My short story competition entry, "Among the stars", had not been reviewed. May I have some constructive critisism, and possible editing?

I’ll read it in the morning and let you know.

:-)

Soooo you decided to defame these 3 heroes.
I’ll pass. You won’t.

@filmfann

Huh? It’s a story.

Additionally, it’s a fiction contest; has nothing to do with “passing”.

A couple sentences in “a clumsily…” grammar is my pet peeve.

How old are you? You are doing something with regard to style that is normally in the domain of people my age yet imply that you are in high school.

No it is has many flaws – it is cliched, implausible, inaccurate in technical detail. To be successful your plot, your characters and your dialogue has to be believable. I don’t find it so.

@filmfann I am sorry, I did not mean that. It was a work of fiction, and did not mean to offend anybody…

@DarkScribe Thank you very much. My character development is under par because I do not know the true character of these men. I know only what I have heard. In the technical parts of the story, or lack there of, I tried to keep it short and simple to save length and get to the real parts of the story. My inspiration was and is Ray Bradbury, and I know I will never be even close to his expertise. But what can I do to give life to my characters? Thank you very much.

Here is a thought. To keep from defaming the name of these men, what if I used fictional characters? If so, how?

@beatthelastboss _But what can I do to give life to my characters? _

Write a story, give it a plot, develop the characters and THEN place it in space. Use accurate research with regard to technical detail, and don’t over elaborate. Once a reader has the idea they will fill in the blanks – it doesn’t have to be a technical guide.

@DarkScribe
Thank you for responding so quickly! This contest requires a maximum of 8 pages, so I was a bit limited in technical ideas.

Ok, sorry for so many comments, but one final question. Should I even submit the story? Some of this feedback makes me feel terrible, and I am thinking of just deleting it all together.

If you are truly in 9th grade, I think it’s fine. I think some of the people here don’t understand that it’s a high school competition.

I think it’s quite nice. It’s interesting. The one change I would make is at the end, it should be “Loosely based on” not off of.

You should submit this if only to get appropriate criticism so you know what to expect next time.

@SarasWhimsy Thanks! Submitting it now!

@beatthelastboss Sorry Zen didn’t get back to you with his critique. He died.

@NewZen
Can newzen critique?

Nope. Sorry. Flunked out.

This story is impressive, if a bit rushed. I almost enjoyed the vagueness. If you had not specified the mission name ans the crew member names, you would not have been in trouble of defaming the names of the people. You make me smile—how long did it take you to write this? If you can remember, that is.

I would love to read you story. The link would not work for me.Sorry