Social Question

Sophief's avatar

How often does your s/o go out without you, if ever?

Asked by Sophief (6676points) March 26th, 2010

I was just thinking, being paranoid and insecure myself, what it would feel like to have my s/o go out all the time.

I know a lot of couples probably like to go out seperately at weekends, and maybe meet up later. Luckily I don’t have this problem, and I think my mind would definitely go into overdrive if I did.

What do you and your partner when you socialise?
Do you go out together, or apart?

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57 Answers

dpworkin's avatar

All the time. She has a lot of friends and a very active social life. Reflects well on her, don’t you think?

Sophief's avatar

@dpworkin How would I know?

aprilsimnel's avatar

My last S/O and I (we didn’t live together, BTW), probably socialised 70/30. That is to say, 70% of the time, we’d go out somewhere together. The movies, a party given by friends, out to dinner, bowling, etc. But then we also had our separate friends that we’d go hang out with on our own.

I had one bf in the past who hardly had any friends of his own and he always wanted to hang out together. A GNO is no fun if your bf wants to tag along. :/

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I go out without my s/o often.I have other friends.Male and female that I go out with.

drClaw's avatar

We go out all the time, but we also spend time with friends on our own. I have been in a lot of relationships where they had their friends and I had mine, but when I met my wife something weird happened and our friends merged and now we have our own little tribe.

erichw1504's avatar

Rarely, we tend to stick together. We don’t have a ton of friends and keep to ourself most of the time. Especially since we are away from our friends and family that we grew up with. Next year when we move back we will probably be a lot more social.

dpworkin's avatar

Well, you would know because someone who attracts so many friends is likely to be quite an interesting person.

Sophief's avatar

@drClaw That’s cute.

@dpworkin Well I must pretty boring then, but hey, I don’t care.

Sophief's avatar

@erichw1504 That’s sweet, I like to just stick together with my s/o also.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

She’s an adult. She can go out without me and I feel like I’m mature enough to be able to handle that. Clingy is creepy,

casheroo's avatar

I honestly don’t know. He works a lot, and does get a break in between work. I believe he has lunch with friends during that time, but it’s rare that he tells me (which honestly, does bother me since I don’t like not sharing things with each other).
I’m pretty much never without my children, so if I do go out with friends, my children are with me..not like I’m up to no good.
Prior to the newborn, I would go out at least once a month to play quizzo or hang out at the local bar with friends, but I was big and pregnant so it’s not like I was drinking lol.
It’s hard going out when you have children, especially going out alone with friends…usually since we rarely get a sitter, we want to spend any time we get together.

JeffVader's avatar

My last girlfriend is an incredibly sociable person, always out & about & doing things. That didn’t really bother me, just that we never seemed to do much together…. at least not much I’m prepared to talk about :)
The one before that was a much more serious relationship. She was a very busy person, although not with social stuff. I could never quite get my head round her as when we were together it was like the rest of the world didn’t exist…. we both were late for work, & missed social occasions etc just because nothing else seemed to matter at the time. Then she’d turn up 2hrs late for a date saying things had taken longer than expected, no real explanation. I’d be abit pissed off but she knew how to get round me. & I did feel very jealous about things with her. I tried not to let it show but I know it did, as every now’n’then as she’d tease me about it.

Sophief's avatar

@casheroo Your last line is really cute. It’s important to spend what time you have free with you s/o.

Sophief's avatar

@JeffVader That’s nice. My boyfriend and I are very very anti social. We like our home comforts really. Though I do qet quite jealous, like you said. But then I guess if there weren’t any jealousy, you wouldn’t be really all that bothered about your partner.

majorrich's avatar

My wife often goes shopping with her friends and does other things that I would find no interest or find way too tedious.

wonderingwhy's avatar

We frequently go out separately when we have no mutual plans, no issue. If I’m not up for it, I’d rather stay home and let her have fun rather than drag on the evening. If either of us is going to be out particularly late or until the next day we’ll call or text to give a heads up or if plans change and we think they’ll be interested we’ll let the other know, since it’s usually pretty easy to run and meet somewhere. A lot of times one will stay home if the other isn’t interested, but that’s out of preference not a sense of necessity. Trust is a wonderful thing!

JeffVader's avatar

@Dibley Some couples just work better that way I think. Although I do also think it’s important to do stuff with others, even if you dont really fancy it. Makes you appreciate your time together even more.

tedibear's avatar

It’s very rare for him to go out without me. Once or twice a year to golf, one post-work bar trip every couple of years, Deer hunting for a week every year. Although I guess that last one isn’t really going out. I’m more likely to go out without him. A weekend at my bff’s house a couple of times a year. Dinner with a girlfriend two or three times a year. Those times when he’s out, I don’t worry about it.

Cruiser's avatar

She and I go our separate ways as often as we go out together. That’s the only way it should be. No biggie really!

Judi's avatar

He’s my best friend! Also, he’s more outgoing than I am. I don’t do small talk well. If it weren’t for him I probably wouldn’t have a social life!

tinyfaery's avatar

My wife goes out about 1–2 times a week without me and I’m glad she does. I really like my alone time and she is much more social than I. I hardly ever go out without her. The last time I did something without her was a work function.

Sophief's avatar

@Judi How cute. My s/o is my best friend also.

@tinyfaery We all need time to ourselves, it’s nice that you want to spend your time with her also.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

He does often because we work different schedules, he has children from a marriage and also has parents in our city. We’ve talked about it because he’s had to re evaluate acquaintances from friends and from those, the positive from the ones with bad habits. We pretty much live together and are planning to move into a new place together, wanting to meet new friends, couples too. This will be new for us but we’re excited more than paranoid.

Sophief's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Thanks for your answer.

Jude's avatar

My girlfriend and I don’t live together, so, we usually get together once or twice during the week to go for coffee/a drink/a beach walk or just to snuggle on the couch. On the weekends, we’re out both nights, or one night. Lately, on Fridays we’ve stuck around home, made dinner and had a few drinks whilst listening to our own Blondsjon’s RandomAss Radio show. Always a good time. Now that the weather is nice, we’ll be out/away most weekends.

When we go out it’s usually to check out some live music, drinks, dinner and dancing with friends.

Sophief's avatar

@jjmah Thanks for that. How long have you both been together?

Jude's avatar

@Dibley Almost 2 years. :)

Sophief's avatar

@jjmah Are you planning on living together?

Jude's avatar

@Dibley In about a year.

Jude's avatar

We live 10 minutes away.

I do like having my space, though. :)

Sophief's avatar

@jjmah Oh, I got the impression it was a bigger distance than that. As long as you are both happy then that is the main thing, but, you don’t need me to tell you that.

Just_Justine's avatar

I had a relationship once for eight years, where we didn’t socialize very much at all. In the beginning it was cool, as we enjoyed each other so much we didn’t want to be bothered with other people infringing on our lives. But in the end looking back, our circle got smaller and smaller, we got more and more jealous of other people entering our “sphere” and it became unhealthy. My partner at the time found a new job, and met someone there (during working hours). So our eight year relationship ended very badly.

I used to be a jealous person but my partner was almost psychotically jealous so it was odd it was her that had the affair.

I learned a lot about relationships from that and thank goodness I have freedom from jealousy totally. I do get “normal” twinges of it! of course. But currently I am dating a man whom I have known ten years, I’ve been seeing him 2 years. We have our own lives, for reasons to large to explain, and I never ask where he is, nor he I. He has great loyalty traits, trustworthy and mature. I hope I am too! In fact I would even consider sharing a person, but that is another whole long story. I think the more you open yourself to love, the more it grows. But I wont go there now!

cazzie's avatar

He has always gone out without me. Someone has to stay home and look after the kids. Before we had our ‘one’, I was looking after his ‘one’ from a previous relationship. So, he travels for a job and is away… probably 70% of the time, were he does go out, obviously, without me. When he is home, he goes to parties at his friends and concerts and I stay home with kid or kids. Perhaps 2 or three times a year, I get to go see a movie on my own.
Oh… and we go out together… once every three years or so….

Exhausted's avatar

I don’t have a problem going out by myself, without my husband. He says he doesn’t either, but if I go out alone, he texts me several times and I can tell he misses me. He doesn’t get upset about me going or doesn’t complain that I do though. I sometimes wish he WOULD go out and do something without me though…..LOL.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

It’s kind of hard for her to go out when she’s chained up in the basement.

phillis's avatar

My husband is free to go with whomever at any time. In fact, I’ve offered to drive him and pick him up. He can drink all he wants as long as he stays within the budget we set, but he cannot drive. That’s the rule.

I find it curious that you are comfortable picturing your S/O going out through the eyes of a paranoid, insecure person (sounds different when someone else calls you that, huh)?

Why not practice viewing it through the eyes of a strong, secure woman? Perspective is everything :)

Draconess25's avatar

Me & my girlfriends hardly see each other all day, but this is their first relationship ever, so I’m not worrying.

phillis's avatar

@Draconess25 Aw, how sweet! A harem :)

janbb's avatar

We each go out separately several times a month as we have very different interests. On the weekends, we usually go out together but not always. He is going to go on a two week sailling vacation with friends in a few weeks and I am delighted to not be going.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Once a week he goes out without me – same night as I go out without him. Any other night, if we go out, it’s together.

josephnc1975's avatar

Very rarely. We usually want to be together wherever we go. But if he wanted to, that would be fine with me.

phil196662's avatar

The wife and I have many friends combined, she will go out and have girl time and I will go and have guy time. Sometimes it accidentally happens at the same place and her gf’s will peek and spy on us being guys!

I will get home and she will ask me if I had a good time knowing I know that she peeked (I saw her car outside) only for me to tell her we did some racy stiff just to mess with her- Only thing it gets her crazy in a loving way…

But we often get together with friends and share stories and food just for everyone to be a group, separate time is kind of rare

downtide's avatar

My partner and I go out seperately more often than we go together. We both have our own interests that the other isn’t really into. It means that when we do go out together it’s that bit more special.

Draconess25's avatar

@phillis If having 2 girlfriends is a harem, then what do you think of Muslims?

phillis's avatar

@Draconess25 I ain’t touching that question! Sorry! Nothing I say has any hope of anything good coming from it :)

Jack79's avatar

Never, but I wouldn’t mind if it was around 1/week on average.

My sister is out with her friends tonight, leaving her husband with the kids. It’s the first time she’s done that this year, and I find it very healthy. He’s also left her with the kids twice this year to come and see me, and they’ve both left either me or one of the grandparents babysit on at least 10 occasions in this time, so that they could go out together.

I think that everyone needs some time on their own every now and then, or to meet people other than the person they see everyday. As long as it’s within reasonable limits, it’s more good than bad.

Violet's avatar

Maybe 2–4 times a week. There are things he does that I’m not interested in.. like golf. Neither of us go out and party, or go to bars.
We do sometimes go over to his friends’ houses, and we’ll all hang out.

Sophief's avatar

@phillis Yes, does seem strange. I do ask some questions which freak me out a little.

phillis's avatar

@Dibley That’s my girl! Have a look at it. Understanding why this is, isn’t going to do anything but improve your life. I will be beside you the entire time, if that’s what you want.

Sophief's avatar

@phillis I am the most insecure person, or at least I think I am, and sometimes I feel like it will destroy me. Right now is one of those times.

deni's avatar

My boyfriend is by far my best friend. I don’t usually have the desire to go places without him, and since I don’t see him much during the week except for an hour or two at night, I don’t see that as a problem and I don’t think either of us are too “clingy”. The only thing is that since he’s 25 and I’m 20, if he wants to go to a bar with friends I obviously can’t come, but I love all of his friends so much now, they’re just all great people, that it has no reason to bother me. And they’ve all been super understanding of the fact that if we’re meeting them some night and they’re at a bar, they’re going to have to leave if he is bringing me, lol. I don’t need to be around him all the time, but usually having one another around only improves whatever we’re doing :) and if we’re at a dinner party or whatever where there is a large group of people, we rarely even see each other. I don’t see a need to sit and talk to him all night when there are a ton of other interesting people I could be talking to that I don’t see every day.

This being said, we might not spend as much time together if I hadn’t just moved to a new place. We’re pretty much always hanging out with only his friends, because I don’t really have any here. Either way it doesn’t bother me, it only might if his friends were assholes or boring.

Just_Justine's avatar

@deni see I have a problem with a SO being a best friend. I mean its great having an SO as a best friend but not the only friend, or only best friend one has. It’s almost like making a partner a one stop shop one size fits all. Pretty exhausting for the person I would say. I am addressing this to you but it is a general comment.

deni's avatar

@Just_Justine i agree, i think its usually not a good thing when a couple are each others best/only friends. you gotta be a little sociall

Sophief's avatar

@deni Why can’t you go in a bar?

deni's avatar

@Dibley you have to be 21 here in the states :|

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