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Jude's avatar

When you're unsure (about a relationship) -- "is this what I want" you follow your heart?

Asked by Jude (32167points) September 12th, 2009

Not thinking it out. More of “what does me heart tell me…”?

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13 Answers

Rant's avatar

Unfortunately for me, no. I weigh the pros and cons of going out with someone, and I worry about how it’ll affect my social status. I know, I’m a bad person.

Glow's avatar

Well, I must say, That’s kind of what I’ve been doing all along, following my heart. Sometimes I do feel unsure, but I realize that I really love the guy I am with, and that no matter who else I am going to be with there will always be disagreements and things we don’t get a long for. Might as well be with some one I really love and care for, even if we disagree sometimes, then be with some one I don’t and disagree sometimes still :P

Maybe it’s not the best way to go about it, but that’s just how I do.

jazzjeppe's avatar

I haven’t been dating for 8 years so I can’t remember. But I guess the main reason why I haven’t been dating is that I haven’t found the right one, so I guess that means I am following my heart.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

If you’re unsure about the relationship, then it isn’t for you. When it’s right, you know it in your head & in your heart. You don’t have to question it.

scamp's avatar

I think there comes a time in most relationships where to at least some extent everyone asks themselves if it’s the right one for them.

Try stepping back for a minute and ask yourself a few questions. Weigh the pros and cons of the relationship. If you need to, write a list of pros and cons, then see which side has more content, and act as if you are giving a friend advice on it. What would you say to a friend about the pros? The cons?

Where do you see yourself and this person next month? Next year? If you can see a future with this person, you might be able to work on some things that bug you. If not, you might want to rethink why you are still with this person.

I followed my heart, and found myself wishing I had used my head more.. a few times. Now I use both!

wundayatta's avatar

It depends on where you are in life. If you are single, young, without a lot of stuff and if you have no agenda other than to sample what life has to offer, then following your heart is no big deal. But the older and more settled you get, the larger the consequences of following your heart.

The cost may no longer be worth the benefit. The benefit may be the high of falling in love. The cost may be to your stability. You may have to give up your community, your friends, your belongings, even your income in order to be with your love.

Similarly, male or female, a biological clock starts ticking more ominously as you get older. The opportunities to have a family or to be able to enjoy parenting diminish as you get older. You may start looking for much more from a relationship, and not feel like you can “sample” them any more. You have to find something serious.

If you are young, it’s easier to follow your heart. The older you get, the more you need to consider how much it costs.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’m pretty good at knowing what I want, doesn’t take me long to decide if I’m all in or on to something else. I’m not a casual dater or a person who does hookups so I scrutinize who, what and why I want it before going much further.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

If the heart speaks from a position of empathy and compassion then yes follow it.
If the heart is governed by selfish wants and desires, then the heart can lead a person to some ugly places.

Jeruba's avatar

If you’re unsure, that’s your answer. In that case, follow your gut.

A lasting relationship demands everything you’ve got, and if you’re not there 100%, it might be a good in-the-meantime, but it’s not a keeper. When you find the keeper, your head, heart, and gut will all be in harmony.

I think it’s wisest never to let your heart put your head to sleep. Even in the most thrilling romance, there is a moment before you’ve given your all where you can still step back and ask yourself questions. Is that where you are now?

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@Jeruba: Yeah, what she said.

MissAnthrope's avatar

From the live-in-one’s-head side of the spectrum (i.e. I think too much about everything and often talk myself out of things), I’ve had to work to follow my heart and my feelings. I generally pick things apart using logic, so the heart message gets really muddled by pros, cons, and primitive feelings.

However, I think you should always follow your heart, which is not a blind, dumb instrument as is often implied. I think your heart is tied to your gut intuition, and if you are able to really listen (which I find difficult at times), it will tell you what you probably already know you should do.

azhaiaziam's avatar

if in doubt don’t waste your time, you only live once and if you aren’t satisfied move on… because it is time you will never get back.

bumwithablackberry's avatar

is that nipple?
It’s easier to just be a clown, because it’s so hard to think with my current state of health. But uh, what was the question again, follow your heart?
I don’t know, I get afraid to try that again. Old and bitter is still, old. Love kills.

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