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nebule's avatar

Did you know you can actually make people fall in love with you?

Asked by nebule (16446points) April 12th, 2010

I just read an article entitled Let Your Love Flow in April’s UK edition of Psychologies, written by David Servan-Schreiber who states that ‘By finding out what triggers the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin in each of us, we can strengthen our bonds of love’ and basically all you have to do in order to do that if find out which of the five languages of love the person you are wishing to devour fits into: (I’d call them weak spots personally)

1) words of affirmation (you are beeeautiful)
2) quality time (take them to the cinema)
3) receiving gifts (buy flowers)
4) acts of service (do the washing up)
5) physical touch (cuddles…and…what not!)

Funnily enough, an ex of mine started reading a book about this (shortly before we broke up ironically!) as I recall… but this article literally states that all we need to do is open ‘the right doors in their brain’ (by pressing on the relevant weak spot…sorry door..from above list) and bobs your uncle – oxytocin is released…bonds are formed… (apparently this happens with mother and child too when breastfeeding….) Is this all there is to it??

Of course not surely?... your thoughts…fellow lurvers… :-)

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37 Answers

Dr_Dredd's avatar

I don’t know about strengthening the bonds of love, but I had a pharmacology professor who claimed that oxytocin (which apparently can affect memory) was the only reason women had more than one child!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

How is this news, again? I just read these things sometimes and think ‘well, duh!’ But I don’t think you can make anyone fall in love with you with those ‘tricks’, just make your love life more enjoyable.

netgrrl's avatar

Ah… if it were easy everyone would be doing it. tongue firmly in cheek

njnyjobs's avatar

of course you have to consider that there are various levels of “Love” ranging from friendly, familial, intimate, work-related, etc.

gemiwing's avatar

Then why am I not in love with my friends? We hang out, do each other favors, hug all that jazz. Yet Hubbs is the one I love… although he does do all that stuff. That heathen trickster!

rebbel's avatar

Those are the things i do daily, and my girlfriend too.
Okay, i’m not going to the cinema with my girlfriend every day.

Chongalicious's avatar

Yep yep, these things do all feel great when experienced…but I didn’t know it could make people fall in love o.O

Did you know that eating chocolate (for women) releases the same hormone in us as when we are in love?
Maybe that’s why my boyfriend brought me home a giant Hershey bar :D

Coloma's avatar

Yes, not a mystery, but I guess it is rather interesting to those that have just made the discovery

‘Love’ is incredibly complex and yet, paradoxically inately simple.

Which Bower bird gets the female?

The solicitious and diligent collector of all the right stuff. lol

ucme's avatar

No need I attract love from various quarters.It’s a gift I know.

Likeradar's avatar

I don’t buy it.
I think this article (and I’ve read the same basic theory in other places too) is just saying that different people appreciate different things. It might be a good way to help get your foot in the door or to help keep a relationship going, but if someone doesn’t like you or feel chemistry with you, it doesn’t matter how many compliments you give or movies you take them to.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, but it does lend itself towards another truth, that people can and do grow on you, especially with the right intentions and caring gestures.

The chemical part, thats true as well…hormones are intelligent, chemically induced brain highs are intended to create the best chance for ’ meet, mate, procreate!’

So it’s ALL true!

It’s also true that nothing is true 100% of the time. lol

kevbo's avatar

I wonder if this is equally true for “the greatest love of all.”

Coloma's avatar

I’d say the blend would be there, chemistry and gesture. The combo meal of intimacy.

PacificToast's avatar

I call these common kindness, but if this is what falling in love is for you, so be it.

wundayatta's avatar

Well, that explains my urges to do these things. Amazing what love will inspire you to do.

anartist's avatar

Hell, just put a little Pitocin or Syntocinon in her/his drink. From what wikipedia says, it really is love potion #9. Although it may work better with women.

Oxytocin ) (sold as Pitocin,r Syntocinon ) is a mammalian hormone that acts primarily as a neurotransmitter in the brain. Also known as alpha-hypophamine (α–hypophamine), oxytocin has the distinction of being the very first polypeptide hormone to be sequenced and synthesized biochemically by Vincent du Vigneaud et al. in 1953.[1]

Oxytocin is best known for its roles in female reproduction: 1) it is released in large amounts after distension of the cervix and vagina during labor, and 2) after stimulation of the nipples, facilitating birth and breastfeeding, respectively. Recent studies have begun to investigate oxytocin’s role in various behaviors, including orgasm, social recognition, pair bonding, anxiety, trust, love, and maternal behaviors.[2]

lilikoi's avatar

How interesting! I can see how it would strengthen a bond, but I just can’t imagine myself falling in love with someone who did all these things if I was not physically attracted to them from the start.

the100thmonkey's avatar

@lynneblundell: if only it were that simple.

As my sister said once (after a nasty nreak-up):

“A hormone can’t treat you right”.

CMaz's avatar

Uh, falling in love IS a process. Only working if there is an effort.

Or a shit load of money in the bank.

slick44's avatar

Can this be done long distance? I have an interest in the answer to that?

CaptainHarley's avatar

Did you know that love is a decision? : )

evandad's avatar

All five of those categories we’re practiced regularly by many divorced people. There is no predicting the human heart.

evandad's avatar

I mean five

lloydbird's avatar

Lynne,.....the lengths that you’ll go to!

You could just tell me, you know.

Judi's avatar

People who consider the needs and desires of others tend to be easier to love. It’s not manipulation, it is taking the time to understand what motivates people, how they communicate love. To do that makes you a considerate person, not a manipulative one.

kyanblue's avatar

The title of the question got me all excited for nothing. =/ This doesn’t make random strangers fall in love with you, it just induces greater affection from your loved ones.

Helpful list, though. I’m assuming people can fit into more than one…

Trillian's avatar

Those are considered the five “love languages”. I just went over this with someone else, I thing @wundayatta. I think that this can help but that there are other factors involved.

le_inferno's avatar

And this is what we call pseudopsychology…

Coloma's avatar

I’m a quality timer.

lonelydragon's avatar

Interesting theory (I would be a quality timer and a cuddler :)). But I can see limitations to it. If the attempts at wooing are too obvious, then the person being courted might question the other’s sincerity.

phoebusg's avatar

Depends on your definition of love. There’s way too much meaning crammed into it. People left and right meanwhile focus on different dimensions of it and then wonder why their discussion is not advancing smoothly.

Definition aside, there are a lot of mechanism-like functions of the human brain. It is good to be aware of them, on both sides. Teach your partner about it and make use of it as a team, on the same side. Don’t use the findings of psychology or neuroscience to abuse other people ‘make people love you’ and so forth.

Love is much deeper and has more dimensions than just simple emotional mechanisms of attachment.

Coloma's avatar

My definition of quality time these days.

Come over, go home.

The quality is in between. lol

jeanmay's avatar

Yes, but our bodies are neither wholly nor continuously affected by oxytocin, there are other hormones at play too: testosterone and adrenaline to name but two. Those other hormones also affect how we feel about one another.

Also hormones may make us feel a certain way, but they do not govern our thoughts. There are too many other variables in the equation. In theory oxytocin should help you bond with your newborn baby, but there are women who can’t seem to connect with their children, or whose bond is not immediate at least. This could be as a result of depression, unrealistic expectations or a million other reasons.

Perhaps the things that trigger feelings of love can be boiled down to such a simple equation, but maintaining and cultivating those love feelings are far from simple.

IBy the way, if you (or any other flutherite) wants to come around and do the washing up, I’ll show you love, lots and lots of it.

Pandora's avatar

I don’t think these things can make people fall in love with you but they can make you think kinder of a person. You shower anyone with attention and they will like you all the more for it. However do it a lot and people will sometimes just use you.
Now do it with someone you are in a relationship with and it can help the other person fall deeper in love with you. But I believe they had to be inclined to do so. There were guys who were like that with me when I was younger and I just thought they were out to get laid and felt a lot of their actions insincere.
Now when I met my husband, we didn’t get alone. It was actually getting to know him that developed the attraction and then the following actions just felt genuine and I feel deeply in love.

nebule's avatar

Just to clear something up..the question was stated in a rather tongue in cheek manner…I don’t believe for one minute that you can make anyone fall in love with you by doing on or a combination of the above five things maybe that didn’t come across… must work harder lynnie!!

Anyhow…what I thought was fascinating was that these things can actually trigger the oxytocin to be released which is a component at least of the love factor… if we can grant the lovely little chemical that much responsibility… which is probably why I feel so unloved at the moment because I’ve not had a decent cuddle, gift, act of service, compliment or much quality time given to me for a while… oh wait though…

It also stated in the article that we all have different levels of this of course… and interestingly those males that don’t have much are consistently more promiscuous… (I presume it works with females too…but he didn’t have a jab at us ladies…)

@lloydbird :-) I should shouldn’t I!
@slick44 I imagine so…can you elaborate….
@judi i agree!
@kyanblue perhaps No. 6 should be the element of suspense… :-)
@anartist very useful answer thank you xx
@Simone_De_Beauvoir this was news to me… as explained above…sorry you didn’t think it very worth while :-(
@gemiwing good question!! and one to ponder
@wundayatta anything you do is fine by me :-p x

sixthsense's avatar

I’m not so sure…I think if somebody was maybe manipulative enough and who has read the book it could all work to their advantage, especially if they have you do the test that is in the book at the initial stages of the relationship which can identify your given ‘weak spots’.

Once they’ve discovered the hidden depths of you and identified your vulnerabilities then ‘Bobs you uncle’ you could be putty in in their hands.

Only if you let them mind!!

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