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Your_Majesty's avatar

How can you ask for his money?

Asked by Your_Majesty (8235points) January 28th, 2010

After you get married and have a child. How did you deal with your own household financial?,do you always ask some money from your husband?(even if you’re a career woman). How did you do that?(ask directly,already in promise,his own awareness,or else),do you always depend on that?,do you think that is his necessary responsibility?(many wives will ask 75% from their husband’s salary). If yes,how much will you ask?(do you think he’ll agree with you?).

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32 Answers

marinelife's avatar

We kleep our money in a joint checking account. Each month we do a budget and we agree on where the money is going.

grumpyfish's avatar

We discuss the finances, and established how much money there is to go around and generally just share equally. That is, there are the baseline household expenses like the mortgage, groceries, etc. That comes out of the pot. There’s savings that vary month to month, and there is (when possible) an allowance that comes out equally.

If there’s something I want (e.g., if I wanted to buy a new computer), we’d discuss it, and figure out how to find the money.

Oh, and, while I make most of the money, my wife handles all of the finances. I like it that way.

Fyrius's avatar

Isn’t it his household too?

john65pennington's avatar

Men understand this, at least the good men understand this. its called communication. a marriage, rightfully, should be 50–50. most successful marriages are actually 60–40. generally, the woman expects her husband to be her hero and this also includes all things financial. my wife and i discuus everything pertaining to money. we both are retired. she has her bank account and i have mine. this solved a lot of problems, when our SS checks were deposited. before retirement, if my wife needed something and i was not around, she just bought it and gave me the receipt. the receipt is very important in order to balance checkbooks. we have never had a squabble over money. when a woman has a baby, its understandable that there will be changes in bread-winning department. this is called planning. in other words, open your mouth and say. “honey, i need some money”.

___'s avatar

@Fyrius I too find the wording of ‘his money’ etc odd.. like how to get the most out of him.

wundayatta's avatar

Well, in every relationship I’ve ever been in, we’ve either had our own money, or we’ve merged into one pot of money we both use. That’s how we handle it in my family now—everything is merged except retirement accounts. We make decisions about purchases together. The point above which we need to consult with each other is somewhere between 75 and 125 dollars.

We share two credit cards and three bank/brokerage accounts. We don’t really watch each other very closely as far as the small stuff is concerned. I guess it’s about trust. So there’s no need to ask for “his” or “her” money because it’s “our” money.

Nullo's avatar

My folks have joint checking. Large purchases are discussed, small purchases are not. My dad handles things like bills and budgets, and when discretionary spending money is tight, will ask my mom not to buy anything until the next round of checks comes in. He has a similar routine with credit cards so that the charges are more evenly distributed.

casheroo's avatar

His money? No, it’s our money, even if I don’t work. We are married, and everything is done jointly.
Of course we discuss big purchases. He also usually knows when I’m going to be spending money, since I text him and tell him what me and our son are up to for the day.
I’ve never heard that “many wives ask for 75% of his salary” that’s a new one to me.

trailsillustrated's avatar

I just say I need xx and then he puts it in my cheque account if there’s not enough-

tedibear's avatar

His money? What the heck? Even if I wasn’t working outside the home I would consider it our money because it would be a choice we made for me to not work. And if it was the other way, him at home and me out to work, it would be exactly the same!

Our money is in joint accounts. We check with the other if we’re going to make a large purchase – over $100 or so – but that’s it. He’s a responsible adult and so am I, so we trust each other to make rational monetary decisions.

knitfroggy's avatar

We share our money. We have two joint accounts. It works best for us. I put my money in my account and vice versa. We each have certain bills we take care of. Out of common courtesy I may ask him for $20 if I need some cash and he has some, but I don’t really have to ask, basically I’m just letting him know I’m taking money from his wallet.

kidkosmik's avatar

I would rather have her ask for money than share my account. When we did have a joint account I would hate hearing “What’s this?” or “Why did you buy X?”

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

We never had a “mine” and “hers”. Although most of the income and property derived from me (or my family) I gave up that concept when I chose to marry. The only separate funds were proceeds from a lawsuit that my wife won against a former abuser. Those were placed in trust for the benefit of battered women.
I always made sure that my lady was well aware of all our finances. Being 20 years her senior, I always assumed that she would eventually have to deal with this on her own. Unfortunately this turned out not to be the case. I may be old-fashioned, but I always considered a marriage to be “we”, not “mine” and “yours”. In this age of prenuptual agreements, etc this may no longer be applicable, but this is where this dinosaur stood.

ShanEnri's avatar

My husband and I agreed that I would be a stay at home mom. So I have no problem asking for money when I need to. I usually get $20 a week for myself to do with as I wish! I ask for no more unless I find a book or something I want extra! All the rest of the money goes to groceries and bills which we all benefit from!

Darwin's avatar

Both of us worked, and both of us kept our original bank accounts. We just added the other on as a signatory. He was in charge of certain expenses and I was in charge of others. For major expenses such as remodeling the house, we discussed the pros and cons together and contributed 50:50 to the resulting project.

Ordinarily I would have opted for joint accounts all the way, but he and I have very different money management philosophies so it was better to keep things separate. In any case, it is all moot now. We are both retired and he is too ill to handle bill paying so I do it all. I just let him know how things are going periodically.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I work, he’s on unemployment. We have separate checking accounts and a joint savings account. To the latter we contribute a certain percentage of the money we receive (so my portion, understandably so, is bigger). With the money in my checking account, I pay for rent, my son’s daycare, for my yoga classes, my husband’s guitar classes, my loans and big purchases (which we always discuss). With his left-over money he pays his loans and purchases all food for the household. He also has a credit card that he uses and pays for that. I have a debit card that we both have access to if necessary but there’s never any money on it. Money is tight, we make the best of it. Soon enough, he will have a full time or a part time job once our youngest goes to pre-school. Then, he will pay for his pre-school fees and that should just about run his money dry but hopefully he will have no more loan payments by then.

The situation above is relatively new. The rest of the time, in our relationship, he was employed and I was either in graduate school or pregnant or with the infant.

cookieman's avatar

We both work FT (I also have a PT job).

All money goes into the same account. Budgets are made monthly and adjusted as we go (I believe the financial term is “winging it”).

Retirement accounts are seperate and paid into pre-tax.

We tried budgeting spending money, but it never works. So whatever’s left after bills and essentials is fair game.

Seek's avatar

I don’t work, and I’m dyscalculic, so there’s no point in my trying to help manage a budget. I’d do much more harm than good.

When I need stuff for the household, my solution is to make a list of exactly what I need and about what it costs. I hand it to my hubby, and he gets me the money.

philosopher's avatar

We always shared everything .

YARNLADY's avatar

In the US when a couple gets married the usual arrangement is to open a joint bank account with both the husband and the wife as equal partners with equal ability to deposit and withdraw. They usually discuss and agree on what expenses are to be paid, especially if both work.

It is possible that in some marriages, both maintain separate accounts for deposits and they have to come to some agreement on who pays what expenses.

cookieman's avatar

Aside: I knew a couple who not only had seperate bank accounts, they payed bills seperately also (like roomates), took seperate vacations and even went so far as to buy seperate gifts for their son on birthdays and holidays.

avengerscion's avatar

I always keep finances separate. We each pay for our own things (vehicles, insurance, cell phone, etc.), and we split the child’s expenses. If we shared a bank account, he would drain it because he’s financially irresponsible. God forbid I ever ask him to help, yet I’ve helped him too many times to remember them all. It sucks at times, but I’d rather live within my own means than rely on/expect help from him.

YARNLADY's avatar

I would like to ammend my question – In the U.S. couples choose the plan that best fits their needs, except that according to what I read the biggest reason for divorce is “financial differences”.

Nullo's avatar

That’s a little extreme. Did they sleep in separate rooms, too?

YARNLADY's avatar

I meant my answer, not my question.

cookieman's avatar

@Nullo: They did sleep in the same room as far as I know, but they did finally get divorced after twenty years of marriage (perhaps not surprisingly).

Nullo's avatar

What’s surprising is that they lasted that long. :\

Darwin's avatar

@Nullo and @cprevite – I have a cousin who did precisely that, except they had adjoining apartments so either could be completely alone when they chose. It may sound like a strange way to be married, but his preceding four marriages all together lasted less than 10 years, while this arrangement has gone on for twenty. However, they have no children together.

cookieman's avatar

@Darwin: “Adjoining Apartments”?! That’s just insane to me – but it works for them.

Darwin's avatar

@cprevite – There was a connecting door.

cookieman's avatar

@Darwin: Was there a photo of him mounted on her side of the door and vice versa? :^)

Darwin's avatar

@cprevite – Nope. They were smart enough to remember what each other looks like.

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