General Question

lovesick's avatar

I have feelings for my friend's boyfriend, what should I do?

Asked by lovesick (12points) April 19th, 2010

Ever since this handsome, funny guy started dating one of my friends, he’s attracted me. Both physically and the way his personality clicks with mine. They’ve been going out for almost 2 years and have lived together for a while. Every time I’m at their house I sense chemistry between us. Also when we’re out together with others he’s affectionate towards me. I know they’ve had a rough relationship recently but they’ve decided to try harder. He’s started messaging me recently after asking for my number, so I know he feels something towards me.

I guess it’s an impossible infatuation since I know it will ruin a friendship…even if they were to break up in the future.

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27 Answers

cletrans2col's avatar

Umm…you suck it up and do nothing. If you are a real friend you do nothing.

escapedone7's avatar

If he would play like that behind your friends back (texting and flirting with other girls) he will do the same behind your back. You will end up with a player and lose a friend. Sounds like no brainer.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

You should be true to your friend. They’re worth more than any guy. The way you describe it, he sounds like he’s setting up a new relationship with you. I’d be careful.

phillis's avatar

It is your choice whether to tell your friend, but yes, definitely back off whenever you see him or the two of them together. They may notice the change in you when you back off. If they say something, well…...honesty really IS the best policy. I don’t see how a friend can hold it against you for doing something that honors and respects her, especially when you are specifically denying yourself something that you want.

It is worth mentioning, too, that the odds of this guy being “Mr. Right” are slim to none. So you really haven’t missed anything, anyway.

JeffVader's avatar

So, another way to describe this scenario would be…... your friend & her boyfriend have been having relationship issues. & now he’s trying to hit on you…. my, what a charmer!
Be a friend & either keep your distance, or tell your friend.

Sophief's avatar

You don’t go there, for out of respect for yourself, more than anything.

thriftymaid's avatar

Nothing. He’s off limits, now and even possibly after he and your friend break up.

partyparty's avatar

You should stay true to your friend, and help her through the difficult time she is having. Don’t even attempt to take things further with this guy. Don’t answer his messages.
If the relationship between your friend and this guy ends, then you could take things further with him.
Just be there for your friend for now.

PhillyCheese's avatar

Do nothing.
Don’t even flirt with him. That will make things worse.

Be a true friend.

Scooby's avatar

Just stay out of it & let them sort out their issues, find your own man! :-/

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

If you and that girl are really good friends, you shouldn´t do anything about it.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

If you and that girl are really good friends, you shouldn’t be playing footsie with her boyfriend via text message. The fact that he would flirt with you while living with her… If you were your friend, how would you feel about that?

slick44's avatar

Ya dont go there. I did that, and ruined a long time friendship.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

You leave them alone, and let the relationship run its natural course. It is not up to you to decide their fate.

Cruiser's avatar

If you haven’t done anything about “handsome, funny guy” that started dating your friend Two Years ago…now is not the time to start especially when someone is have trouble in their relationship. Rebounds are not the healthiest of ways to start a new relationship.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Obviously you need to have sex with him as soon as possible to maximize the other girl’s agony.

Also way to get in there when the relationship is at a low point. Any predator knows that preying on the vulnerable is the easiest way to get what you want.

Trillian's avatar

@Captain_Fantasy I couldn’t think of anything vitriolic enough. Thank you. GA

MagsRags's avatar

What makes you think you are the only girl he is text flirting with?

I would ask him to contact you in 5 years if he happens to be unattached at that point. If it’s meant to be, that’s a reasonable break with the past.

MarcoNJ's avatar

Eh, just go ahead. Go text crazy. Where’s the harm?

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

The fact that this guy thinks it’s ok to flirt with his girlfriend’s friend should show you what type of person he really is. Before looking for another relationship, he should have ended his current relationship first. And shame on you for playing into his game!

evandad's avatar

You’re breaking the number one rule about friends and lovers. No good can come of it.

broncosgirl's avatar

Sounds like a no brainer, but it can be tough. I have been in your shoes in a way (my s/o was a friend of my ex’s and myself). Being with him is AWESOME, and I don’t regret it one bit. However, if you want to pursue this guy, you will lose your friend. Stay out of their relationship, and if they break up, then maybe someday at some point you two can get together. In my case, it worked, but it almost never works that way. Find another guy.

Love_or_Like's avatar

If you know they are going to try harder in their relationship they willing to stay together. What you have to do is stand back from him. He seems like a player because he knows you have feeling for him. Plus he is dating your friend. Don’t let him get your attention or anything. I know it’s very hard. I would say not to text him and if he asks you when you see him say “I didn’t get it” or make something up. Also you will lose a friend for a guy. I know you are thinking “I want him so bad” but there are some many other guys out there. And that guy is taken by your friend. I had the same problem before and I got played and lost a friend. It’s not good at all. And after that you feel terrible. But what you should do is keep away from him. And after he gets what he wants he will leave and so the same thing back to you.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I can’t top what @Captain_Fantasy has written, he’s concise and… it’s the truth of the matter. Your friend’s guy is no good guy if he cuts and run to start texting and hitting up other girls while his relationship is in troubled waters. The best that could possibly happen and I doubt it will work is this.

He breaks up with her and they live separately.
You and he start seeing each other.
Your friend discovers he hit you up when they were still together. She hates you both now.
You and the guy always have underlying tension because you each know the other is capable of underhanded dirty dealings. You will always suspect him of sexting other girls and he will always be insecure of other guys getting your attention and you leaving him.
Is it chemistry that’s brought you together? Who knows but none of it will be anything to be proud of when telling people how you met or got together. No romantic stories to pass around or onto children should you ever have any together. You’ll never be the hit of any office parties or friends’ gatherings.

Love_or_Like's avatar

I agree with you 100%!!

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