General Question

IBERnineD's avatar

Do you think it is important and/or necessary to inform you SO of your previous relationships and relations?

Asked by IBERnineD (7309points) July 10th, 2009

I was thinking about this after a discussion with a friend. Our friend’s situation is they had a summer fling with someone. It ended awkwardly but they are still good friends and on great terms with the fling. Then a year later they started dating the fling’s roommate. The roommate has no idea his roommate ever had a fling with his now girlfriend. Is that something our friend should tell her boyfriend? Or since it is in the past, should it stay there?

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17 Answers

sap82's avatar

Your past is your past. If you they can’t deal with it tell them to pull anchor and shove off.

fireinthepriory's avatar

I find that a little weird, mainly because I’d never get to the point of dating someone without mentioning that I’d had a fling with their roommate if that had happened… I’d probably be a little miffed if I was dating someone and neither they nor my roommate bothered to mention it to me. I wouldn’t mind at all if it had all been out in the open since the beginning.

IBERnineD's avatar

@fireinthepriory Yeah, I agree. I thought that was weird. There would be no reason for them not to say something as far as I am concerned. I don’t believe they were living together when the fling happened though.

hug_of_war's avatar

I think it’s weird too. I mean there’s a difference between someone you never talk to anymore and a roommate of your SO. I’d be confused to find out they never told me. And hurt. It would feel like there was something more to hide.

nikipedia's avatar

I don’t think it’s important to inform your SO of all the details of all your relationships. I do think it’s important to inform your SO of something you did with his roommate or any other good friend. That makes all the difference.

skfinkel's avatar

I was going to say that usually, it is of little import to the current bf, but given the further details of this situation, I think it might be information that the bf would want to have—since of the fling and his gf, he is the only one who doesn’t know. That could turn out badly later, and letting him know sooner seems right to me.

marinelife's avatar

There is no general answer to this question.

Specifically, in this situation, you must speak up. The reason for that is the information is likely to come out. Keeping it secret gives it a power it should not have.

I would just say they dated and agreed they weren’t right for each other. More detail than that is not necessary.

casheroo's avatar

My husband knows about all my relationships, not all the details or anything. And it’s not like he would recognize a guy off the street, he just knows names.
I think when it comes to a roommate situation, it is definitely best to inform. I think withholding that information is close to lying.

CMaz's avatar

It is a friends rule. Never date a friends ex. You have to tell, or you would be in violation of the rule.

jamielynn2328's avatar

I think it’s odd that it didn’t come out right away. If I found out way down the road, I would think that there was a reason I wasn’t told, and probably be suspicious of why I was left in the dark. It may cause the now boyfriend to suspect something is still going on…

I don’t think there is anything wrong with sharing past relationships with your current SO. Before I was married, I always wanted to know about past relationships if I was going to be in a relationship with somebody. I think that it kind of matters. If they have had a broken heart. If they had been cheated on. If they had 78 girlfriends. All these things impact how that person would function in a new relationship. I just want to know what kind of baggage I have to root through and store before I commit.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Life gets rather complicated these days, doesn’t it? Fling as in, went out a few times, slept together, no one else knew? Or Fling, as in went out for the whole summer, other people knew they were going out? I would think saying, “we tried dating, obviously it didn’t work out for either one of us” would do the trick.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

My SO’s tend to find out names and stories of most of my x’s/flings/make-out-session-partners/what have you. This includes mutual friends or girls I’m still friends with.

The closest it’s ever come to being a problem was with the most recent girl. Some 5 or 6 years ago I dated and got pretty physical with her older cousin. The recent girl later told me that had I divulged that earlier in the relationship it probably would’ve been a deal breaker, but by the time she found out she was just taken aback by it (and got over it).

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

I don’t think you have to what so ever if you’re uncomfortable with it for whatever reason. It always reminded me of the “how many people have you slept with?” question sophmores in high school ask.
That said my better halves usually hear about a few past girlfriends here and there, but I’ve never really had an in depth conversation with one about it nor have I really been asked to do so for the most part.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Not in great detail but some information is important between serious lovers:
any sexual transmittables
marital status (separated is not divorced)
medications any conditions that can cause seizures
criminal history

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence those should definitely be on the conversation list. I still get asked every now and then those ridiculous questions like “so what were there names and where were they and why did you break uphowoldwereyouhowmanytimesdidyoudoittellmeeverythingaboutyouormyboobsaregoingtoexplodeomg

jackfright's avatar

While it’s true that it was in the past, i think it’s important not to hide it.
If i were in that situation, i’d like to know. Whether it affects the relationship now is a separate issue. The sooner, the better.

Suppose it depends on if you believe ignorance is bliss or not. I personally don’t, so when im involved with someone, i see the past of that person is part and parcel of who they are. because without a past, someone’s just a blank.

plethora's avatar

It is neither important or necessary, but it is idiotic. They don’t want to hear either.

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