Any advice for the heartbroken and socially deprived?

It’s hard and it takes a long time but you will feel better. How do I know? Because you can verbalize your problems and you have started to seek help. It’s great that you are going to a therapist and group therapy is a wonderful place to work on social interaction skills. Finding some clubs and smaller classes for next semester will, as you suggest, help you meet more people which sounds like the main thing you need. As far as dealing with the Christmas break, if there are no old friends to connect with, maybe set yourself a fun porject that you can work on all alone. Maybe you want to reread LOTR but never had time too? Watch all of Tim Curry’s movies? Study French? Or run 5 miles in a faster time? Set yourself some goals, structure your day and take some pleasure in what you accomplish. Meanwhile, keep an eye out for people you might connect with in unlikely places – the library, a coffee shop. It will get better!

I have to agree with @janbb . It will be a bit crappy for a while but you literally just have to hang in there. When i separated from my ex (who I adored) I was absolutely shattered and it took me a LONG time to completely get over him. We were together for about the same time, but for a while and we both thought “this is it!” My whole world came crashing down when it ended.

The “moving-on” period is different for each person so don’t beat yourself up just because it’s only been 2 months and you still think of her. That’s natural! My ex and I have been separated for 3 years now and I think it took me a good 2 years to move on completely. He was a huge part of my life so I therefore don’t believe that I should feel silly for not getting over him quickly!

It’s really good that you’re seeing someone that you can talk to – something I now regret because I suffer from anxiety as a result of it. For me personally, even though I’m not “in-love” with him anymore I will always love him for the time we shared together.

I think joining a social group is a great idea! Also, believe it or not, internet dating has really worked for me! At first I thought it was a bit “taboo” and that my friends might look down upon me or see it as being terribly tragic but I think it’s not becoming a recognised form of social networking now days.

You won’t always meet up with everyone you cat to online (you don’t have to meet up at all if you don’t want), however, it is still good to chat to other people who share common interests with. I’ve met some really fantastic people online and the great thing is you start chatting before you meet so generally, it doesn’t matter what you look like, where you come from or what you’ve been through because by the time you meet, you’ve already developed some common ground. I find it a bit of a confidence boost also! :-) Plus you never know, you might meet a lovely girl on there! I’ve dated several people from the site I’m currently registered with and been also been in three relationships with members also.

You just need time and honestly, to stay positive. It’s all a learning curve and unfortunately won’t be the last time it will happen- story of my life! :-) It does, however, make you a stronger person and makes you realise exactly what you DO want in a person!

A word of advice – No doubt she hurt you and you got “burnt” pretty badly. As I said before, it’s all part of love, life and learning. The WORST thing you can do is allow those issues and feelings of mistrust and anger sabotage potential-future relationship. I’ve been where you have before and it’s not a pretty place, I know! My ex (that I spoke of) was the worst break-up I’ve had to deal with, but I’ve been dumped many-a-time before and it’s always a little disheartening!

In saying this however, I’ve made a personal choice NOT to let this past problems and fears get in the way of meeting new people and starting new relationships. Relationships/dating are always going to be a little scary at first and hard work. It’s ok to put your guard up, but not so much so that you never let anyone in or don’t allow yourself to trust new people. I’m so sick of dating people who have these issues. It’s such a waste of time for both you AND them! Being hurt by someone you care about is inevitable at some point or another if you’re going to play the dating game. It’s what you have to go through until you meet someone that is best suited to you. If you continually push people away however, then the only person you’re going to disadvantage is yourself!

You sound like a lovely guy and I’m sure it will all come good, it just takes time! Please keep me posted on how you’re doing!!

I know how you feel, I’ve been there too. Well..I know how I felt in this kind of situation!

I’d try to use the time to find your passions and work on cultivating them. Find something else that you love doing with your time other than people. You sound like you’re getting it pretty much together anyway xx You’ll be fine…it’s just time and self love and attention xx

and of course there’s always Fluther!! :-)

When my college romance ended, the hardest part was the void. When I met new people, I wanted to replicate the relationship I had with my previous boyfriend, and I wanted to feel exactly the same. I picked people who had the same interests as him, looked like him, etc. in an effort to construct a relationship that was just like the old relationship. It was miserable.

I was pretty lucky in that I have always been a person who spoke to everyone, so it was not that weird to move from saying hi to people that I would see in class and on campus to starting up conversations. I began telling people that I was interested in meeting new people because the break-up was hard on me, and left a void. I found there were a number of people, both male and female, who were in similar situations all around me. We started doing things together, like going for coffee, sitting next to eachother in class or the library, meeting up at a bar on the weekend, going to frat parties, etc. and it made the adjustment a bit easier. It wasn’t the same, but it helped.

Getting involved with service oriented organizations or projects on campus is a great way to distract yourself from yourself. As for the holidays, host a party for your friends. Spend time with elderly relatives. I see from some of your posts you are a film student; perhaps getting involved with the Smithsonian Center for Folklife and Cultural Heritage projects and creating family recordings over the holidays will help provide a base of distraction. If you go into them with no plans or structure, then you will feel bad. Give yourself “work” to do over the break, and schedule out things to do in advance.

“The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.”

Two months isn’t that long after a breakup to still feel edgy, give yourself a break on that part. Everything else you’re pursuing sounds great not just to distract from the emotional pull of the old relationship but in general for your betterment as a single person. Keep a lookout in local entertainment papers for anything of interest coming to town, maybe post about them on a community board through school to see if anyone wants to join up with you to go. If you like music shows, there are websites like last.fm that will show you bands coming to your area and give you the choice to say if you want to attend and show others who are wanting to attend, lots of people contact or friend each other and start hanging out that way.

I agree with @hungryhungryhortence . 2 months isn’t that long to recover from a relationship that had meaning for you.
Colleges are usually full of groups and clubs. Look into them (they are not all geeky).
Don’t worry about this too much. You are gonna do great!

Good thing about seeing the therapist. I did for a while when I first started college, and it helped A LOT. I loved being able to vent to some one who didn’t know who I was, who the people I was talking about were, and had absolutely no criticism or advice to give. She listened, she comforted, she gave me what I needed! Being able to hear yourself talk is very helpful!

As for the social issue. The group therapy may help, but I have never done it myself. I also go to a large university and it is HARD making friends, especially since many of them already have their own long time friends, which makes them uninterested in establishing a strong friendship with me. But I don’t give up! Clubs are okay, I joined some, and yeah, they aren’t THAT interesting, but the problem for me was that they meet at very inconvenient times… Being more involved and outgoing in class helps though. Some lecture classes, you can’t, but I have some studio classes in which we are encouraged to get up and talk to one another and walk around. Maybe you should take a class like that, if you can fit it into your schedule. The more outgoing you make yourself out to be around people, the more likely they are to invite you to an outing or event. I know some one is desperate to find people who want to go out and have fun, not because he has no friends, but because he enjoys making new ones. I’m sure people like him exist where you are, so find them! :D

As for the ex, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not easy, ever, for anyone. You have every right to feel bad about it, BUT, what you don’t want to do is allow it to bring you down. If it does, it will make socializing a LOT harder for you. You won’t be yourself, and because of this, it will turn people away. Let your relationship and break up be a learning process. I say, continue making yourself a better person as much as you can. This is an open door for you.

Two months isn’t that long to get over someone you’ve been in love with for over a year. It takes me a year or so to fully get over those people.. so don’t be hard on yourself that you’re still hurting. It way sucks, but it takes time.

I agree with the others here that 2 months is definitely not much time at all when you’ve been hurt like this. I went through this myself a little over a year ago, and it took me almost a year to really start feeling like myself again.

During this heartbreak period, I felt alone, depressed, unmotivated, had really low self esteem and had almost lost all hope for life and love. My ex and I have many mutual friends, so being around most of my friends was not really an option for me. Also many of my friends drink a lot, and I did not want to drown my sorrows in alcohol as I knew that was unhealthy. I was alone for the most part, to try to figure out what to do next, and it sucked.

There were a few things that helped me immensely in getting through this. I reconnected with the things I was really passionate about, but hadn’t been doing for one reason or another. I put together a list of things I wanted to do and/or accomplish before I die, and did many of these things which made me feel great. I sought out to better myself by learning some things I’ve always wanted to learn. I spent more time with my family and close friends that were not connected to my ex, and being around these people was such incredible help, and with some I became even closer to. During this period I also put myself out there more than I ever had, and met some new amazing and positive friends as well as did some incredible things I didn’t think I could do. When life didn’t seem worth living, all these things all helped me get through it all. It was slow and often very difficult, but I now when look back at what I went through, along with where I came from, I feel like a much better person.

Others here mentioned clubs and such, for meeting people, and on those lines I would also recommend meetup.com to try connecting with new people who have similar interests. Also volunteering, if you have time, will likely help you through this.

It’s not easy and only time and effort will get you through this. It’s great to see you taking positive steps, now make sure you give yourself time.

You are doing all the right things, and time will take care of the rest. If there’s anything we can do to lend a hand, and ear, a shoulder… please let us know. {hugs} to you!

You’re getting some really good advice here, and I have nothing to add about breaking up and time and things turning around. I’ve been through that, too, and the first time, it took me two years to get over it. It was miserable, constantly thinking about her, and constantly wondering what I did wrong. To this day, I don’t know why she broke up with me.

I’m trying to think about what I learned through that. One thing came after I started meeting other people and started building better relationships again. I learned I could survive that pain. I learned I could open up my heart again, and risk being hurt again. I learned that it didn’t kill me to be cut off from someone I loved.

Later on, I learned that I could find new relationships. I learned that other people thought I was lovable. I learned that (and this is my particular issue) other people loved me more than I loved myself. Because I did not believe I was lovable, I lost many opportunities, and eventually, I got very sick.

Unfortunately, that’s a lesson I’m still working on. fluther is actually a big help for me, on learning that other people see something valuable in me. It was quite shocking, actually. But I still have trouble taking it in.

I don’t know if I have any conclusion. My heart goes out to you. I’ve been there, and I don’t want to go back there, although sometimes it looks like I“m trying to go back. I guess I also have self-destructive impulses.

You’re doing the right things. Time is the only real healer. So you have to try to be patient (I was not good at this—still am not). I think you can try to surround yourself with other students by getting involved in various clubs that interest you. Do volunteer work. Join a community. Anything that helps you mix with the same group of people at least once a week (more is better).

Then don’t try to be someone you are not. Let yourself be you, and you may not find anyone for a while, but eventually, when you become more comfortable with this new you, it will be easier to be friend or even lovers with someone or someones.

I agree with all of the above. I’m going thru it now, at my age!!

Much thanks to the lot of you. I don’t take this as a black mark in my life, but rather another experience. And that’s what life’s all about right? Experience. I don’t believe that fate, karma, religion, destiny, etc… controls the human experience. If you want something, you got to go out and get it. Things will get better, but only if I make them better.

I’m going to use this break as my self improvement. Start anew in 2010. Like that phoenix thingy from Harry Potter. When it dies, it raises from it’s own ashes a new bird. Well, in my case, person.

Again though, thank you.

Im in the exact same situation. Except i live in the middle of nowhere and am taking online classes (so im even more socially deprived) lol.

But i just recently got a job and its kept me so busy i havnt had time to think about my ex. Id recommend trying to get a part time job and between that and school your bound to get more social interaction.

Good luck!

Sorry to bring up a dead question, but an unexpected turn occurred that like a 5 year old, I have to share.

Followed the advice of the lot of you and ended up finding someone new. Just in the nick of time to make this a cheerful holiday season for me.

I feel like that one Daft Punk song: “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.” Well, more just better and stronger but you get the point.

You among others helped me while I was down, and now I’m standing tall. Happy holidays and cheers to the lot of you.

@Haroot That’s just great!

@Haroot What did you do that sent you down a road where you met your new someone?

@Haroot – So glad to hear it! Last holiday season I was nursing a broken heart, and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Cheers to the New Year!!

@daloon I was actually went back to my old high school to watch their homecoming game. There I ran into an old friend of mine. Escalated into me asking her out.

@Haroot Nice! I hope it works out for you.

@Haroot Enjoy!