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bitter_sweet_rose's avatar

My boyfriend won't stop cutting himself, help please?

Asked by bitter_sweet_rose (115points) April 1st, 2010

Ok so my boyfriend and I have really screwed up pasts. I think that’s why it’s so easy to relate to one another. Anyway he told me he use to cut himself and that hes on antidepressants. He said he was going to stop cutting because it hurts everyone involved. I agreed with him naturally. And had no reason to dought him,Until today. My friend said she saw him cutting himself at lunch, she tried to take the razors away but he wouldn’t let her. That’s when she came and told me. I was so upset that he was hurting himself, and the worst part was, later I found out he yelled at my friend when he heard she told me. Because he wasn’t going to tell me at all. I didn’t talk to him until the end of the day because I really didn’t know what to say.
Later on the bus he text me and said he was just mad at his friend and he couldn’t take it anymore. Then, when my friend (Sam) told me he got pissed. I asked him not to cut again because it killed me when I heard. He told me he’d do anything for me. But I still couldn’t forgive him yet. I don’t know I felt like there was something else I didn’t know.
I got on myspace later and saw his status it said “I ****** up so badly. I wish I wasn’t here anymore. If anything happens to them i’d cry. If anything hurts them, I’d die.” This caused alarm for everyone. I checked Facebook,Myspace then I text him. When he didn’t answer I was wrried. Later he answered, his phone was off.. I’m still worried about him though, what can I do? Thanks.

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30 Answers

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Rarebear's avatar

Call 911.

mrrich724's avatar

Get him baker-acted. Seriously.

augustlan's avatar

How old are you all? If he’s a minor, tell his parents.

rahm_sahriv's avatar

It is unfair of you to tell him cutting himself kills you. It is also unfair of him to txt you basically saying he is going to end it. Both are unhealthy behaviours. You cannot stop your boyfriend from cutting himself. He needs some psychiatric help in dealing with this. You should ask him to seek help from a professional. Maybe, if your past is bad too like you said, perhaps you might want to get some help too. Not saying this to be mean, I see a shrink myself and it has helped.

KhiaKarma's avatar

Do you know his parents? He needs to talk to someone. It’s scary but he needs support and it sounds like he’s reaching out for help. He may not be trying to kill himself, but cutting can be dangerous and accidental death is possible. There are counselors or other trusted adults who can help him. It is a sign of sterngth to ask for help when you need it.

rahm_sahriv's avatar

I would avoid getting him blue-papered unless he cuts himself badly or attempts suicide. I know if anyone tried to have me committed, there would be a fight and it would be something I might forgive, but it would destroy any trust I had for a person. However, if he is cutting himself deeply or in risky spots (it is all risky, honestly- if you don’t hurt yourself with the actual cutting, there is always the possibility of infection) or threatens suicide, he needs help and 911 should be called if you can’t convince him that he should voluntarily commit himself.

Rarebear's avatar

Seriously. Call 911. This isn’t something to mess around with. You shouldn’t be in the middle of this.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

You could leave. If it’s you or the cutting, you’ll find out real quick which one of those holds the power in your relationship.

People with fucked up pasts due to addiction do not make for stable couples.

rahm_sahriv's avatar

@Captain_Fantasy – It isn’t that easy. It would be nice if someone with a disorder could just stop something because it inconvenienced them.

I would love to stop the panic attacks. A person walking away from me or threatening to walk away from me is not going to stop the panic attacks. Same goes for cutting.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

You two should hang out and watch the Intervention series on DVD or the computer. There’s nothing like watching the sadness and waste from destruction that people who really do love each other go through because they don’t get help sooner than later.

dpworkin's avatar

Until they get good therapeutic assistance, cutters really sometimes need to cut. The good news is that there is a substitute that really can work: Using a thick rubber band to snap hard against the skin. It hurts, it relieves the tension, it causes the same kind of adrenaline and cortisol flow, etc. but it doesn’t leave a wound or a scar, and it can help manage things until help can be arranged (which should happen as soon as possible.)

Ludy's avatar

Help: break up w/ him.

cak's avatar

Whatever you do, don’t add to his pain or guilt. Whatever is in his past or present that is driving this cannot be fixed with harsh words or threats of what it will do to you.

@dpworkin is pointing this is the right direction. It really takes therapeutic help. There are different things to do – the substitution is necessary for a lot of cutters. Including my daughter. We found she was cutting after the doctors started saying there was nothing left to do for me. I’d move a mountain to take away her pain, but I can’t. So, instead, we have enlisted the best help possible and take it day, by day.

It’s not something to take lightly and you cannot fix him. If you care enough about him, you will tell someone that can help him.

Ludy's avatar

But you don’t have to suffer too, it’s not your fault.

Parrappa's avatar

Tell him to stop being a pussy and man up about his problems. Call me ignorant but I don’t have much sympathy for people who physically inflict pain on themselves as a way of dealing with their problems, it just doesn’t make much sense to me.

charliecompany34's avatar

there is an attention deficit here. didnt read details but aint no where in the world i’d be cutting myself.

dpworkin's avatar

@Parrappa Ignorant seems to fit quite well.

Parrappa's avatar

@dpworkin, only ignorant because never once has anyone explained why cutting actually solves any problems, except to cause more harm then good and leave permanent scars to remind people of how bad they have it.

cak's avatar

@Parrappa – Well, it’s not like they are exactly thinking clearly. In my daughter’s words, and I’d really appreciate you not saying anything bad about her situation, it was the only way she had any control. I’m dying. Things are crazy and she didn’t want to turn to anyone to burden them. For a teenager, it’s just too much.

People don’t ask for this, sometimes, it’s just too much for a person to handle. It’s not like she woke up one day and said, “HEY! WOOHOO!! Cutting sounds fun!” No, quite the opposite. It replaced her pain, if only for a moment. Thing is, it became like a drug, one cut wouldn’t do. So she continued. It builds.

They need help, not criticism.

Parrappa's avatar

I’m not disagreeing they need help and I’m not trying to be an asshole or be argumentative, believe me. Can’t you understand, from someone who has never had to deal with a situation such as this, that adding physical pain on top of emotional pain would only make things worse?

Anyway, excuse my poor attempt at trying to understand something I clearly do not have the capacity to grasp. Wasn’t trying to come off nasty or anything and I wish bitter sweet rose and all others in a similar situation the best of luck.

Blondesjon's avatar

out of respect for chris this post has been removed by me.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

The problem with trying to help someone who is spiraling downward is that they take others with them. If the person isn’t going to get help or help himself, it’s only going to get worse and any progress you’ve made to improve yourself is in jeopardy. If you can’t help him, you have to help yourself and sometimes that means cutting the weight dragging you down.

Rarebear's avatar

@Parrappa It’s a compulsion—a type of OCD. People with OCD really can’t stop the compulsions, they can only control them either through behavioral therapy or through medications. It sounds like, though, her boyfriend has far more destructive depressive symptoms going on, which is why I felt he needed professional help, stat. If she can’t get in touch with him, with all the danger signs he’s been posting, he’s at very high risk, which is why I suggested calling EMS.

cak's avatar

@Parrappa – You know, my husband pointed something out to me. When we first started dealing with this we were nothing short of dumbfounded. It’s totally different than anything we knew and it’s not something we ever thought we’d be dealing with. As a parent, it’s made me question so many things, things I thought I understood.

You made an honest comment and also one from someone that doesn’t know – thankfully, and doesn’t have to deal with this – or understand it. I hope it stays that way. I apologize for my tone. I’m not usually a complete snot, only a partial snot.

Pandora's avatar

@Parrappa I think its always difficult for reasonable people to understand people who do unreasonable things. Like I don’t understand people who feel they have to climb Mt. Everest or sail across an ocean all alone. I get it gives them a thrill, but you can probably get that same rush with really good sex, and the most injury you will suffer is a bad back. Its difficult to understand wanting to do anything that is potentially harmful or can cause death just for a quick high or relief of stress.
@bitter_sweet_rose Tell his parents. I’m more concerned about the possibilty of him committing suicide. Cutting is just a symptom. They need to be made aware that his condition has worsen. They can’t help him if they aren’t made aware. If he’s hiding it from you, you know he’s definetly hiding it from his parents.

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