General Question

deni's avatar

How do I get the point across to my mooch-y friend that I am NOT a chauffeur/taxi?

Asked by deni (23052points) October 6th, 2009

an ex boyfriend of mine that i have remained friends with does not have a car. he lives about 4 miles from town so he bikes wherever he needs to go, or uses his parents car, though his parents are pretty stingy about letting him use them.

anyhow, he’s been treating me like shit lately especially around his new, cool hippie friends (i LIKE these people, i just hate the way he is around them). but thats not the point! he expects me to come get him everytime we go somewhere. just now i called him to see if he still wanted to see zombieland at 3:20 and i said okay, so i’ll just see you there around 3? to which he replied OH why don’t you just come over when you’re ready?

this lead to the discussion that i always go out of my way to get him. his house is not on the way to ANYTHING. i go out of my way to pick him up at his friends houses on our way to work (we work the same shift and carpool). he uses the defense “well if i had a car i would pick you up” which is bullshit because if he had a car he probably wouldn’t go a foot out of his way to see me.

why do i put up with it? am i wrong for getting pissed that he thinks im a taxi? i should add that he lives about 10 miles from me, which isn’t a short drive to make every night, and then sometimes several times a day.

how can i make it clear that i do NOT want to drive him around but i also do not want to ruin plans that we’ve had? everytime i complain about having to go get him, then go somewhere, then take him home, then go home myself, he says ITS ONLY A COUPLE MILES OUT OF THE WAY. and i say YEAH, so ride your damn bike! he’s biking across a few states in december—i keep saying “shouldn’t you be PRACTICING?”

i’m very irritated right now.

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24 Answers

Darwin's avatar

Sounds as if you need to stop making plans with him to do things that involve his getting anywhere. In fact, if he is treating you badly I would tend to stop seeing him outside of work. I don’t know why you put up with it. I wouldn’t.

You say he carpools with you? What does he contribute since he doesn’t have a car? Does he at least pay for gas?

JLeslie's avatar

If the reality is going to be that everytime you have plans with him, you are going to have to pick him up, then you can only make plans when it won’t piss you off to pick him up.

@Darwin is right about him contributing for carpooling. My mom hated to drive to work. She carpooled with three other people. They all took turns driving, and she never drove, which they were all fine with, but she paid them for gas + a little more.

marinelife's avatar

This is simple. You make it clear by saying, “No.”

Do not explain if he says why, just repeat “No.”

May I ask why you continue to not only hang out with someone who puts you down, but you give him a ride to the event in order that he can do so?

Then stick to it. Follow through.

Dr_C's avatar

This is clearly an advantageous situation for the guy in which he’s basically getting everything he wants and still has the balls to treat you with a certain degree of disrespect in front of his “new hippie friends”. I would not put up with it if i were you. Tell him to either stop being such a leach or to at least contribute in some way.

I would go on but I’m still angered by that Steelers avatar….. hate Ben Rapist-berger and wish the Chargers had done a better job… oh well

deni's avatar

@Darwin we are only able to carpool to work because we both work at the same place on the midnight shift and there is a car available for use at that time. so we split the driving, but i still have to drive to his house, which blows, and i’m about to quit doing it.

@Marina well generally the situations in which he is an asshole to me are situations that include many other people, like i said his new friends. whatever, he can have new friends, but i dont give him a ride to these places, i generally just see him there since we do hang out with the same group sometimes. but i have decided this will be the last time. i dont need this, really.

@Dr_C oh please, lol. i’m not a huge ben fan but i love the steelers and there is no way you can root for the chargers and that pansy girl philip rivers, no matter how much you dislike pittsburgh!

marinelife's avatar

@deni Good idea not to put yourself in those situations. You are right. Who needs that?

JLeslie's avatar

So you drive to his house to carpool, and then drive in his company car to work? So you actually save gas money carpooling with him in the end? But, it sounds like his place is still out of your way?

Darwin's avatar

@deni – So this is a company car? If so, then why doesn’t he have to come pick you up sometimes? If it isn’t a company car, then there is still a cost to the owner for driving it (gasoline, wear and tear) so even if he does drive it half the time he would still owe gas money at the very least.

Personally, it sounds as if he is taking you for granted. I would tell him so and stop picking him up. If he can get to these situations where you see him with his new friends, then he can get other places on his own. He is an ex after all.

Dr_C's avatar

@deni Pansy girl? you mean the guy who played the last few games of the last season with an injured knee that required surgery? (btw he never missed a game due to that surgery either), the guy who ed the league in passer rating last season? the guy who leads the league in passing yards this season? jst because the guy likes to talk some trash does not mean he’s a pansy girl. To be fair the Chargers O-line and the defense suck hard this year which pisses me off… but Rivers is a better quarterback than Rapist-berger. He just doesn’t have the same weapons around him to allow him to be as succesful. Plus the fact that the chargers have a much tougher schedule also contributes.

deni's avatar

@JLeslie @Darwin no no, it’s not a company car. sorry, i worded that poorly. its his parents car, but they dont use it at night so he can. and its really not even all that advantageous (is that even a word) for me because getting to his house, even though it’s in the general direction of work, is not eXACTLY on the way.

you always remember why an ex is an ex huh!

JLeslie's avatar

Stop meeting up with him to drive to work. Only make plans with him to go out when he has the use of his parents car.

CMaz's avatar

Why not say that that you are NOT a chauffeur/taxi!

aprilsimnel's avatar

“Hey, friend, I feel taken advantage of when you constantly ask me to pick you up for outings. I am NOT a chauffeur or a taxi. I’m not going to pick you up anymore. Oh, you’re angry? Well, you’re just going to have to be angry, then, and figure out how you’re going to get yourself around. Toodles!”

loser's avatar

You could start charging for your services.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Stop calling him to do things since you know that he will need a ride, and you will have to go get him.

Fernspider's avatar

I tell people who want rides all the time that I am low on cash at the moment and that if they want a ride (in which I must go out of my way) then a cash contribution towards gas is required.

It is harder to pull that line though when you are going to the same location – you were going there anyway but ultimately he clearly needs to give you more respect.

I don’t think it is fair for him to sponge all the time. It is not only the cost but the hassle and time. I feel that he is taking advantage and doesn’t care that it inconveniences you. If a friend of mine pointed out an inconvenience that I was putting them to, I would certainly attempt to rectify my requests or at least contribute. It is NOT an entitlement.

Darwin's avatar

Since he has a job and apparently lives with his parents, perhaps he needs to save up and buy his own car.

cwilbur's avatar

So let me restate this. You make plans with this guy knowing that he has no car, and then you get upset at him when he expects you to come pick him up, as you have done the last several dozen times?

The problem here is not that he thinks you’re a free taxi. The problem here is that you are a free taxi for him, and you’ve done it willingly. At this point the only reason he can take advantage of you is because you cooperate fully.

It seems to me that you have one real option. Cultivate other friends who have their own transport, and then, if you must invite him somewhere, tell him, “We’re all meeting at the cinema to see this movie! We’d love to see you there!”

deni's avatar

@cwilbur Well up until recently when he’s gotten lazy he DID ride his bike places. Times when it was raining or snowing and I would offer him a ride, he would decline because he loved riding his bike. I dunno what happened, ha. He still rides it SOMETIMES, a couple times last week he did, but yesterday was beautiful out for this time of year and I thought there is no WAY he’s gonna not ride his bike on a day such as this. But I was wrong.

It’s not a problem anymore, I told him how I felt about this whole thing, including the statement that “I am not a chauffeur OR a taxi”...I also told him that since he doesn’t have a car he probably doesn’t remember how much money goes to filling up the tank every 5 or 6 days. Done, over!

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

I agree with one of the above posters….

Just say, ” We have plans…..see you there!”
He: “Oh, but can’t you pick me up….?”
You:“I’d like to…but that would leave a HUGE CARBON FOOTPRINT. I’m doing my bit for the environment….just like you are ON YOUR BIKE. Just ride on over on your bike…see you there!” (Click).

It’s just how you phrase it…...best of luck!

deni's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus HAHAHA i like your suggestion very much. since i posted this i haven’t seen him much. our friendship has kind of died down. not completely, but being exes and all i have just moved on and don’t need him as much anymore. moreso i think i’ve just really come full circle getting over him. so i don’t care anymore. woop woop!

Darwin's avatar

@deni – Well, there you have it: proof that he was using you.

deni's avatar

@Darwin yep pretty much. not hanging out with him anymore really feels like a weight off my shoulders.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Oh, glad you liked my answer…..and even happier that he rode his bike into the sunset! Woop-woop and hear hear! Best of luck to you….next time put a meter on the car! LOL!

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