General Question

faye's avatar

How do you feel about your significant other having a lapdance?

Asked by faye (17839points) October 30th, 2009

how do women feel about longterm boyfriends having lapdances in cancun? lots of touch! naked women!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

63 Answers

Darwin's avatar

If my longterm boyfriend opted for a lap dance anywhere in the universe it had better be from me. Cancun or no Cancun, taken is taken.

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

I don’t have a problem with it, but I certainly don’t understand the desire for it.

filmfann's avatar

Thanks! I’d love one!

Oh, more to it that that…Ya, if you object, he’s wrong to do it.

Allie's avatar

What the hell? Uhh, no. I would not be happy at all about that.

Aethelwine's avatar

Only if I can join.

seriously, I would not like it. I did go with my husband and his friends once and the guys paid for me to get a lap dance. My husband really enjoyed that night. ;)

Haleth's avatar

I’m all about equal footing in relationships. If he gets a lap dance, I get one, too.

faye's avatar

but, really? a strange young {hopefully} man’s stuff in your face?

Haleth's avatar

A strange woman. I don’t know about getting a lapdance from a guy.

This is all hypothetical, though.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Not no, but HELL no!!!

faye's avatar

is that no to him having a lap dance, or no to strange man’s stuff? i say noooooo to both!

holden's avatar

I would hope he enjoyed it a lot, because that would be the last time he ever received one with his balls intact.

oratio's avatar

Just curious. Would you enjoy an evening with the girls and some male strippers. A chippendale evening or a club?

I agree. If you have a problem with him doing that, he shouldn’t.

faye's avatar

i went to see “male strippers” years ago as part of a bachelorette party. the dancers were good but stripped{?} down to a speedo. they were on a roped off stage-no touch! what bothers me is that bf had NAKED woman sitting-moving- on his lap, kissing his neck, licking his ears. stupid to have told me. i’d have laughed with him about going to a strip club with his buddy but this lapdance??

Facade's avatar

I feel like it won’t be happening. Not in my relationship.

Aethelwine's avatar

@faye I agree. The whole touching and kissing part would really bother me. I also never understood the whole Chippendales thing. I have no desire to see a bunch of half naked men dancing around.

Allie's avatar

@jonsblond Me either!!! I never understood the Chippendale thing. It’s not for me.

Back to the original topic.. If there was another girl in my boyfriends lap grinding against him, rubbing her hands all over him, kissing him, etc I would so not be able to sit there and keep quiet. I’d be overcome by so many emotions. I’d be angry, frustrated, sad, hurt… all at once. I don’t doubt I’d cry.

Aethelwine's avatar

@Allie I’d almost make a bet that there are more gay men than straight women at a Chippendale’s show. Never been to one, so I have no idea.

oratio's avatar

Good looking men, with beautiful naked bodies don’t get your pulse up?

Aethelwine's avatar

@oratio Those guys are too “pretty” looking for me. I like the rugged outdoorsy look. Plus, they aren’t my man.

d_felice's avatar

This is something I feel very strongly about! I believe that a lap-dance = infidelity. I really don’t understand how guys who are in a committed relationship can justify going to the strip club at all. If I was the one showing my naked body or going so far as to dance on another man’s lap, it would most certainly constitute as cheating, wouldn’t it?
I believe that because my body is only for his eyes, his eyes should be for my body only.

faye's avatar

oratio, they are like a painting, looks good, no spark

oratio's avatar

I would like to go deeper into that, but it wouldn’t be fair to the OP. But then again, maybe women are just supposed to be a wonderful mystery.

faye's avatar

i am the OP , say what you would say, i am interested in many things.

wasabi_rave's avatar

Um… no bueno. Unless it was a really really obese woman. Then I wouldn’t be so jealous.

My hubby would totally be OK with me getting a lapdance though, so long as it was from another woman of course. And he was there as witness. eye roll

wasabi_rave's avatar

@oratio No, “good looking men, with beautiful naked bodies” doesn’t get my pulse up. They’re too fake to me. But then again my girlfriend practically faints at the mere mention of “Thunder Down Under” in Las Vegas.
I’d rather see naked women anyway. Ha!

Lorenita's avatar

No way!!! I would kill him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tinyfaery's avatar

Okay by me. Could be hot.

wundayatta's avatar

I’ve never been to a strip club, much less had a lap dance. I can’t imagine enjoying a lap dance. I’d want to become aroused, but I’d never do that in public, so what’s the point?

My wife would never be interested in such a thing, either. The only kind of lap dance I’d like would be one from the person I loved in the privacy of our bedroom.

If she was interested in one, I think it would be amusing to watch. I think she would be excruciatingly uncomfortable. Just like me..

faye's avatar

to go a step further, isn’t the woman on top position only a bluejean and calvins step away from a lap dance?

SuperMouse's avatar

I’m with @tinyfaery I would not care one whit. She makes another good point, it could be kind of hot. The bottom line as far as I’m concerned is that in the end he is coming home to me. He is not going to have intercourse with, or even kiss this girl. She is going to sit on his lap and grind a bit. To her it is just a job, to him it is a quick, safe thrill. What’s the harm?

SpatzieLover's avatar

@faye You might be interested to read this recent thread on lap dances

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

No bueno. I’d be jealous of anyone who’d turn on my man in such a visible and public way. I’ve had family members who stripped and the lap dance is pretty much a way for the man to get off while not taking his clothes off… and sometimes they do.

trailsillustrated's avatar

I’d resent the money given for it, the tip money. only.

MacBean's avatar

I’m with @tinyfaery and @SuperMouse. I’m shocked and baffled by the overwhelming “No!” reaction here… Wow.

@jonsblond: re: “I’d almost make a bet that there are more gay men than straight women at a Chippendale’s show.”—I’ve never been to a Chippendale’s show, but I have seen a live performance of Naked Boys Singing! and I’d be willing to make a bet that you would win your bet.

Blondesjon's avatar

@jonsblond . . .it was two lapdances and don’t even pretend like you don’t remember every single moment.

I do. . .

Aethelwine's avatar

@MacBean two bets won in a week. I’m on a roll! ;)

@Blondesjon I remember that you fell asleep as soon as the lapdances were over. At least I know you only have eyes for me.

Blondesjon's avatar

@jonsblond . . .I woke up when we got home.

you didn’t give me any choice.

mclaugh's avatar

If I’m there beside him, fine. I’d probably get one too.. lol But if I’m not around and he gets one and I find out from someone else or pictures(in other words, he tries to hide it from me), then he’d be up shit creek without a paddle.

holden's avatar

[me, to fiancee] “would you ever accept a lapdance from anybody?”
[fiance, immediate response] “you.”

flawless victory.

tb1570's avatar

@d_felice : I’m a man and I absolutely agree with you.

augustlan's avatar

If I wasn’t there, I have to admit I’d feel just a tiiiiiny bit jealous. I’d get over it immediately. Now, if he tried to hide it from me, I’d be royally pissed. He would never do it though… he’s far more straight-laced than I am. ;-)

Sampson's avatar

I’d be ok with it as long as I’m able to watch.

(I’m a guy in a straight relationship)

mrr5498's avatar

Knowing their boyfriend got a lapdance is something that’s going to pissoff 95% of women. However, if the guy feels he needs that it’s probably because he has unfullfilled expectations in the relationship. It’s certainly not as extreme as infidelity, which is just a frigid woman’s defense for for her own shortcomings. If a man wants a dance that bad, then give him one yourself, but it better be good cuz if my girlfriend can’t cook then I’m going to Outback.

faye's avatar

i can cook- he has a little trouble. those pills, though, unless he turns to a bottle or two of wine. i did the negliges, garter belt, shaving. i don’t guess i danced on his lap but i sure did something right sittin’ thur cause those pants come off purty durn quick and twern’t no doubt about what was up!——just fer sittin,well, wigglin’ a little

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Depends on who’s giving the lap dance…if I’m attracted to the person as well, this would be exciting…if the person is someone I can’t see as being attractive to him, I would be confused…he’d probably be against any such thing anyway as that kind of thing would be insulting to himself, let alone to the naked girl writhing around his crotch

faye's avatar

a gorgeous latino girl in cancun

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@faye his definition of gorgeous might differ from yours…neither would he be caught dead in Cancun so this is all hard to imagine…if he was there somehow and I wouldn’t and he got a lap dance and tell me about it, I’d say good for you, I’m sure that was quite special…and we’d laugh about it

ubersiren's avatar

I still get upset knowing that my husband had one for his bachelor party. He claims it was “really bad,” which I’m not sure makes me feel better about it.

johanna's avatar

I would never stay in a relationship with any man (or woman) who uses people like that.
I am pretty sad that most answers have simply been in regards to jealousy, infidelity etc. Doesn’t anyone care about what kind of a person would ever want a lap dance from a stranger in the frisdt place? the person performing the lap dance most likely does not perform it because she wants to but out of necessity (drugs, force, a shitty life etc). Lap dances are, just like buying sex, about demeaning others by buying their body and using people – that disgusts me more than ‘infidelity’ or other such aspects of a lap dance.

RedPowerLady's avatar

Nope, nope, nope. Need I say more?

Actually there are some very good answers on here already, I just thought I’d add in my personal opinion on the matter.

SuperMouse's avatar

@johanna your answer is actually rather presumptuous. Here is a preview of an article that disputes your generalization. Lap dances are not just like buying sex, and even if they were, who are you to judge the people who provide the service or those that partake?

johanna's avatar

@SuperMouse
I do NOT judge the people performing lap dances – I judge the bastards who buy them, Just like I judge people who buy sex and like I judge people who steal and lie and rape etc. I find it demeaning and morally repulsive to use people. I do not give a shit as to what people do sexually when it is based on an equal relationship – buying sexual favors is not equal.
And my question remains – what kind of person would buy another person?
And even if some sex workers claim they are all happy about their career choice do you really think that one can differentiate them from all those who are not? (Do you think a sex buyer ask before the act – ‘Are you here out of free will or are you forced to be here and sell yourself’?) The growing number of sex workers are bought and sold like slaves, many from or in poor countries.
This is not generalization but a simple fact. the UN has loads of info on sex workers and the exploitation of women, children and men if you want more than one article.

As to your article – yeah right – any happy go lucky person, with a rosy background and ample career choices would choose to be a sex worker….I do not buy that – and most studies show that many woman will initially defend their choice of becoming a sex worker (it is basic survival) but once asked more about it the majority have shitty experiences which have led them to that particular choice.

SuperMouse's avatar

@johanna again with the astounding generalizations. The bastards who buy them? Yikes! Buying a lap dance is not buying sex, it is buying a quick little flirtation and it is in no way on par with rape.

RedPowerLady's avatar

I would say that there is a medium between the two points being presented. Buying a lap dance is certainly not buying sex. However it is more than a flirtation. It could quite reasonably be considered oversexualizing women. Some would call it demeaning others would call it love for a woman’s body. However there have been studies that suggest that this culture of availability of a woman’s body, for money, does in fact cause sex crimes to increase or at least the idea that such crimes are not quite offensive.

johanna's avatar

@SuperMouse
Yawn…
In my world people who use other people are bastards – in your world maybe it just means being entitled….

SuperMouse's avatar

@johanna yawn… way to judge people.

Webzilla's avatar

I think that as long as you trust him it is fine. I love my husband and would be jealous of some people we know. I’m not paranoid but my husband has a charm and a lot of people flirt with him. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me.
With a lapdancer they are doing it for their job and I know that professionally they would have no interest in my man so I wouldn’t mind him getting a lapdance.

wundayatta's avatar

@johanna Did you ever get paid to work for someone? Did you ever hire someone to work for you? Is sex work any more or less wage slavery than any other job? Frankly, I think that you must believe almost everyone is a bastard, since we all use each other in one way or another.

rangerr's avatar

I’d be pretty pissed…

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I like what @Webzilla writes. I agree I really enjoy for others to admire my SO and when I’m secure in my relationships, it doesn’t threaten me but there’s a big difference between admiration, a little flattery or flirting and a woman grinding her ass on my man’s crotch to where he gets a hard on. I would be hurt if my man allowed another woman to turn him on, especially in public like that kind of bragging to anyone watching that he doesn’t care that he’s sharing something special and intimate between the two of us (at least in my mind it’s special and intimate).

Aethelwine's avatar

@SuperMouse good thing that $20 bill came out of the wallet of my husband’s friend or I’d be a bastard.~

SuperMouse's avatar

@jonsblond we’re all bastards here.

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