General Question

CharlieGirl's avatar

If you are gay and you like the same sex,are you attracted to other gays or everyone who is attractive to you?

Asked by CharlieGirl (438points) February 24th, 2010

For example,if I saw someone who I liked and they weren’t gay,do you think that it’s wrong,or what?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

28 Answers

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I’m not sure I completely understand your question. I’m not gay but have many friends who are. They seem to be no more promiscuous than anyone else. I might find myself physically attracted to a women who is oriented towards women, I repect her orientation.

janbb's avatar

It’s not wrong but it might be frustrating.

jazzjeppe's avatar

I would say attraction comes first, then knowledge of sexual orientation.

CharlieGirl's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land It’s really a two part question because I’m gay and I was wondering if it were normal for me to become attracted to the same sex who is straight.

CharlieGirl's avatar

thank you all so far for your answers.

jazzjeppe's avatar

As well as I have had interest in girls who turned out to be gay, I guess it’s perfectly normal the other way round.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@CharlieGirl I get your question. I’m a hetero male, but if I see a hot lady, I’ll look even if I know she’s gay.

limeaide's avatar

To answer the question backwards I’m straight and have been attracted to several women that are gay. So what @jazzjeppe says, attraction comes first.

Jude's avatar

” It’s really a two part question because I’m gay and I was wondering if it were normal for me to become attracted to the same sex who is straight”

Of course! I’m a lesbian and I’ve had my fair share of straight women crushes. With a few, they decided to give it a try (bi-curious) and we got together.

I think that women are beautiful! I’m attracted to all types of women ~ gay, bi, straight.

CharlieGirl's avatar

Thank you @jjmah! Thank you all!

tinyfaery's avatar

In my experience (I’m a bi girl married to a woman for almost 9 years), my attractions to the same sex have always been oriented toward girls that did indeed turn out to be attracted to the same sex. Some people call it gaydar, but what it really is, I do not know. There are subconscious cues that come across somehow.

Having said that, yes it’s normal. You are attracted to a certain sex not a sexual orientation.

Grisaille's avatar

I am a straight guy who is totally hot for @jjmah. For what it’s worth

MacBean's avatar

You’re attracted to who you’re attracted to. There’s nothing wrong with that. The only thing I think would make it ‘wrong’ is if you were to actively pursue them after they’ve indicated they’re not interested in giving it a try. Looking and wishing are not crimes.

dpworkin's avatar

You don’t consciously choose to whom you are attracted. I’m sure I have been attracted to lesbians without knowing it. I can’t imagine what would be wrong with your finding yourself to straight women.

Jude's avatar

I do have a few token boy crushes. @Grisaille would be one ;-).

Blackberry's avatar

You can be attracted to anyone, you then just have to figure out if they are gay or straight.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Attraction is attraction.Whether or not they feel it for you too is another story.I am attracted to “Quint” the boat captain from “Jaws”.I have a snowball’s chance in hell with him for he is dead .

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@CharlieGirl I understand now. I’ve experienced this both ways. There is nothing wrong with the attraction, but you really should respect the other persons orientation once it is made clear to you.

(possibly NSFW part) My late wife and I were in a three-way realtionship. Her fem lover was almost entirely oriented toward women. I respected that and sexual contact between the two of us was extremely limited, based entirely on what she tolerated. Following my wifes death, we remain close friends and business partners.

We have many gay friends; on rare occaisions I have been approached. I quietly and gently explain that, although I appreciate the compliment of his interest, my orientation doesn’t go that way. We’re still friends.

You can’t always tell what a persons orientation is when you first meet. The best you can do is handle things with sensitivity and discretion, graciously accepting if your orientations don’t match.

wilma's avatar

As a straight woman, would I know if another woman was attracted to me?
I have never had to actually turn a woman down, but there have been a few times when I wondered if they were “testing the waters”.

CharlieGirl's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land,it’s a good thing that I have never pushed my sex orientation onto anyone,or there would have been trouble.Thanks again for the response.very helpful to me! :)

downtide's avatar

As a bisexual man, I can verify that I am quite capable of being attracted to people who would have no interest in me whatsoever. :-D

CMaz's avatar

Those individuals that find attraction in the same sex, but they are heterosexual.

Do you find it has at times created an uncomfortable situation?
That vibe being picked up on.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@ChazMaz I can find another man to be physically attractive, but not in a sexual way. I can admire another mans physique (especially knowing the hard work that went into it) in the same way that certain “classically” attractive women don’t really appeal to me. Personal taste and orientation can get muddled up as well.

CMaz's avatar

Was not meaning “physically attraction”. But, more of wanting them. Then admiring them.

smokeweedeveryday's avatar

Are you Bi Sexual?

fireinthepriory's avatar

I always considered myself to be weird because I’m usually only attracted to gay women. All my lesbian friends are very jealous, most of them have crushed on women who’ll never want them, which is very frustrating. It’s natural to have crushes on straight people, even when you’re gay – after all, there are a lot of really hot, really nice straight people in the world. ;)

intimus's avatar

At the base of it all, attraction to anyone, no matter their orientation is 100% normal, natural, and okay. I’m gay myself and usually (as in like, 100% of the time) find myself attracted to straight men. On top of that, I have some straight friends (both men and women) who were (or are, not so sure anymore LOL) attracted to me.

Attraction is something that we shouldn’t be ashamed of, but it is something that we should respect in others, especially those who aren’t of the same inclination.

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