking for in the next one?

When you’re ready to start dating again, then, as others have rightly said, do things you like. No point going to bars and ending up dating the barman/barwoman if you’re actually an early riser who prefers gardening in the mornings and reading books on a Saturday night. What are your hobbies? What sort of places do you enjoy? And how about trying some social networking (ie hanging out with friends who might eventually hook you up with someone single who likes similar things)?

aprilsimnel's avatar

Take improv. Not kidding. Loads of dudes. And plenty of women, too, if that’s how you roll. If you’re in the NYC area, there’s the Magnet, The People’s Improv Theater, Gotham City Improv and the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theater. It’s a whole scene, as far as you would want to get involved.

marinelife's avatar

I agree with hearkat. Why do you want to rush into another relationship?

Give yourself the perspective of some time to figure out what kind of relationship you want, are you finding yourself attracted to the type of person you want to be in relationship with?

Wait until you are sure you have finished processing, especially if the relationship was serious or of long standing.

nebule's avatar

fools don’t rush in…but I’ll be there if you have to :@)

Jack79's avatar

@lynneblundell something tells me she’s a woman, could be wrong though…and hey didn’t you have a boyfriend?

Deepness's avatar

A little more clarification.

I’m a male. I’m not interested in rushing into a new relationship. I meant I’d like to find different people or groups to pass time with. I’m hoping keeping occupied will help alleviate the symptoms of heartbreak.

Thanks to all. Your answers are fantastic.

marinelife's avatar

@Deepness Thanks for the clarification. I asked this question the other day and got some good ideas that you may find helpful.

Garebo's avatar

Anywhere you go, and whoever you meet has potential: bus, cafe, sidewalk, clothes salesperson, your boss, stewardess, hairstylist, wok person, exotic dancer, librarian, bank teller…...

Jack79's avatar

yes, clarifying this makes aswering easier. Perhaps you could also tell us what sort of things you are into, what kind of relationship you’re after, and details such as how old you are, where you live etc

but meeting new people (male and female, as friends) is your best bet for now. Not only will it alleviate the effects of the breakup itself, but it increases your chances of meeting someone new in the future.

@lynneblundell ok all yours… ;)

nebule's avatar

lol… I did have a “boyfriend” but alas it ended…about four months ago… :-)

Deepness's avatar

I’m 33 and from New York City.

@Jack79 I’ve updated my Fluther profile with some of my interests. My real problem actually rests with my constantly shifting work schedule. Also, my days off are Mondays and Tuesdays. Not the greatest days to ask friends to hang out.

@lynneblundell how long were you together? How have you adjusted to being newly single?

nebule's avatar

We were together for 9 months.. he was going through a divorce – enough said! lol

I quite like being on my own…it feels so much freer so there wasn’t much adjusting needed really. I still get lonely occasionally in the sense that I’d like someone to talk to and cuddle on a Saturday night.. but I’m studying for a degree and I have a 2 and half year old son so they keep me very busy.

I get tempted to go on a date every now and then (usually after a couple of glasses of wine) but then I slap myself and snap out of it! I figure the right one will come along when I’m truly ready but there’s no harm in dipping your toe in as such…. if an opportunity presents itself which as yet…it hasn’t :-)

Jack79's avatar

@Deepness this has been my problem for most of my life too, since I almost always worked weekends. Funilly enough, being a singer does get you attention, but not girls, despite the stereotypes. Besides, the type of girls that come to my concerts tend to have a lot of hair and far too many earrings, both in places where they shouldn’t be. I met my last girlfriend online, and the one before that was ya friend of a friend.

@lynneblundell well I probably missed that breakup, though to be honest most of us could see it coming. You’re better off without him, though a cross-atlantic bridge to NY would be nice right now, huh? ;)
I don’t see why you don’t wanna date yet, you’re cute and I’m sure you can do better than that last guy. I think I still have a couple of single friends left in Coventry if you’re interested :)

alive's avatar

but being single isn’t so bad. maybe you should take time “off” (that is IF you do break up).

it is good to have time to yourself and not rush into something else.

nebule's avatar

@Jack79 If there was a bridge and it didn’t cost anything I would definitely cross it :-) Coventry is a bit too far,.. but thanks anyway xx

Jack79's avatar

thought you lived in B’ham, I guess not

vegelizabeth's avatar

clearly MySpace is your best option… :)

Deepness's avatar

@vegelizabeth No, umm, I’m probably too old for MySpace. However, I may fit perfectly in YourSpace. drumroll Ta-Daaaa! See what I did there?

vegelizabeth's avatar

hahahahahah good one..

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