I tell you all a little bed time story…
Once upon a time, nearly 25 years ago, a very naive photographer opened up his first studio in the heart of downtown St. Louis. He was poor and didn’t have much money to spend on rent. So he struck a deal with an unscrupulous landlord in a bad part of the city.
One day the air conditioner broke in the middle of summer. The landlord refused to fix it and the photographer could not have clients come to his studio any longer in the sweltering heat. The lease clearly stated that the landlord would fix, or rent would be withheld until it was.
Infuriated at not getting his rent, the landlord locked the photographer out of his own studio. The landlord said that he could not get back in until all the rent was paid in full. With no time or money for a lawyer and courts, the photographer cleared his savings and borrowed money from friends and family. He paid the money to the landlord and was instructed to get his things and leave immediately.
Upon entering the studio, the photographer soon discovered that all of his camera equipment had been stolen. Everything else had acid poured over it and was completely ruined. Police reports were filed but there was no evidence to press charges against the landlord. The photographer gathered what little was left, and abandoned the studio.
For years the photographer bore the grudge of getting revenge, planning and plotting many schemes to get even. He dwelt upon it, consumed by anger and hatred for the landlord. The photographer held on to this pain until he actually became anger and hatred incarnate. It jaded his world and affected friendships and relationships.
It took a long time to recuperate from the incident, but as the years passed, the photographer found that his energy was best spent upon rebuilding his career and pursuing new clients, which he did quite successfully.
One night, while going through some old files, the photographer came across a file folder that documented the old incident with that old landlord. He was shocked to see the notes he wrote at the time, filled with the most terrible thoughts of vengeance and vitriol. He was saddened that he could ever become such a person to hold on to such pain. He realized that he did not wish to do any harm to another, no matter what they had done to him. He wanted forgiveness for having those feelings against another person.
He looked to the sky and said, “I don’t know if you’re up there or not, but if you are, please help me forgive my old landlord. Let me find a way to not let his actions turn me into the same kind of person that he is. Let me find a way to forgive him. I forgive him.”
The photographer threw the file away in the trash and vowed never to entertain such hatred for another human being again. He felt relieved. He felt clean. He knew peace.
ONE HOUR LATER…
The photographer received a phone call from a fellow friend photographer. He was an ambulance chaser, driving around in the middle of the night listening to the police scanners for disasters, hoping to get on the scene before anyone else, and sell his photos to the news media.
He said, “Hey, remember that old studio you had ten years ago downtown. I said, “Sure, funny you should ask. I was just thinking about it.” My friend said, “Well, I’m standing outside of it right now watching it burn to the ground. There’s nothing left except three fire trucks and your old landlord crying to the police about not having any insurance.”
I was not happy about it. I was not saddened by it. I was enlightened.
A small voice inside told me that as long as I hold onto my own anger and vengeance, that the universe would not step in. But by removing myself in forgiveness, I no longer stood in the way of cosmic justice. It was me who prevented natures balance because I insisted upon tipping the scales to justify my pain. But when I stepped aside, nature could again find balance.
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I could tell this same story for a dozen different experiences. It works the same every time. If you do me wrong, you’re quite safe as long as I am angry and vengeful. But the moment I forgive you, really forgive you from my heart, then it’s a sad sad day coming for you my friend. And my hands will be clean.
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