Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Men: what do you want women to be attracted to you for -- brains or brawn?

Asked by wundayatta (58663points) December 4th, 2009

I asked a similar question to women and was urged to ask it of men. This question is not meant to be a one-or-the-other question. That was just for purposes of the headline.

The real question is what do you want women to be attracted to in you, and in what proportion. I am suggesting intelligence vs physique as the dichotomy (although you can bring in other categories, should you wish). So how do you want to be attractive to women? 50/50 brains to brawn? 75/25? 20/80?

Also, please explain what aspect of brain or brawn you want to be liked for. For example, in the intelligence category, I would include attributes such as net worth, artistic abilities, earning power, pure brilliance, humor, conversational skills and more. In the brawn category I would include physical beauty, physical skill, sexual prowess and/or endowment, etc.

The above was about your ideal way of attracting women. Now, to extend it further, which of your attributes do you actually think is attractive to women, and in what proportion.

Note: I do not want to exclude any sexual preference from this. I am just using women as a convenient term. If you prefer men, then how do you want other men to be attracted to you, and which of your attributes do you think other men are actually attracted to?

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40 Answers

J0E's avatar

I don’t really care. As long as their attracted to me I’m happy.

Sarcasm's avatar

I haven’t the brawn (nor the looks), so I’ve been betting on brains.
Or my great sense of humor! Or my great endowment but I think they have to be attracted to me before I can trick them get them interested in seeing it!

ModernEpicurian's avatar

I’d like to think that women are attracted to my intelligence (wisdom etc.), however I think that they are almost more likely to be intimidated by this, so I almost have to hide this aspect of myself and then introduce them to it slowly.

I’m not the ugliest guy in the world, but I’m by no means a ‘pretty boy’, so I believe that my looks work more to the extent that women just wont be ‘put off’ me by them but wouldn’t necessarily go out with me based purely upon the strength of them.

I think that most women that have liked me are attracted to the fact that I can dictate and control a room of people quite easily and without most of them noticing. I prefer not to do this often, but they always like it when I do. It’s the whole power aspect I suppose.

flameboi's avatar

oh brains, brains brains brains…

eponymoushipster's avatar

@flameboi you want a zombie girl?

brains, i’d suppose. and, of course, my winning personality.

Sarcasm's avatar

@flameboi Don’t be surprised if this song starts playing some time in your life. I think it’s a sign that your dream girl has arrived.

MERVIN's avatar


evil2's avatar

a combination i would say, but its always nice to have them attracted to you phyically, but if you loose that what you got left?

flameboi's avatar

No i don’t want a zombie girl :s lol being considered “a good catch” is just so awful… I was at a friends house and you all know how much girls love to go to the batroom as if they were a gang, so as I didn’t know ½ of the people I was wandering around the property I accidentally end up smoking outside the bathroom and i hear all these girls talking…
g1… (name) just got here, he must be around…
g2… D’you know him?
g1… Yes, his name is (flameboy), he works at (where I work) and goes to (my college)
g3… really, that sounds impressive, how old is he
g1… 23 I think, he is such a good catch, if I were single I’d try to get his looks into my car for sure
g2… O.k. I’ll try to seduce him and see how it goes…
g1… he’s been single like forever, you won’t have problems
g3.. what car he drives?
g1… a (my old car)
g2… really??? o.k. If i see him first he’s mine… he used to model, right??
g1… yes, he retired a few years ago, but still…
g3… oh my, I better find him
Then that is why I choose brains (obviously the girls in this conversation didn’t have brains, of course they looked like a million dollars but still…. that is not important in the end)
Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind!!!

Medlang's avatar

depends on the dude. if they have more brains or more brawn.

SeventhSense's avatar

Well if they told me I had a beautiful body I might hold it against them….~

janbb's avatar


mrentropy's avatar

As I have little brawn I would go with brain.

I do, however, have Brawny if that counts?

CMaz's avatar

I want to be liked for my smooth skin and sharp smile.

cornbird's avatar

BRAINS! Most girls are definitely attracted to brains instead of brawns. I mean girls are attracted to physcially built men but if u look around at society, some guys who are not physically attractive has the best looking girls. WHY? you may ask urself…. Its because of their cunning which may be interpeted as a “great personality”.

wundayatta's avatar

This has nothing to do with what you currently have, or even what you want to have going for you. It has nothing to do with what women actually find attractive in you, or what you believe they find attractive in you.

The question is about what you wish women would find attractive in you, and in what proportion. In a sense, it’s your ideal mix for yourself; your idea of yourself; not what you do to conform to womens’ taste. If could make their taste conform to you, then what would you want their taste to be?
@oratio‘s answer suggest it’s 50/50 balance, because he just said “both,” and didn’t qualify the proportions.

I’m guessing that @ChazMaz wants to be liked 100% for physical attributes. That’s cool. I’m not much different.

In contrast—although I’m not sure I’m interpreting this correctly—it seems that @flameboi wants to be liked purely for his brains, and not for his body at all. 100% brains. Unless he is saying that he determines what he likes in a woman based solely on brains—a position I find highly doubtful.

@ModernEpicurian also wants to be liked purely for his brains. His explanation is that women are attracted to him because of his mental abilities.

To all those who are 100% brains: do you have not even an ounce of desire to have women be attracted by your body, as well? And vice versa; to all those who are 100% body, do you not have even an ounce of desire to have women attracted by your mind, as well?

cookieman's avatar

Well I’m married – but hypothetically: My Vast Knowledge of Marvel Comics History and Continuity.

::ahem::...perhaps it’s a good thing I’m already married

drClaw's avatar

I think both are important. My wife and I love spending hours talking about “insert subject” but I feel like she needs/wants to feel safe around me so I take it on myself to be the protector and part of that is brawn.

Also I agree with Adam Carolla when he says ” these days are becoming p*ssies…” More and more I find myself meeting guys that have never tested themselves as protectors, they have never thrown a punch, never played a sport, and to them the gym is 100% form over function. This may be an old fashioned way of thinking but I believe men should know how to fight and protect themselves or loved ones.

Naked_Homer's avatar

I guess humor, inabuility to spell, brains, that I am a genuine nice person, my inaubility to spell and then my inabillity to remember what I already put in lists.

CMaz's avatar

“I’m guessing that @ChazMaz wants to be liked 100% for physical attributes. That’s cool. I’m not much different.”

The intelligence is a given. ;-)

Dr_C's avatar

Both… as far as the proportion goes it’s sometimes nice to have someone underestimate your intelligence only to be surprised by it later. Kinda hard to do that with looks

wundayatta's avatar

@drClaw Interesting view of the uses of brawn. Do you think brawn is better than brain at providing protection? I suspect that most women would rather have a smart guy protecting them than a brawny guy, although that depends on what kinds of dangers they face. If they like going to bars, then a brawny guy might be good. ‘Course, a smart guy would never let them get into a dangerous bar in the first place, and if he did, he might hire muscle for the night.

ratboy's avatar

I’m hoping that some women are attracted out of pity.

Phobia's avatar

I’m with @drClaw maybe I’m old fashioned too I think there should be a good mix of brains and brawn. Brawn for being a “protector”, but brains so you aren’t completely uninteresting.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@ModernEpicurian I would love to be intimidated by your brains

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Both. Equally. Why wouldn’t you want that?

wundayatta's avatar

@NaturalMineralWater Not everyone is the same. Read through the answers.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@ModernEpicurian: How silly you think women are intimidated by intelligent, wise men! I wouldn’t put those traits on the back burner if I were you. Those traits can make a portly balding man with weak chin and beady eyes seem as if he’s rolled in crack dust.

Zen_Again's avatar

I’ll take both for 500 Alex.

Clair's avatar

@janbb hahahhaha, you are so wrong for that. XD
((Jumps back behind garbage can and eavesdrops on the guys))

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

@daloon I see a lot of both’s. XD The others? Not sure what’s goin on with that. lol.. everyone is different.. yes.

Axemusica's avatar

@flameboi “g3… really, that sounds impressive, how old is he” lmao they really said that? In that case I couldn’t agree with you more, haha.

Well, @daloon I seem to can’t get enough of your lovely questions, hehe. I guess I’ll start with what I’d like. My personality and sense of humor. I’m your typical nice guy that can amuse anyone. Harshly enough this seems to be my downfall since I’m so chummy with everyone, I’m always seen by “the comical nice guy” from all the interesting girls that are introduced by friends. In order to find one to actually date, I seem to be upfront about that motive, otherwise I’m immediately classified as just one of the guys.

What I think attracts the opposite sex is quite similar and different at the same time. Lately it’s been my looks. which I guess it’s true about men getting better looking as they age, I dunno It’s funny though I never was the “good looking” guy when I was younger, but now that I’m the “tall dark and handsome” guy I seem to only attract the younger ladies, which is seeming to ironically bad since they don’t “do it for me” not speaking sexually. The similar part of it is my humor. Like I said I can always bring a smile to someones face by only saying a few words. Lol, shit sometimes I don’t even have to speak. I’ve been told I’m very animated.

So I guess in turn, I want to be accepted mentally over all, but physically isn’t bad either. At this moment in my life I just want to meet someone I can relate to, talk to without thinking “she’s as dumb as a box of rocks. what am I doing here? and have great sex with.

SeventhSense's avatar

You might have to do some more shopping

plethora's avatar

Not brains, personality. It’s nice if they like my brawn too….and smarts.

Ela's avatar

I would love to have someone understand me and say to me that they loved how my mind worked.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Brains. I want a woman to be impressed with my intellectual yet absurd sense of humor.

I hope she appreciates my decent command of the English language providing knowledge of the rules so I can sometimes bend or break them for more colorful communication.

I hope she likes the fact that it isn’t important to me that everyone get the joke I made.

Brawn too, in a way of sorts. I’ll carry all the groceries to the top of my 5 floor walkup. Not to show off but for my own convenience.

Also, what 3 decades and multiple thousands of miles on the bike has done for my body.

This scene kills. It represents a brain and brawn tour de force:

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