Social Question

poofandmook's avatar

[NSFW] How far will a guy go just to get in a girl's pants?

Asked by poofandmook (17285points) August 10th, 2010

I know this is very broad, and my intention is certainly not to lump all men in one piggish category.

If a guy doesn’t get all touchy feely while kissing, try to cop a feel, try to get you to do something, or mention the subject at all… would that generally mean that he was just happy kissing, or would a guy go so far as to “convince” a girl he wasn’t pushing for sex in that way just to get her to let her guard down?

is this gibberish? I’m very tired.

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44 Answers

ZEPHYRA's avatar

So far there may be no return!

mrentropy's avatar

I can’t speak for everyone, but as far as I go, I’m not the pushy type and if the woman doesn’t want to go any further then I’ll be happy with what I have.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I’m trying to grasp the question, but I agree with mrentropy. It’s best when both really want it, so no, I don’t play games.

Frenchfry's avatar

I would move his hand if I wanted more or move mine. Doesn’t take a much to show you want more. He is probably waiting for a sign,

truecomedian's avatar

It’s like in chess, generally the winner is the guy who can think the most moves ahead. You are asking if guys think more than one move ahead in love, or just sex? If the guy has more depth, then he tends to be more into the love game, and in that case, he’s thinking ahead. If it’s just sex, it’s 50/50 on whether he grabs some ass or boobage. When in doubt, it’s 50/50, that’s a rule I live by.

poofandmook's avatar

What I mean is… if you’re seeing someone, and you’re all snuggly and holding hands… and you start kissing (I sort of hate the phrase “making out” but there it is), if a guy is only in it for the possibility of sex, would he go as far as to appear like he doesn’t care if it leads to sex only to lull the girl into a false sense of comfort so she’ll open up and jump in bed faster? Like @truecomedian said… thinking ahead in terms of sex, like a chess game. “If I appear apathetic, she will feel comfortable and have sex with me faster than if I appear to want it.”

CMaz's avatar

“or would a guy go so far as to “convince” a girl he wasn’t pushing for sex…”

Yea, that’s me. ;-)

bob_'s avatar

In the words of Buzz Lightyear, “To infinity and beyond!”

Blackberry's avatar

This is from some piggish guys I have known. In their minds, they are not physically hurting anyone, and they are not raping anyone as long as they eventually cave. It’s similar to a car salesman persuading you into a shitty deal: ultimately, you still made the decision, so their deceit doesn’t matter.

Of course, this is wrong.

Austinlad's avatar

If he’s a cross-dresser, probably just down the street to the nearest ladies ready-to-read store.

ninahenry's avatar

@Austinlad mahahahahaa. I suppose rape’s the furthest a guy would go to get into a girl’s pants.

mrentropy's avatar

I’ll go about 20 miles. Probably more.

ucme's avatar

The thighs the limit, as the pilot with a lisp once said ;¬}

Cruiser's avatar

To answer this would be giving away secrets as a guy I took a pledge never to disclose especially to the opposition!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@mrentropy GA. As a horny teen I once covered about 50 miles for a girl. She bailed out before I got anywhere.

mrentropy's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe The reward is in the journey.

people keep telling me that but, honestly, I don’t see it in that kind of situation

wundayatta's avatar

@poofandmook Guys are not that devious, in general. They make it clear what they want. A guy who is just in it for the sex is not going to waste that much time being all romantic when there are so many girls who will do it for a few drinks in the bar. If a guy is cuddling and kissing and “being a gentleman,” it means he really is a gentleman 99% of the time.

ratboy's avatar

Just a few inches below her navel, usually.

poofandmook's avatar

@wundayatta: I hope you’re right. He was being extremely gentlemanly and kept his hands above the waist the entire time :)

wundayatta's avatar

@poofandmook How well do you know him, anyway? You have to trust your own judgment, too. If you are uncomfortable, you should hold back until you do feel comfortable. If he is for real, he’ll be supportive. It sounds like you really like him, but things are going fast. Is that right?

poofandmook's avatar

@wundayatta: No. I do like him a lot, and he acts like he likes me a lot. But every relationship that ends badly leaves new scars that are harder and harder to forget… every time I’ve trusted and gotten burned looms in the background, making me question damn near every word. But I also feel it’s very unfair to make him pay for mistakes other assholes made. And I want things to be okay with us, because I really do like him.

Coloma's avatar

Anyone that pressures you is lacking in character.

A true ‘nice guy’ will always respect your limits.

Then there is the opposite, when you really WANT someone to make their move and you remain stuck in candyland instead of decadent dessert menu! lol

poofandmook's avatar

@Coloma: Right, he is definitely respecting limits. But because I’m a cynic and a skeptic, I wonder if his respect for limits is a ploy to get me to change the limits because he seems trustworthy.

I feel that way with every new guy I start talking to… not just this one. But this time, I really REALLY am trying to fight my own pessimistic brain on the subject. I don’t want to believe he isn’t being genuine. Because if he IS being genuine, then he’s really a great guy and I don’t want to blow it being suspicious.

I hate living in my head sometimes.

jazzjeppe's avatar

Nowhere, I’m not really a sex person. I care more about close contact, hugs and kisses and stormy feelings.

Zaku's avatar

A “guy would do that” yes, but there are various things a guy might or might not be thinking and do or not do the same thing. I think there is a pretty common guy concept of not escalating too fast having a better chance of better overall success. Men and women both go nuts trying to figure each other out.

CMaz's avatar

Wait. Do you mean as in wearing them?

Vincent_Lloyd's avatar

Actually I think you should have your guard up most of the time, since some guys that are like major douche bags will try to have sex and maybe dumb you the next day….But I don’t know this guy very well, I wouldn’t say he’s trying to get in your pants or vise versa. But if he’s pushing to have sex he’s giving you some sign, if he’s fine with kissing then let him enjoy the kissing. You’ll never know until he shows you that he wants to have sex with you, or you want to have sex with him.

BoBo1946's avatar

ummm…I’m having a problem with how to answer your question @poofandmook! I’ve always just gone with the flow. If it happens, fine..if not, fine!

Disc2021's avatar

I’ve learned that some people will go pretty far, deceptively, to get what they want in bed.

Anymore, I’m really not concerned with what I can and cannot get in bed.

wgallios's avatar

I know for me, it all depends on the female and the situation. I will be honest, I am a guy and sometimes I have the attitude of “I’m gonna go for it”, and when I do, no two situations are alike I find. Sometimes you do just have to kiss, and let that night go in order to know it will happen later. Some women go for the “Just go for it” attempt. I think it all depends.

I think the best thing I always find is when you are with a girl that you are trying to sleep with, don’t focus on hitting a home run, just take it as far as the situation will allow comfortability. Slow motion is better than no motion.

wundayatta's avatar

@poofandmook Let me reemphasize that you should not do anything you do not feel comfortable with. If you think this guy is playing a game and plans to dump you as soon as he gets in your pants, then let the relationship go on as long as you need to believe he is sincere. Let him go if he gives you an ultimatum about it.

You do not owe any man sex. It is your choice. If you choose to wait for a year, it’s your choice and that is fine. However, I would wait until I felt like I knew the guy very well before getting intimate.

Be wary of first impressions. Things can seem really great at the beginning of getting to know someone. This is because you hardly know anything. To fill in the gaps, you create fantasies of who the guy is, and those fantasies are of a wonderful person. Just be wary. That fantasy is almost always wrong.

Understanding the character of a person is like science in a way. You want them to behave the same way in similar situations over and over. If you see this, you can be relatively sure this is the real person, not some actor.

You’ve been burned, you say. I’m sorry about that. So your reticence is understandable. There is no formula for trust. You have to decide at some point if a person is predictable enough to get involved with. Wait until that point. You do not have to have sex with someone before then, and probably shouldn’t—depending on what you think sex is about.

poofandmook's avatar

@wundayatta: a joke was made about it last night, but we’d been tossing jokes and assorted witty comebacks of all kinds, including dirty ones if they were appropriate, all evening long. But I looked him dead in the face and I said, “I am not that type of girl. I won’t do anything unless I’m with someone, not just dating. There has to be real emotion behind it.” And with no hesitation or thought whatsoever, he looked me back right in the eye and said “good.” and smiled.

I don’t feel pressured at all. AT. ALL. That’s what I’m worried about. At least if I was pressured, I would know the score. But I don’t, and that makes me suspicious. I hate not trusting people sometimes. Oddly enough, it’s the fact that I trust too quickly that I don’t trust anyone. If that makes sense.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@poofandmook When I first saw this thread I had some lame comment about you can’t live your life based on the past going through my mind, but I now realize I was totally off base with that. I’ve never been badly hurt in a relationship and I now realize the damage it causes. I have hurt one other person badly, and it isn’t a good feeling. If anything, maybe I’ve picked up how important it is to do everything I can to avoid that in the future. And, yes, sometimes when we say ok, I’ll wait we really mean it.

mowens's avatar

A guy will go through the gates of hell to get sex. Me, I’m gay so this particular question doesn’t apply, but I have been known to do things in the name of sex that later I said, why the hell did I do that?

Ludy's avatar

It depends, like, my fiance told me that he would not try to touch me cause he was affraid of how I would respond, and he would not risk it so that said, sometimes time could give you a clue, like for how long a guy tries to be with you (sexually), but then again that’s just a clue, some guys would push you for as long as it takes cause they know you’ll crack at some point, and they just want the “trophy”, I don’t know :O

ducky_dnl's avatar

I’ve already been in my best friends (girl) pants. Seriously, we share clothes all of the time. If I have a shirt she wants to borrow, she can use it. If I want to use her pants, I can borrow them. I don’t have to do much. All I have to say is: “Can I wear your pants?” ;)

perspicacious's avatar

Gibberish. If you’ve been through high school you know how far they will go.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t feel pressured at all. AT. ALL. That’s what I’m worried about. At least if I was pressured, I would know the score. But I don’t, and that makes me suspicious. I hate not trusting people sometimes. Oddly enough, it’s the fact that I trust too quickly that I don’t trust anyone. If that makes sense.

@poofandmook I don’t think it’s the issue of the pressure or lack thereof. The important thing is that you are suspicious. The pressure, it seems to me, is coming from yourself.

This guy is not asking for anything you are uncomfortable with right now. Just let it be. Let it be until your suspicions are gone (or not).

You feel like you trust too quickly. Then give yourself more time. Check it out. Make sure your judgment is correct. Take as long as you need. Self-pressure, it seems to me, is as bad as pressure from the outside. Maybe even worse, since you have to struggle against yourself and you don’t know which side you are on. ;-)

poofandmook's avatar

Interesting… last night I jokingly asked him for a sleepover… and he said “not on a school night” and I don’t remember what I responded with.. something like “but I just HAD school tonight!” and he said, “where is your patience?” He thought I was inviting him over for sex. Within the hour, actually. And he said no.

I think that might be my answer.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Please do not make any assumptions. If you like the guy, just stay with it. People move at different paces. Maybe he has been hurt in past relationships as well.

mattbrowne's avatar

The girl can talk about her emotions for two hours and most guys will endure this. I think three hours is the absolute limit. Not getting into her pants seems more appealing.

jca's avatar

@wundayatta : per one of your earlier answers – that’s assuming that the guy would want a woman he could get with just a few drinks in a bar.

truecomedian's avatar

This question sort of cancels itself out, somehow it confuses the hell out of me. It makes the grand assumption that sexual advances are “piggish” however mutual. Or maybe I’m mistaken and that manipulative predatory behavior is the norm, all’s fair in love and war.

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