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qashqai's avatar

Is there a romantic way to say goodbye?

Asked by qashqai (2465points) November 12th, 2009

My girlfriend is simply killing me.
She is hot, tremendously. She’s sweet and lovely but she keeps calling me 50 times per day, texting all the time, and simply put trying to know whatever I do 24/7. I am not doing anything bad, never cheated, nor I intend to. I tried to talk to her about that, she agreed to relax a little bit, but that ‘little bit’ lasts usually one afternoon if I am lucky enough. I am not sure I still love her, because I am the kind of ‘independent’ guy who wants his vital spaces left intact. I want to be honest with her, and I think our relationship will not work however flexible I can be. It’s hurting me, but sometimes I discover I am pretending happiness while I am not, and that’s not fair to her in first place.

I do care a lot about her anyway, and I want she have fond memories about me. It’s not about being friends, it’s just about closing something in the less traumatic and more positive way, knowing that what we have been giving to each other was something extremely beautiful.

How can I say/do that without being misunderstood?

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20 Answers

nzigler's avatar

“Au revoir!”

Seriously, all you need to do is be kind yet honest. Tell her you aren’t ready for the level of commitment she’s offering and that it isn’t fair to either of you. You can’t fully appreciate what she’s giving you right now as it’s not what you want and she should be investing in a relationship with someone who’s interested in being at her level of commitment.

CMaz's avatar

Wow, I do love that quality in a woman. Send her my way. :-)

I am sorry friend. Your situation is one of those everyone is going to get hurt things.

drdoombot's avatar

If you’re willing to give it one last shot, you can sit her down and let her know that she is really invading your personal space and it’s making you unhappy. And you’re not willing to be unhappy for a relationship.

If she gets the message, great. If not, there’s nothing more you can do.

jaytkay's avatar

If you make it romantic, she won’t think you are breaking up. You have to be honest and clear. nzigler up there has it right – “all you need to do is be kind yet honest. Tell her you aren’t ready for the level of commitment she’s offering and that it isn’t fair to either of you.”

You are going to hurt her feelings. There’s no way around that, that’s how life is. Get it over with. If you are lucky, you two can have a friendship in the future, after the pain subsides.

gemiwing's avatar

I agree that making it ‘romantic’ won’t work. The kindest thing to do is state simply how you feel and why.

Judi's avatar

If you make it romantic she will keep clinging. Make it real make it clean and don’t look back. That is the kindest way.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Hm, the only romantic way I can think of is slipping into the frozen abyss of the ocean while your gf is on a raft you gave to her. Other wise there’s nothing really romantic about telling someone the love they feel for you is not mutual. I think you can probably do it in a very mature way and hope for the best, but even that can be shaky. Good luck.

CMaz's avatar

Why does that advice (good advice) seem creepy coming from a chimp in a suit.


The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Saying goodbye is the end of romance.

Jman's avatar

give a kiss before you say goodby or just say goodby

mowens's avatar

I said good day sir.

Resistka's avatar

Stay nice, force the STAY FRIEND’s thing, don’t do this to date someone else, seriously don’t. Um.. If she likes you enough to see what your doing 24/7 she will accept that you just want to be friends and say you honestly are doing it for the two of you. The reason for that is because her checking up on you 24/7 will eventually cause a fight. & Thats just awful.

Adagio's avatar

Saying Goodbye is never going to be one of life’s romantic moments. I think that being clear, as opposed to somewhat ambiguous, is far kinder in the long run.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t know how it happened, but when I said good bye, they all still wanted the best for me. I’d like to think that it was because I’m honest, and I never tried to mislead them. Sometimes they were more on my side than I was.

So I guess I’d say that if you are always honest, and you talk about what’s bothering you without trying to hurt her, but also without trying to not hurt her—she’ll know you’re an upfront guy, and she may even come to understand why you have to go.

But this all depends on you being absolutely honest all the time, and clear on your boundaries. Like needing the space, whatever that means. If she is as needy as you portray her, I’m not sure there will be a “romantic” way to say good bye. And that’s all I got. Good luck.

five99one's avatar

Okay here is a list of supplies: cool, leather motorcycle jacket; cool, Harley-esque motorcycle; cool, black sunglasses; plain white tee; James Dean haircut; nice pair of jeans; devil may care attitude. Once you have assembled these things, you have to put it all on (besides the motorcycle) and ride your chopper to wherever your girlfriend is. Go get her and bring her outside, never taking off your sunglasses. Bring her over to your hog and tell her you have to leave, to go on a journey. A journey to find yourself. And stare off into the distance while you do this. Then stare deeply into her eyes, take off your sunglasses and kiss her passionately. Put your glasses back on, hop on your chopper and look back at her. Tell her that you’ll always remember her and you’ll be back one day. Start up your chopper, rev it a few times and then ride off into the distance, being really cool.

I’m sorry, I really couldn’t resist.

Dog's avatar

Why not be honest?

Let her know that her obsessive communication is more than you can handle but that you are sure she will find someone who appreciates her attention.

If that does not work just say goodbye.

qashqai's avatar

@five99one Haha! I didn’t consider it yet, but that would be such an option!

Resistka's avatar

Yes be 100% Honest, If you don’t love her tell her you just don’t have those feelings.. If you think she cares to much, tell her in the easiest caring way you can “I think you care to much for me and what I’m doing” and say it is not easy for you to break up with her, you obviously don’t think it’s going to be very easy, because you brought up this topic.

Adagio's avatar

@Resistka Do you think the behaviour is really a case of caring too much? It sounds far more like insecurity to me. It would seem as if this person’s world revolves completely around @gashgai, as if he is the only interest in her life, were I involved with someone like that I would find it utterly suffocating and feel the need to escape very quickly.

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