I just read, in passing, that a psychiatrist said that 85% of our communication is non-verbal. Does that sound about right to you?

Yes, I learned that lesson from a wise energy worker/therapist I met once. She said that we humans tend to put much more weight on the verbal than we should to the detriment of reading the non-verbal messages.

It explained so well the contradictory words and actions of a friend that had been troubling me.

I hope not, because I only pay attention to verbal communication, which means I only know 15% of what I’m saying, and I’m only half -15% listening to other people.

Yes.

Yes.
I can tell much more about a person from silent or distant observation than I can through mere conversation. I know my friends and I relate and communicate largely without speaking. You really can’t understand what people say to the fullest extent without also paying attention to the non-verbal cues. I think it’s also a huge part of being a good “listener.”

Shakes head.

.

Anyone see the commercials for “Lie to Me” (the television program) recently? They say the exact same thing… :P

Well, I’m sure it’s significant, but I don’t necessarily think it’s that high of a percentage. Maybe this is the linguistics major side of me speaking…

I also think that people can judge a person based on non-verbal cues (for example, determine that a person is “awkward”) but may change their opinion once they begin talking to the person. At least, I’ve seen that happen before. Doesn’t mean they have excellent perception or anything.

Sounds about right – have heard slightly lower and higher figures quoted.

Eddie Izzard said that communication is 70% how you look, 20% how you say it and 10% what you actually say. That sounds about right. I’d heard something similar in my Non-verbal Communications class in college.

yep

It’s true. Every time my gf says “get the hell away from me,” she really means “darling, I love you.”

I can’t see how that is possible. I don’t have the capability of non-verbal on my computer, so it doesn’t make sense to me.

@YARNLADY Sure you do. Por Ejemplo>> :D

And that’s measured in what units? Communicons? Communicados? How do you think something like that would even be quantified at all?

Yes, heard that theory too (I heard 90%). It’s obviously not an exact number, but studies have shown that a word can have a variety of different meanings depending on context but even tone, pitch, pronunciation. And that’s not even counting body language etc.

This problem is more apparent on the internet, and we’ve probably all witnessed such examples here on fluther, particularly when someone is trying to be sarcastic. Sarcasm is fairly easy to spot if you can see the other person’s face, but not online. And that’s just one of the more extreme examples.

This morning a girl sent me an sms starting with “hey”.
What does “hey” mean?
1) Hey you good-looking guy, I missed you?
2) Hi there, just got up and I’m bored?
3) What the hell did you do to my car you bastard?
4) Hang on, who are you and what are you doing here?

The list could actually be longer.

The issue here is 85% of what exactly? Number of bits being “transferred” will work as a good approximation. But we have to keep in mind that our conscious mind can only process between 30–80 bits/per second. Our sensory organs receive about 100 billion bits/s (eyes, ears, nose, skin etc.) of which only 50 million bits/s enter our brain. The hypothalamus determines what is new and (potentially) important and alerts the conscious mind. Very often the additional information is processed and stored unconsciously. When relying on intuition unconsciously stored information is taken into account as well.

So when you listen to someone’s words in most cases your conscious mind will usually handle far more than 15% verbal information. Language itself is the number one means of communication for human beings. Large portions of body language can be handled by the unconscious mind. Maybe this is what the psychiatrist is referring to.

Anyone ever hear the saying “actions speak louder than words”?

It sounds like nonsense to me. But then, 73% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

…so odds are… :^>

Not good. Not good!

@daloon That sounds about right.

Well, as Twain said, there’s lies, damned lies, and statistics!

Statistically speaking, it is impossible for Twain to have said that!

Now if that don’t twist yer knickers, I don’t know what will!

@daloon Statistically speaking, everything is impossible at different times.

—and thus do the sun and the moon resolve differences—

And get in each other’s way, sometimes.