General Question

escapedone7's avatar

How do I stop being a hypocrite?

Asked by escapedone7 (5920points) March 11th, 2010

I hate haters. I hate hate. I do. Whenever someone enters a discussion with hate speech, attacks on others, I then get upset and start acting the same way toward them! For example some people hate people of a certain race. I hate racists. Some people hate gays. I hate gay-bashers. So in essence I am hating on people for hating on people. I am a hater of haters. This is obviously hypocritical but I don’t know how to stop, because the behaviors of name calling and bullying upset me so much that I sometimes do it back… at the hater. This is causing extreme cognitive dissonance and I am now in distress. By being a hater of haters, I become a hater too. Thus I become what I hate! This isn’t a joke question. How do I stop being a hater of haters?

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26 Answers

kevbo's avatar

Pity them.

Arp's avatar

I hate this question :P

Really, we are all hypocrites, I don’t think there is much we can do about it except love each other.

CMaz's avatar

Count to three.

BoBo1946's avatar

join the crowd…there is a “little” hypocrisy in all of us! Besides, it does not hurt!

CMaz's avatar

@BoBo1946 – Not me! ;-)

Some people just can’t handle the truth.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Find the joke. Laugh at it. Repeat as necessary.

Aethelwine's avatar

I agree with @CyanoticWasp. Anger always loses. If it is someone online that you are angry with, type it all out then delete it. This is what I do. unless I’ve had a few drinks, then I let it all out

marinelife's avatar

Hate the behavior not the person.

escapedone7's avatar

@marinelife That is a brilliant solution!

iphigeneia's avatar

Don’t hate haters, hate hate.

escapedone7's avatar

@Iphigeneia great answer. I will change targets.

BoBo1946's avatar

@ChazMaz lol..well, there are always exceptions to the rule!

Your_Majesty's avatar

Ignore them. It’s their own business. You can’t interfere other people’s right.

escapedone7's avatar

@doctor_d Perhaps subconsciously my mind has not accepted that rampant hate is a right. Otherwise I would feel it is my right to hate them back, and would hate at will with no dissonance or guilt. If I could accept that we all have a right to hate all we want and there’s not a problem with that, I could hate haters without the cognitive dissonance. That is not the case. I am deeply disturbed. I will try to ignore them, but to see hatred as a right might take some reprogramming or conditioning or something. Perhaps desensitization, or some other therapeutic intervention is in order. I think it would be simpler to redirect the target to something inanimate (hate itself) rather than a person with feelings. That solves the immediate problem of doing less harm. But the emotion of hate still causes discomfort, guilt, and cognitive dissonance. Doc do you have a couch handy?

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@escapedone7 “hate” is a right, of course. And you’re as free to hate as anyone. If you want to stop doing it then you just have to… um… stop. The suggestion to “hate the hate” at least redirects it from “people” to “an attitude”, but it still has you “hating”.

You really need to accept the fact that you can’t really change how other people think or act. You can debate them, as we do here all the time, and you can try to improve your own thinking and attitude, but people have to change on their own.

On the other hand, you could kill them (with or without emotion—early Christians said that they used to do it with love, but I don’t think I would have bought that argument even then, and I surely won’t buy it now). Of course, that presents a new set of problems.

escapedone7's avatar

@cyanoticwasp are you referring to the phrase “kill them with kindness” or actually killing? Obviously if the emotion of hate has me in a guilt trip I don’t think I would be capable of actually killing anyone without entering a guilt trip of no return. shiver

Ok I will let the haters hate. Maybe I should hug haters. Maybe they need love. I should hug a hater today.

davidbetterman's avatar

How do I stop being a hypocrite?

Walk the walk; talk the talk

Cruiser's avatar

Haters want to be hated. So if you really want to piss them off ignore them.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

@escapedone7 I was being literal, though tongue-in-cheek.

iphigeneia's avatar

Try thinking of it as a “the only thing we have to hate is hate itself” thing. I also just remembered that it is most important to follow through by controlling your behaviour and leading by example. Focus on being kind and calm instead, and well done on recognising how we all can be hypocritical from time to time.

CharlieGirl's avatar

You can’t stop from being a hypocrite.Everyone is one.The only way to stop it would be to let yourself go and be at peace with everything and life,and that could get you hurt in this world if you lead the path of least resistence.This is my opinion from my experience,ok?

galileogirl's avatar

Just be honest. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Actually honesty is the easy choice because you don’t have to remember what you said and to whom you said it. The reason people might not choose honesty is there seems to be a need for validation from others.

When you challenge people, especially those who realize their attitudes are questionable. you may find they will attack. The more unsure they are, the more over-the-top the response. It is a matter of not being able to sustain a tenable position logically so go to emotional outbursts, accusations of “hating” and namecalling.

So hypocracy comes from fear of confrontation, a real personal weakness. That said, I’m ready for the hypocrites.

faye's avatar

I agree intellectually with @kevbo but I wouldn’t be able to do it. I think we should “hate the haters” or deplore them, despise them, etc. As a society we have swung the pendulum way too far in acceptance of these people and groups. Like th KKK should be shunned.

thriftymaid's avatar

Dont’ be a fruitcake. Live the way you know you should.

YARNLADY's avatar

Every one of us struggles against our animal nature in our quest to become as human as we can be. There is nothing hypocritical about that. Labels like hypocritical, and hate, are nothing more than trying to explain the struggle. They have no meaning of their own.

paramour's avatar

hypocrisy is essential to survival. just think of how much you’d die inside if you started forcing yourself to like stuff you just hate. boo. :P

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