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wundayatta's avatar

Do you hold yourself to a different standard than you hold others to?

Asked by wundayatta (58599points) April 9th, 2010

I let most people get away with stuff I would never let myself get away with. I might want someone else to do an excellent job, but if they make a mistake or screw it up, I figure that happens. It’s all right. We’ll try something else.

But when I make a mistake, I don’t give myself such leeway. I figure there is something seriously wrong with me to make such a mistake. I feel like I’ve let everyone down, and no one should forgive me. If they do try to forgive me, I wonder what kind of idiot are they?

I know this is not a very accurate view of myself, not is it particularly helpful to me. It’s just one more tool in the arsenal of “Kill Wundayatta” tools. It’s ridiculous, but it’s hard to ease off on the pressure I place myself in. Or under. I don’t know. But I should!

Do you expect different things of yourself than you expect of others? In what way? What, in your life, laid the groundwork for you to hold this double standard?

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27 Answers

MarcoNJ's avatar

Yes. When I walk the blocks of my city streets, I tell myself “You are the coolest mu’f*cka on the planet. Do NOT f*ck it up by tripping and falling over.” If someone else tripped, I would be amused for 2 seconds and keep it moving. But not me….hell no. Better not.

So yeah…

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It feels that way, I’m a lot harder on myself than others expect or allow of me.

nicobanks's avatar

No, that doesn’t describe me.

If anything, I go easier on myself – but I don’t do that on purpose. I mean, I don’t think I do this, although it’s more likely than going harder on myself than others.

Were you maybe held to a very high standard as a child? Thus you react by eschewing that kind of behaviour in your treatment of others, because it was hateful to you, but you can’t quite un-indoctrinate yourself about it in terms of yourself?

Berserker's avatar

Hmm…I don’t think so. Never thought much of it, and the Emo within wants to say fuck everyone and most of all fuck me, but there must be some point somewhere where standards are expected, whether they’re met or not.

I don’t expect much of anyone; not out of having a superiority complex, but you know, that whole thing, don’t do to others what you dun want em to do to you. I’m pretty immoral and selfish, so it’s not like I’d expect anyone to be any better than me when I don’t try to better myself to begin with.
It all seems confusing though, because such issues are like yelling selling out for whatever reason, and I don’t know what any of it means.

I don’t have any standards for myself that may differ from what I might expect from others, mainly because there’s nothing I think is important enough to use as comparison…as I say there must be something somewhere; but whatever may be translated as self expectations are probably something entirely different in my head, know what I mean, jellybean?

wonderingwhy's avatar

In general I hold myself to a higher standard than others and I don’t easily forgive either, though, I have to say, I don’t expect much of anything from most people. Close friends I hold to a “different” standard, but I’m also more forgiving of them. The primary exception is when others (non-friends) actions directly effect me, at that point I hold them much closer to the standard I hold myself and become even more critical. On the whole though I pretty much go by the “if you want something done right, do it yourself” rule, it saves a lot of wasted time and hurt feelings.

lloydbird's avatar

I absolutely hold myself to a higher standard of behaviour than I hold others to. And to a higher level of disappointment should I not meet my expectations of myself.
The reasons for this?.. I know no-one better than I know myself. I know my full history. I know all of the pressures that weigh upon me. I know all my secrets. I know all my aims.

With others, I can only approximate. And am therefore more forgiving of shortcomings.

davidbetterman's avatar

Yes. A higher standard for me.

OneMoreMinute's avatar

No I don’t play hardcore on myself or others. I had enough of that growing up. I’m pretty easy going. Both ways. I want others to be as happy as they can be, and ok with me being happy too.

I just include as many people, interests, places, hobbies that I find interesting. And I don’t get out much to experience rush hour or crowds of people or cigarette smoke! That helps a lot!

If you want Wunday, I could send you to my Lazy Princess Training Club for a week, and that should break you from all that shit you’ve been complaining about! LOL!

wundayatta's avatar

@OneMoreMinute Where do I sign up? Can I bring some friends?

OneMoreMinute's avatar

Absolutely No friends and No video cameras or recording instruments of any kind, until you have mastered the first level which you will be heavily duct taped until you have renounced all Shame and Blame. The next course gets easier in cutting through the ILLusion of Guilt, Remorse, Regret…
You are not allowed a Pity Party or any cigarettes!
Congradulations and Mango Shakes are served at Graduation.

Ill send you an application form! LOL!

Val123's avatar

@MarcoNJ LOL! It never occurred to me that the Cool Cats might actually be worried about tripping and stuff!

njnyjobs's avatar

Not me. . . I do what needs to be done, as I expect other people to their own things, what ever they may be.

MarcoNJ's avatar

@Val123 But of course…how else would we maintain the cool factor that the rest aspire to reach?

Silhouette's avatar

What comes easy and natural for me may not be so easy for someone else and vice – versa.

I also don’t spend a great deal of time over analyzing myself or others.

filmfann's avatar

I am very forgiving of other peoples mistakes, but I am an unforgiving bastard towards my own.

wundayatta's avatar

@OneMoreMinute Remember that time you brought out the mango shakes, and when you turned around, there were none left? That was me. And you know what? I don’t feel one bit of shame or guilt for drinking them all! :-)

OneMoreMinute's avatar

@wundayatta BRAVO!!! You Scored an A+ and while you were sucking down yours and everyone elses tropical delights, all the others were inhaling all the shrimp up before you ever knew what hit you!!!

wundayatta's avatar

@OneMoreMinute Do you think that if I hadn’t been allergic to shrimp, that anyone else would have had some? Do you?

OneMoreMinute's avatar

@wundayatta Well that’s right, you ate up all the Sushi. sorry, I’m getting all my Wundayaatas mixed up. That was the OTHER Wundy!

Ludy's avatar

You know, i could not expect less from a pro like you (29138) great question, now i don;t feel alone with this feeling, i am always expecting perfection from myself and the problem is that because of that i can’t tolerate others doing my job, and when rarely make a mistake i get this horrible feeling like i’m geting fired or something, people do worse things and and get away with it, I do too, but for some reason feel like it’s not acceptable for me.

wundayatta's avatar

@OneMoreMinute Accept no other wundys. There is only one true wundy. Let that be a lesson to you!

slick44's avatar

I expect no more of myself, then of others.

tedibear's avatar

@wundayatta – You described me to a “t” especially at home and school. Slightly less so at work, but only slightly. I think I need to come to training with you at @OneMoreMinute‘s place. But I’m shaving anywhere that gets duct taped!

phillis's avatar

All somebody has to do is communicate with me. Yes, I am very clear in communicating. That is what I expect of others, so I do it myself, as well. I also take responsibility for my actions, and I expect others to do the same.

I don’t have a clue what to do next unless I hear from a person. Are they taking responsibility? Are they shirking it? I can easily reserve “judgement” of a situation until I hear from that person, but you have to communicate with me. If you let it fester, that’s not my problem. And if you don’t take responsibility, then what did you expect would happen?

thriftymaid's avatar

I expect a lot of myself; I always have.

OneMoreMinute's avatar

@wundayatta Sorry about that, guess I got a little wun-DAYSD-atta confused!
You Da Wunda!

@tedibear39 Funny!

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