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wundayatta's avatar

Did you find yourself having no fun conversations with your spouse?

Asked by wundayatta (58599points) February 21st, 2010

What did you talk about, if it wasn’t anything fun? Did you do anything to try to change this? Did you give up? Did you still love your spouse, or had that disappeared along with the good converstaions?

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16 Answers

nicobanks's avatar

This is not my circumstance with my wife, but that doesn’t mean we never have boring / strained conversations. Sometimes you just have to force your way through it, even if it means small talk – who did you work with today? oh, the weather… I know, the idea of small talk with your wife (or husband)! But the thing is, keeping up small talk keeps us well-oiled and able to have the more important conversations when they arise. But really, most of the time our conversations are fun and good.

dpworkin's avatar

We mostly laugh. When we disagree about something meaningful we usually work it out fairly quickly by discussing it.

tinyfaery's avatar

I laugh with my wife every day. It just happens because we have a similar view of the world—one, big, meaningless farce. We both find joy in laughing at it.

We have our moments, but we know that neither of us would ever leave, so the rough times are easy to smooth over.

syz's avatar

Not at all – we crack each other up all the time. Oh, we have plenty of serious conversations, and we sometimes get in to a rut, but we have lots of fun together.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

While there are gaps in our life together where we seem a bit distant, but it is often due to one of the other of us struggling to keep our balance emotionally. We are very attuned to each other and support each other through those struggles.

For the most part we have fun talking and doing things together. We both know that a relationship takes constant effort from both parties to keep it healthy and vibrant.

My wife is good at taking the initiative to get us to steer our way back to each other. With my ADHD, I can get mired in an activity and fail to emerge to make contact with her.

She understands my defects and provides signals that cue me to shift gears.

I love her dearly and suffer a lot when we are apart long periods.
I’ve been away visiting my daughter and grandchildren but our talks on the phone have been fun and supportive – sometimes better than our talks when we both are home.

pearls's avatar

I figure NO conversations with my “former” spouse fun.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

No, it hasn’t happened. I wouldn’t be in a marriage like that.

john65pennington's avatar

After being married to my wife for 44 years, we still have a ball laughing and having fun together. we raised our two chiden and two granddaughters. i made a promise to my wife that after all the kids were gone, that we would once again have our fun times together. this has become a reality. wife and i laugh and joke with each other all the time. my wife loves to pull pranks on me and after all this time, she has become a master at it. its really amazing that two people can still be in love with each other, after all the crap we have been through in our lives together. thank goodnes the good times have always outweighed the bad times. this is what a healthy, strong marriage is all about. we have been blessed to be together this long and we know it. we are still crazy after all these years. maybe, this is what it takes to hold a marriage together. a little craziness.

YARNLADY's avatar

Just today, my husband of 35 years read the comic pages before I got to them, and shared his favorites. We laughed ourselves silly. We watch Jay Leno every night (Monday night “headlines” our favorite) and practically fall on the floor laughing. We have a similar sense of humor.

One thing we also enjoy is watching the videos of our grandsons playing. We can sit for a half hour or so and just laugh through it all.

john65pennington's avatar

Yarnlady, you too have been blessed with a healthy marriage and a husband that apparently loves you immensley. good for you two. john

Tenpinmaster's avatar

When I was with my ex I realized quickly that we had hardly anything in common.. it made for very quick or non existent conversations. Mentally I was on a completely different planet then her and we really didn’t have any chemistry. I would talk about world events and she wouldn’t have any clue on what i was talking about… or some shows that interested me she hated and I didn’t like anything that she liked to watch. Our music tastes were so different and our temperaments were completely opposite.

Sophief's avatar

We always have plenty to say to each other, and are always laughing, talking and having fun. I love him very much, he is my soul mate, and soul mates don’t run out of conversation.

john65pennington's avatar

Dibley. good answer and correct. glad you and your boyfriend are truly happy. remember, when the fun goes, so goes the marriage.

OpryLeigh's avatar

My partner and I have far more fun, happy, joyful (insert positive words here) discussions than we do strained or boring ones. We have plenty of serious conversations but they are more about our views on world issues, politics etc than “where is our relationship going?” I am pleased to say that we have never run out of things to say to each other and so our conversations are never forced or strained. I have known plenty of couples who, over the years, seem to have run out of things to say to each other and it doesn’t seem like a fun situation to be in. In fact, it seems very sad, like they are just going through the motions to get through the day.

YARNLADY's avatar

@john65pennington not necessarily; some marriages last to the very end, without an ounce of fun in them – my in-laws are an example of that.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

A lot recently. It goes like this, “I love you but can’t go any farther with you. Please get clean again. Everything that is acted out and reacted to we have hurt and guilt about has revolved around using.” There are tears, aching and missing along with text messages of, “I love you” and “I love you too” but now we know we’re just playing for time until real work gets undertaken.

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