Social Question

Alchemist's avatar

This gay guy won't leave me alone. What now?

Asked by Alchemist (68points) February 13th, 2010

I am strictly heterosexual. I don’t find other men attractive in that way. But this guy doesn’t get that. I said no lots of times, but he still comes and begs and pushes. I am tired of it. Help?

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23 Answers

Master's avatar

You can always mention you won’t take any sexual harassment from him or anyone. There are laws against that and they work for anyone!

absalom's avatar

I think it has more to do with the fact that he can’t take a hint than the fact that he is gay. How would you deal with a girl that refuses to leave you alone?

ucme's avatar

You could always go camping.Fabulous way to bond, platonically of course.

Dog's avatar

I think more details are in order.

How do you come into contact with this person? Do you work together? Is the person an authority figure or just a neighbor?
What are you seeing as “coming on to you?”

Your answers to this will help us get a better picture of what is going on.

willbrawn's avatar

Tell him “No I am not interested in you in any way, shape, or form. Please stop hitting on me and leave me alone”.

If that doesn’t work, file a restraining order : )

Dog's avatar

^^ What @willbrawn said.

Dan_DeColumna's avatar

Well, there are several methods of varying legality to deal with this:

1.) Sit him down and explain to him it makes you uncomfortable and you wish him to stop. Immediately. Speak to him as if he were a hyperactive child and you were a patience-strained parent.

2.) Get a girlfriend and have her on your arm. Even if he doesn’t stop, most girls wouldn’t put up with that crap and have their own insidious ways of stopping it.

3.) Threaten to bring sexual harassment charges on him if he doesn’t cease and desist (record the conversation).

4.) You could always be an incredibly evil human being and do this. I do not condone that behavior in any way, shape, or form though.


He obviously likes you, and rather than getting mad at him and hurting his feelings, just tell him in a direct but civil manner “Please stop asking me. I like you, but I am not attracted to you in the same way you are attracted to me. When you keep doing this, it annoys and distresses me. You don’t want to hurt me, right? So please stop it. No hard feelings.”

Pretty_Lilly's avatar

Get him a ticket to “Guys and Dolls ” or any Broadway show J/K
Tell him : Listen Dude,I’m not gay but if I were.,,,, I think I could do better than you !
That should shut him up !


Personally, I would take any attraction from anyone as flattery (lol), but when it goes too far, it becomes weird and that’s when you should consider getting a restraining order, like willbrawn said. But only after I tried my best to dissuade the guy as civilly as possible, without resorting to hate or violence. Straight people like us should always strive to be sympathetic to what gay people go through——but of course no one should put up with constant harassment.

judochop's avatar

I am going to go out on a limb here and blame you for why he can’t take a hint. Be direct and if need be tell him that you will press sexual harassment charges against him. Let him know that you were not born gay and that you do not see men in that light….Okay so after reading what @MRSHINYSHOES wrote….What he said.

Arisztid's avatar

The thing is this: the fellow knows that you are straight. You have made that abundantly clear. You are straight, you are going to remain straight, and no amount of pressure from him is going to change that.

What I am seeing is “jerk” or “obsessed.” It does not matter his gender or sexual orientation. A woman who did this when you said “no” would fall under the same category.

Either way, you are going to have to be less pleasant than you have been. I am guessing that you have tried all of the nice ways.

I would say that it is time to tell your boss, if you are at work, a teacher, if you are at school, and use what authorities are available to get him to cease and desist. Tell him that what he is doing is harassing you and you can, and will, press it legally if he does not desist. If it comes to it… restraining order.

laureth's avatar

Removed by me, because I basically said what @absalom said.

Marva's avatar

If you can stop any contacts with this man, I would suggest you did so, otherwise, I agree with @Arisztid, but, also suggest another way of thinking:
You might have seen the movie “bleep” or “The secret” and others that show us clearly how everything in our reality is our own manifestation?
I would ask: what is this situation even doing in your life?
Have you also not taken no for an answer not once?
Do you know how to set and maintain your borders?
Do you have an isuue, of any sort, with gayness?
Or maybe an issue with attracting undesired love?
Try to think how and why this situation has come to your life, you can make the right change from there, or take it just as a mind game.
If you need help figuring it out, message me.

neverawake's avatar

He’s secretly trying to convert you. Get away. Fast.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

It’s a person with a crush. The best way to deal with this is to be blunt. The more you try to be the nice guy, the more likely he is to continue latching on to you.

john65pennington's avatar

Restraining Order should take care of this problem. call the police and make a report for sexual harrassment. once the report is made, you can see a magistrate or judge for a restraining order on this person. each time this person violates the active restraining order, its ten days to serve in jail. a few days in jail should send him a serious message.

jctennis123's avatar

Wow. That is one weird situation. Good luck bro

Cruiser's avatar

The fact that you haven’t done more to shut this guy down confuses me…are you confused?

Violet's avatar

Have you actually told him you’re straight and not interested? Are you sure he’s coming on to you? Maybe he’s just a nice and friendly guy. Are you even sure he’s gay?

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