General Question

pnkmnkygrl's avatar

Is this a good way to show my best friend what she means to me?

Asked by pnkmnkygrl (36points) March 23rd, 2010

My best friend is amazing. I can talk to her about anything. And she knows me better than anyone. But I feel like she should know more. More about my past. I decided to write a note telling about every big event in my life. All the way up to now explaining what she means to me and how much I love her. But I’m not sure if it’s the best way to tell her… What do you think?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

21 Answers

Likeradar's avatar

That seems… intense. Like, frighteningly intense.
How long have you been friends? How old are you?
Why not just let these stories about your past unfold naturally?

wundayatta's avatar

How long have you known her? Have you discussed these things before?

No one can really answer your question without understanding the qualities of you relationship. To me, this sounds like you are reaching out for help, not showing your best friend how much you love her. It feels like you are asking something of her.

You think she should know more. But have you checked in with her about her feelings? I think you are getting a little too involved with your fantasies about her. I don’t think this is a good idea at all. Do as @Likeradar said. Be cool. Let it unfold naturally. If you want her to know how much she means to you, say it with a card—no more than two paragraphs; preferably one.

njnyjobs's avatar

I would probably keep things from the past from her unless she specifically inquires about them. I’d rather focus on the now and the future. What you might think is an OK story may not be for your friend.

dpworkin's avatar

In my opinion, quiet, natural conversation over time is the best way to accomplish what you are trying to do.

Take it easy, go slow, be natural, and talk, talk, talk.

anartist's avatar

1. she is unlikely to want all that information
2. she will possess not only the information but documentary proof which could be awkward if your friendship ends
3, it is a bad habit to be so indiscreet
4. an even worse habit to commit indescretions to print

Trillian's avatar

Wow. All of it? Everything? Is that really necessary? Are there things that may change her opinion of you that you feel she should know and then re-evaluate the friendship?

phil196662's avatar

I would not tell her all that stuff, just enjoy each other and when you take trip that reflects to one of those experiences then tell it at that time. You don’t want to mess up a good thing right now!

PacificToast's avatar

Don’t tell all, the past is behind. Let this stuff unfold naturally. Might I say that you sound slightly desperate?

Trillian's avatar

Maybe you could buy her some flowers, or a pretty coffee cup.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I was married for over 20 years in a generally good marriage, and there were aspects of our lives “before each other” that my wife and I didn’t know about.

This is oversharing; not many people would want to know this much about you. A biographer, maybe.

shadling21's avatar

I understand that you want her to know this stuff, but this doesn’t seem like the right way to do it. For one, she’d read your stories out of obligation rather than interest, and if she doesn’t read them, then you’ll be hurt.

This seems important to you. You can show her that you want to share your past with her in another way. Give her a significant object from your past, explain what makes it special, and tell her that you want her to keep it safe. Or treat her to coffee and say that you want to give her a little rundown of your life to date. Be sure to mention her as you get to the present-day – show her that she’s improved your way of life by contrasting the present with the past.

Your efforts aren’t wasted, though. The stories you wrote down could become your auto-biography or memoir. And it will help you when you do finally tell her these stories, even if you never get the chance to sit down and tell them all at once.

thriftymaid's avatar

I don’t understand your need for a plan. If you talk to her all of the time, tell her about yourself. How old are you?

prolificus's avatar

All of the advice given thus far sounds wise. I think it’s important to ask yourself how will you feel once this information is “out there.” It’s one thing to tell strangers anonymously on the Internet. It’s another thing to share with your best friend whom you’ve known for more than, say, 3–6 months. There are good and not-so-good consequences to sharing your past with anyone—it will affect their perception of you.

If this is the first time sharing your past with someone you trust, maybe it would be good to share it with a counselor so that it doesn’t feel so fresh and heavy for you.

The urgency to share your past makes it sound like it is something hard for you and that you need support. This is a good thing! Just be careful to share it with someone you know can handle hearing your heavy stuff.

Jeruba's avatar

Always think hard about actions that are (a) significant and (b) irreversible. If you don’t do this, you can always do it later. If you do, you can’t undo it.

Your question shows that you do not feel confident that this is the right path to take. Go with that instinct, the one that says “Wait—don’t do this.” It’s steering you right.

KhiaKarma's avatar

It sounds like you are really looking to show her that you trust her and you feel really strongly about wanting to connect with her. It could be overwhelming for her, though—depending on the situation.

I agree with the above statements that it sounds like it would be more for your needs (rather than the desire to show your friend what she means to you) and do you really want everything documented on paper?

Some mystery and unknows can be intriguing and will help you grow closer if parts of you are disclosed properly….over time-as fitting for the situation.

jazmina88's avatar

enjoy the moment…...dont get too strong or intense… gotta know when to hold em as the song goes…..Chillax.

Listen to her stories….....

excellent idea on the autobiography….

JeffVader's avatar

Er, no, I really wouldn’t do that if I were you…. people aren’t used to, or expecting people to suddenly offload every little detail of themselves. I think it would make your friend feel very uncomfortable, & quite probably drive a little wedge between the two of you. If you really feel your friend needs to know everything do it organically…. as in, in conversation, over time.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Dear pnkmnkygrl, Surely it was therapeutic to write the note. There are experiences from your past that you want to work through, and the best way to do so is to seek professional help.

slopolk's avatar

Sounds like you haven’t known her for very long, and its probably best if you talk about your past as it applies to the conversation that your having. That way you won’t come off over too pushy or overbearing. If your best friend is so great then you have plenty of time to get to know her and her you. Best friends are around for ever they don’t just come and go as other people do.

kritiper's avatar

Honesty is always the best policy, but in your instance, I might suggest another POV: Some things are better left unsaid. If anybody does any talking, (I repeat: TALKING) not letter writing, let it begin with her. If you open your mouth and let your feelings out she may think you’ve flipped and may never speak to you again, or may never feel comfortable around you again.
“The better part of valor is discretion.” -Shakespere’s “1 Henry 1V.,” v.4 121

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther