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ducky_dnl's avatar

Is it okay to see my life as a joke...

Asked by ducky_dnl (5378points) February 12th, 2010

Is it fine for a person like me to think my life’s one huge joke. Today is the one month anniversary of my friends death. I hate myself for that reason. I have Multiple Myeloma Stage 3, my hair has been falling out, I feel sick all of the time. I hate talking to my friends because they have nothing constructive or fun to talk about. They have no sympathy..NO HEARTS! I don’t care if I live or die anymore. I mean if the cancer doesn’t get me, I’m sure with my luck I’ll probably die soon anyway. I can tell I am starting to become so hatefilled. I act sweet, but I hate all most everyone in my life. I can’t go to the university I want to because I have to stay here. My family is selfish and literally loves making my mom and I feel like trash. They tell her it’s my fault for getting cancer, and that I should pay the hospital bills myself. I work and do help pay for my bills. ugh, what do I do?

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12 Answers

Sophief's avatar

I’m sorry for what you are going through, it cannot be easy for. Have you started treatment for your cancer?. It is no ones fault you have cancer, and it doesn’t make your mum a bad person. I can understand you hating your life, the best thing you can do is try to fight this terrible disease. I wish you well.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

There is a lot of wrong treatment in your life – these ‘friends’ aren’t real friends and some of your family members are hateful and uninformed. Given your tough situation, feeling like your life is a joke seems all right by me because I’d expect you to feel all kinds of things in order to cope. Multiple Myeloma is not a death sentence, please call 18002772345 (American Cancer Society) if you can’t afford your treatment or meds or if you want to get connected to a support group. And I can get you a free wig. You can PM me and we can talk over the phone and I can put in services requests on your behalf to make sure all your stuff will be addressed. (this is my job, by the way).

ducky_dnl's avatar

Dibley: I have started medication, but not the chemotherapy yet.

Sophief's avatar

@ducky_dnl When do you start chemo?

ducky_dnl's avatar

@Dibley This coming Wednesday.

Sophief's avatar

@ducky_dnl Well it will make you feel really ill, but hopefully it will kill the cancer. You have your mum, take no notice of everyone else, concentrate on yourself and get better, also, your friend that has passed away, I’m sure he would want you well.

smokeweedeveryday's avatar

Well if you say that those are your real friends ans there making you feel even worse than you already do, then their not your real friends. Get some new ones. Ones that actually support you!

skfinkel's avatar

I think life is kind of a joke—but it is all we have. Joke or not, it is yours. And even though your are going through a really challenging time, you can make the best of it. There is your mother, who no doubt loves you and supports you (and who—of course—did not cause your cancer). And there are books, and music, and nature, and art and whatever you love to see and do that does make life worth living. It sounds like you are grieving as well—so sorry for the loss of your friend. In your life, you will find other people to love. When you get well, I hope you can attend the university that you wanted to. It appears others have some suggestions about the cost of the treatment. Good luck to you.

CMaz's avatar

Yes.

Is that want you want to hear?

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

About the cancer; all I can do is offer you a ((hug)). Depression often goes hand-in-hand with bad situations. It can alter your perception of reality. You may need treatment for this as well. Do as @Simone_De_Beauvoir suggests about the cancer-related things; she knows.
My depression constantly tells me that life is just a cruel joke. There are treatments that can make those voices quieter.

Just_Justine's avatar

I am sorry to hear this is happening to you. I just read your post and saw a lot of anger really. As opposed to merriment. I don’t blame you for being angry. You shouldn’t blame your self either, not for being angry or for your cancer of course. Hugs

thriftymaid's avatar

The answer is, just no.

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