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Draconess25's avatar

How should I tell my best friend I have feelings for her?

Asked by Draconess25 (4448points) March 10th, 2010

I’m pansexual, & my best friend is bi-curious. We’re both girls, & I dunno how to tell her I have feelings for her….

She’s only ever been in one relationship (& it was a guy), & I don’t think she’s really sure of her sexuality. She has a short attention span & a tendency to overreact.

Also, I like our other best friend (also female, & bi), & I told this friend how I felt. She didn’t really say anything. I don’t want to choose between them, & I’m not sure if they’ll still accept me.


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19 Answers

john65pennington's avatar

Whats a pansexual? i need to be educated.

Violet's avatar

She doesn’t seem like a good person to be in a relationship with.
Let’s say you tell her how you feel, and she wants to be in a relationship with you. You said she overreacts, so what if you don’t call her back when you say she will? You’re going to have to put up with someone who sounds really immature. Are you sure that’s what you want?

plethora's avatar

@Violet What’s pansexual?

Violet's avatar

Pansexual- someone who is attracted to other people irregardless of their gender or sexual orientation.

davidbetterman's avatar

Take her to a lesbian bar. Take her to a movie which features lesbian lovers…and put your arm around her shoulder and gently caress her breast and then…and then…

Draconess25's avatar

@Violet She is immature. So am I. That’s why we get along, cause no one else (except the other girl) can really deal with us….

Violet's avatar

@Draconess25 I’m sorry, but it sounds like a recipe for disaster. I think you should not risk your friendship.

Draconess25's avatar

@Violet Maybe you’re right….& I don’t wanna screw with her head or anything. Maybe I might have a chance with the other girl…...

Haleth's avatar

It’s hard to meet girls, but it’s worth waiting so you can date someone who has their head on straight. If there’s one available to you, you should get involved in a group like your school’s gay straight alliance or a local chapter of SMYAL (sexual minority youth assistance league.) You’ll meet other people your age of all different orientations. If you can bring your friends along, it will give you a way to broach the subject of being interested in girls. Sometimes there are good discussions about topics like dating someone of the same sex for the first time.

If these two girls are your closest friends, it sounds like part of the reason for your feelings is that you know them best and think you have the best chance of dating them. But deep down, what you might really be looking for is just a chance to explore a relationship with a girl in general, not these two specifically. If you get out there and meet some new people, you might find someone that you’re sure is right for you.

Draconess25's avatar

@Haleth I would, but if my relatives catch on, I’m screwed (no pun intended). Most of my family are diehard Christians. My mom’s just homophobic, racist, the whole package….

LKidKyle1985's avatar

you just need to seduce her somehow, I don’t know if straight up telling her will work out. I don’t think ive ever heard of someone confessing their feelings to a chick and then her being like oh yeah me too!

thriftymaid's avatar

You sound confused yourself.

plethora's avatar

@Violet I think you are right on.

YARNLADY's avatar

Consider your goal – and consider how you can best achieve that goal.

Violet's avatar

@plethora thank you darling : )

plethora's avatar

@Violet LOL….you are very welcome Baby. Always words of wisdom from you…:)

Just_some_guy's avatar

If you are sure she is bi-curious then I don’t see a problem letting her know you are interested. For a while I became good friends with two gay men. They were cool people. They were best friends to each other. Turns out they both liked me. More than friendship. I never really even thought of things that way tho. When they made it known to me I pretty much never talked to them again. I feel I made a mistake they were good friends to me. One of them died a few days ago. So, my chance to reconcile is over with him.
Back to your question. If she isn’t against girls seeing each other. Let it known, but don’t go overboard. Just make it known you are interested when the opportunity arises. There is still the risk of pushing her away.

Draconess25's avatar

@thriftymaid I am very confused!

polinsteve's avatar

The answer, if not the action is simple.

Be true to yourself, do not hide behind convention. Choose an appropriate time and place and tell your friends how you feel, how you would like your relationship to develop and how you would like to continue if their feelings are not reciprocated.

If they react badly what have you lost? If they can’t respect you as the lady you wish to be, are they really friends. If the reaction is positive new doors are opened. Hide your feelings and I can say quite categorically that you will never be really happy.

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