General Question

mikeyC's avatar

do you ever wonder if your " love one" is just very needy of you?

Asked by mikeyC (100points) February 21st, 2008 from iPhone

like if they do not drive or do not seem to do as much as you not 50/50 . Yes this is leaving alot of open ground here basic thats all I want to know.

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4 Answers

Poser's avatar

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that a “love one” actually loves you just because they might say they do. Many people tend to mistake longing or desire for love. Love isn’t needy or jealous. Love makes us want someone, rather than feel that we need them. Love is more concerned with the happiness of our partner than ourselves.

artemisdivine's avatar

i have been in love. true love. the “over the moon” kind of love. and that does not depend on if someone “drives” me or does the chores or anything else. its not about the day to day stuff that drives you crazy. if you find THE ONE. the true soul mate. true love is THERE. when its REAL and GENUINE, is best expressed by a phrase something that went like: I love who i am when i am with this person. very ver y few people find this in my estimation. and hard as it is to find, it is even more difficult to keep. most people end up settling. that is just how life is.

Lecture #3 in Ray’s “Life Healing Series.” Healthy relationships require two healthy people who want to be together. They don’t need one another, they want to be together. Each person compliments what the other already has – not make up for what is lacking. Each has an understanding and compassion for all that the other is and all that they can be. Let’s look at what makes a “healthy” relationship, false beliefs about love, what is true intimacy, and how to develop relationships which are good for us

Imagine now that we remove the element of need (and for sake of simplification we are merely speaking about “romantic love” and ignoring all other kinds). Your significantly significant other person and yourself are in love. You are also quite sure that your heart and the rest of your body and soul will go on without this other person. You would rather they stuck around, but if circumstances change or something happens that keeps you from being together, then you will not die. You realize from the onset that you do not “need” this person.

The need based relationship is most common in young people and in lonely people. It isn’t a real need. It is a perceived need. If you sit down and think about it without leaning on romantic images of “the one true love” and “there can be only one” you realize you don’t “need” this other person to be happy, complete or real.

Unconditional love is for the most part defined as loving someone for who they are. And most of us think of that as manifesting in the form of care, doing the things that make another person happy. That could be keeping a clean house, having sex, or avoiding conflict.

Love occurs without effort, without a spoken commitment, and without need. When someone’s foundation is weak, he turns to someone else for strength and calls it love. The strong pull of need nearly precludes the possibility of love. Love is a gift. If affection is required or required, it’s no longer love but a need


Romantic love is a modern invention, a myth born of Dependency and Need. It did not exist in prehistoric times because the predominantly matriarchal societies that existed then didn’t make women dependent. They didn’t restrict women’s wealth-producing activities or confiscate their rightful inheritance. They didn’t teach women to need a man’s approval because they had the Goddess’s. They loved themselves as the Goddess loved them—listening to their feelings, honoring their desires and fulfilling their needs. Women then looked to men to share their love and joy, not to “find” it.

cwilbur's avatar

Some of the time, I’ve not just wondered, I’ve known.

If it’s love, it’s a partnership: both people bring something to the table for the other one. It doesn’t have to be splitting everything 50/50 right down the middle, but if over the course of the relationship it doesn’t work out to being close to 50/50, something is up.

indicatebound's avatar

Yeah I’m the “loved one” in your question. A lot of use really need someone who loves us and does stuff for us. Which I have to assume is annoying and hasn’t worked out well for me at all. But I’ve always truly been in love.

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