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Brenna_o's avatar

Does the love and excitement of marriage die away after a certain time?

Asked by Brenna_o (1776points) January 12th, 2010

No I am not having mariage issues, nor am I married. I was just wondering if after you hve been married for a year, or however long if the love and “excitement” goes away?
I am wondering this because I have been in stores before and seen a 30 year old couple bickering and saying I hate you. Then yet I’ll see a 60 year old couple practically making out in the soap department.
Does the excitement die and then come back? Or do some people just have a better marriage then others do?

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12 Answers

Snarp's avatar

Of course the excitement goes away. You don’t have to be married or have been together for years to know that. There’s nothing more exciting than a new relationship, but that excitement will fade, every time.

The love on the other hand, well that’s up to you. Seems I’ve seen a lot of questions lately on the nature of love, and a lot of people are smart enough to answer that love is something that is active, not passive. You have to work at it and nurture it for it to last.

marinelife's avatar

Love can grow as intimacy grows. Marriage is something you have to work at to make it good and keep it good.

The key is honest communication.

Marriage is also cyclic. Sometimes it is more exciting than other times. What is left after the excitement is a warm caring and loving.

Silhouette's avatar

The tide ebbs and flows. 31 years of marriage and I have seen the excitement come and go and come again.

wonderingwhy's avatar

Love, if nurtured, wanted, and returned, can last forever. Excitement is transitory, if you need some go find it because one of the nice things about love is how much greater it makes those moments when you have someone who you can share it with.

flameboi's avatar

it’s over as soon as you receive the consolidated total of what you spent on the wedding day and the hm :s

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

In my experience, love grows but excitement levels change almost in cycles.

BoBo1946's avatar

like John Adams…not the President..loll

The four types of marriages Judith S. Wallerstein identifies include the “romantic”, the “rescue”, the “companionate”, and the “traditional”. In the “traditional” relationship, roles and responsibilities are clearly defined, with one partner’s being the primary wage earner and the other’s taking charge of the home and family. Although a feeling of love is important, romantic passion is not necessarily central to this type of relationship. However, in the “romantic” relationship a strong passionate, sexual component is the key ingredient. Each spouse possesses strong feelings of passion for the other. This feeling typically was present from the beginning of the relationship but also has been maintained in both active behavior and in memory. In the “rescue” type of relationship, either one or both partners were severely traumatized prior to the relationship and were still suffering when the relationship was initiated. Therefore, at the core of the “rescue” relationship is an attempt at a healing process, where the relationship provides an opportunity to soothe psychological wounds and to grow. Finally, in the “companionate” form, friendship and equality are at the core. Each partner attempts to balance psychological investment in career with psychological investment in the relationship and in the couple’s children.

sleepdoc's avatar

I think maybe you are asking about the difference in the I have got to have you right now (lust) and I love you some much that I can’t help but be with you (love) that can be seen in many relationships.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Respect, compassion and communication are what keep romantic love in play. Chip away at those things, argue dirty, grow bitter and you’ll be left with love of the past and growing disgust and avoidance for whatever lust occasionally surfaces.

Several relationships I’ve had fizzled in the passion within a year because of hurt feelings and lack of respect. On the flipside, I’ve had a relationship maintain love and passion into year four and it only crumbled because of hurt feelings and unforgiveness.

Anymore I believe if you’re careful with what comes out of your mouth and you actively communicate and continue to believe in one another (I believe compromise is akin to believing in something whereas giving in doesn’t entail any belief or togetherness, it’s more like giving up and trying to distract with other things) then love will persevere and grow.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

According to the descriptions given by @BoBo1946 , ours was a mutual “rescue”. I rescued her from abuse, she rescued me from depression.

Excitement can remain indefinitely, but requires a bit of effort and creativity. In my profession, long absences made for repeated “honeymoons” upon returning. Our relationship was so strong that niether of us needed to worry about fidelity issues when we were apart.

candide's avatar

I don’t know if I’d call it excitement – when two people are close and share their dreams together, they commit to be there for each other and build together a life in the midst of the world’s messes, to be there for each other, and it is the getting through those years together that engenders the closeness, and perhaps the fights, but whatever excitement is, it can come and go, just as other of life’s emotions ebb and flow, and people take it as it comes, knowing that their lifetime companion and friend is there to experience them together

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. If it dies out or not depends on those who are in it. True love would be like an ember in a wood roof or a butt smoldering away in the cushions of the sofa that becomes a raging fire. If it is more about sex and lust it will be like a raging fire that will cool to a near burned out ember.

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