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johnny0313x's avatar

Do you think gay relationships work?

Asked by johnny0313x (1855points) March 1st, 2008 from iPhone

do u think gay relationships work? Or do most gay males or females end up lonely? What do u think the reasoning is? Do you know any gay relationships that have had two faithful partners for an extended amount of years?

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20 Answers

cake7's avatar

I think its about the same as a straight relationship. Maybe the reason lots dont last long is because the stress that society puts on them.

jrpowell's avatar

I know a few gay couples that have been together for a long time. Actually, they tend to work out better than most straight couples I know.

Vincentt's avatar

There are lots of gay couples, so apparently it works.

boots74's avatar

Its against the Word of God, so it will never work, it may seem fine for a time, but in the end when those who go against Gods laws are burning in hell. Was it really worth it?

deepseas72's avatar

hey johnny…I inadvertently answered your question in another persons inquiry, but to elaborate, my best friends, who are both male, have been in a beautiful commutedrelationship for eighteen years. I have three other gay couples as friends who have been together for over six years. An aquaintance of mine has been with his male partner for twenty three years. As stated previously, society places a LOT more stress and anxiety on gay couples. We don’t always enjoy the support of family, church, government, and society. This makes a healthy relationship much harder to achieve, nut it is absolutely possible, my friend. You just have to remember the most important factor: LOVE.

PupnTaco's avatar

Do straight relationships work?

It depends.

Do gay relationships work?

Same answer. Why would it be different?

gailcalled's avatar

I have two sets of gay (male) couple friends; they have been together, harmoniously and happily for over 10 years. NO God that I might consider would have them burn in Hell. One’s religious beliefs are private and personal and have no universal umbrella implications.

GD_Kimble's avatar

@gailcalled—Damn right.
Off the top of my head, I know of two relationships going strong after over 25 years together.

Emilyy's avatar

Wow. While I’m not really interested in debating the moral implications of homosexuality here, I think that relationships in general are complicated and difficult to predict. I know gay couples who’ve been in it for years, and others who stay single, and yet other same-sex relationships that have failed. I mean, 50% of straight marriages end in divorce, and I’d say that gay long-term relationships are probably just as likely to survive, or fail, or be really freaking confusing to those involved.

nerfmissile's avatar

Yes, all relationships are complicated. The myth that gay relationships are particularly difficult or can’t by nature work is perpetuated by 1) A fearful heterosexual majority and 2) The hedonistic gay culture of the 80s that valued nickel-deep virtues such as maximum hedonism and minimum depth as paramount. There are plenty of animal species out there that mate for life with the same sex… and they don’t have to deal with systematic hate or fear.

As a gay man, I can safely say that gay culture is still reeling from the shockwaves of 80s-era shallows and perfectionism. Openly gay males tend to be upwardly mobile, perhaps partly because one has to have guts to be open and partly because—at least gay males—don’t tend to immediately accrue the huge expenses of heterosexual couples, such as large homes in the suburbs, giant SUVs and children. So, tending to have disposable income aggravates the perfectionism and keeping-up-with-the-Joneses consumer culture among many gay couples.

Deepseas is absolutely right, the deciding factor in any relationship is love. Relationships are only as strong as their weakest link of love. Lots of gay men are looking for quick gratification, something “hot” and “young” ... but not all men are shallow. Depth and spiritual wisdom vary to some extent in direct correlation with intelligence and experience… so gays looking for stability would do well to target older geeks instead of confused 20something twinks.

Oh and Boots… we’re already burning in Hell. That’s what this life is. Make things an order of magnitude more difficult for the average human being and we’d dissociate—lose our personalities, humanity and ability to suffer. Thanks for contributing your common dollop of hate to this pot of human suffering.

johnny0313x's avatar

boots I don’t remember asking if gays will burn in hell…do you think people who are shallow and closed minded burn in hell? Anyhow great answers everyone!

Emilyy's avatar

@johnny: Yeah, I didn’t think you asked that question either! Oh well, almost everyone was able to stick on topic.

cwilbur's avatar

@boots: Judge not, lest ye be judged; let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

(Or, as Teresa Nielsen Hayden put it when she was excommunicated and “cast out” from the Mormon church: “I don’t think the gift of the Holy Spirit is yours to either give or take away.”)

That said, I don’t think gay relationships are inherently any harder or easier to make work than straight ones; the difference is that there’s a lot of social support for straight people in their relationships but not much for gay people. And gay institutions being what they are, it’s often easier to just go out and find someone new to have a six-month relationship with (if that long) than to fix the problems in an existing relationship.

I have a good (gay) friend who theorizes that one of the real problems that gay men have is that they have no support in the relationship transition from “this is new and exciting, and I am discovering new things about him!” to “I know him well, and that reassures me”—as he puts it, the difference between the bonfire, which is very showy and dangerous, and the embers, which are predictable but give off heat for hours. In the straight world, where it’s expected that serious relationships will result in marriage and kids, there’s a lot of support for getting through that transition. In the gay world, when it stops being new and exciting, a lot of men misinterpret that as falling out of love or losing interest and start looking elsewhere.

Riser's avatar

Ive been happy with the same man and neither of us are burning in hell.

Noon's avatar

I first have to say there have been some amazing answers here. I’ve never clicked “Great Answer!” so many times in one question.

I’d have to agree with most that relationships are hard to begin with regardless of their same sex or opposite sex status. I think boots said it best when ey explained the lack of support same sex couples have currently.

I have been in the same relationship for almost 5 years now with my boyfriend. Of all of my relatives (big family) I have that are my age, I am the one that has been with my partner the longest. However two of these said relatives are married (another is getting married this summer), and have received much support from family, friends, society, and government. And If they were to have any problems with their relationships they would have a huge support group to help keep them together. If I were to have the same problems with my relationship, I would still have a support group, but it would be significantly smaller. Would that difference make or break my relationship, I hope not, but it does have to be factored in when you consider the current state of gay relationships.

judochop's avatar

How is it any different than a “straight” relationship?
Aside from the fact that the chromosomes match?
I would say it probably works better due to there being so many people that try to make it hard for gay couples to be together. I know that when the chips are down so to speak, people tend to pull together. Hence the tight knit and awesome gay community.

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deuteronpsi's avatar

My boyfriend of 6.5 years and I just seperated under completely civil terms. We had, and still have, a marvelous relationship and one that many of our friends envy. So to answer the question, yes gay relationships can work and flourish. I have more straight friends than I have gay friends and we have had many discussions about how my gay relationship is no different at all than their straight ones. This from friends just dating and others that are married. I lived with my boyfriend for 6 of those 6.5 years. We experience the same stupid arguments with our partners as well as the same periods of total happiness, euphoria, and love.

One of my gay friends has never had a stable relationship. He has been mostly single. His longest realtionship lasted a little over a year and was with a man that was married and had a child. He was technically still married while he was dating my friend. I have straight friends that have had equally volatile relationships while others have married their high school sweethearts and are living happily ever after.

In contrast to that gay relationship, is another gay friend that has life partner. They have a child together and the child calls them both dad and loves each of them. It is very sweet to see and something I am hoping to have one day.

Society unfortunately does put a lot of undue pressure on gays because most people simply don’t understand. I have actually had someone tell me in the past that it is impossible for a man to fall in love with another man the way a man and a woman fall in love together. If I was a violent person I would have knocked him out but instead I asked him to cite his evidence to support his argument. Like most people that make rash judgements he stumbled with his words and made himself look ignorant. I’ll tolerate any arguement if there is something that is used to back it up and not just opinion.

In my experience, gay relationships that are working are based on the most unconditional love I have ever witnessed. Even those that have not been blessed with a stable relationship with someone still exhibit that same level of love towards others in their life.

If the world can learn to love like a gay, we could do amazing things.

singman's avatar

Yes. Gay relationships can and do work. At some point, if 2 people love each other, they have to make & stick with, the decision for the relationship to work, no matter what. Gay people A N D society have to realize that ‘men w/ men’ IS a completely different relationship dynamic than ‘men w/ women’ – and there’s nothing wrong with that! Someone please tell me – WHY WOULD 2 GUYS want to try to conduct their romance the same way a heterosexual couple does? No. No. American society is already over-taken enough by the curse of Estrogen – watching gay men evolve during these changing times is normal, fun, and interesting. A healthy gay relationship is wonderful, so much fun and VERY worth working for if the 2 people involved are willing to be loyal, committed and keep the spice too. The same is true for lesbian couples. We all need to look at the big picture here, and just realize that LOVE takes hard work & commitment, and LOVE is not a one time purchase that you get at the hardware store and has a life time guarantee. Love is complex, difficult, beautiful, spontaneous, painful, BLISSFUL, and enduring. Real love endures. No matter what the gender of those involved.
And please – let’s stop doubting gay relationship sustainability because of gay promiscuity – - as if straight guys aren’t MORE promiscuous? I’m not saying promiscuity is okay for EITHER side. Promiscuous people – gay or straight – choose to set them selves up for failure, and that’s their problem. Gay or straight – they follow the desires of their FLESH, rather than choosing to do what’s right for the relationship.
That’s no ones fault but the people involved. Gay or straight.

AshtonAnders's avatar

I totally agree with Emilyy on the question if gay relationships work. Some do, and some don’t. Labels and titles can add pressure. Relationships are or straight. But i think for any relationship to be successfully everlasting (literally meaning,“till death do you part,”) it takes both people in it to believe. They both have to believe in themselves and one another. Any relationship, over time will eventually require some kind of..i don’t wanna say work, let’s say tasks or “keeping up with”; weather it be coping/understanding, trust, developing a sense of humor, Some sparks fade, some don’t. Some just know how to keep igniting one another. Some people believe that 2 people in a relationship will never have a completely balanced mutual feelings for each other. Maybe this does exist, and it’s just rare. Some people end up being alone, but i personally feel that ultimately ends up being their decision. Some people are very promiscuous back in their hay day and as they get older they end up not wanting to have any partners. And vice versa. People change, weather they realize it in themselves or not. Relationships can be very unpredictable, just like life. If you get stuck in a grey spot- try to work your way out. Ultimately, i believe it’s just about being happy and grateful. True happiness.

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