Social Question

kittybee's avatar

What do you do when you think you've found the one, but you can't stop fighting with each other?

Asked by kittybee (329points) June 8th, 2010

We have been together for about eight months, and we moved in with each other after a few months. Neither of us is the most stable, down to earth of people, but we love each other and we have so much in common. since we met each other we left what we we’re doing in college to persue something more suitable for us, so we have ended up spending every waking minute with each other. Problem is, we are always fighting. At least one big fight a day. Is this because we spend so much time with each other and because were stressed out at the moment? Is this relationship doomed, or is this what would happen to any couple if they ended up together all day every day?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

11 Answers

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

I’ve talked about this before. Try living in separate spaces. Next door to each other. Down the block from each other. Seriously. You are still “together” but in separate spaces. Lots of people are doing this and finding that it helps.

If indeed, he/she is THE ONE….then your love will still blossom, work out the kinks and you can give living together another try….or make an arrangement that works out for both of you. Not sure what you do, but creative people (especially) do this. Helena Bonham-Carter and Tim Burton live in London in houses next to each other——they say that they have different schedules and ways of doing things——and it works out best that way. They have a child (children?) and still manage to have a strong relationship.

gemiwing's avatar

Look at your arguments and figure out what, specifically, you are both fighting about. Is it control? Is it personal space? Don’t just look at the words used in the fight- try to find out where the words came from and what feeling brought them out.

Learn how to fight fair. Say ‘I feel’ instead of ‘you always’; keep accusations out of it. Here is a good starting point on learning how to disagree with a purpose instead of covering the same ground over and over.

Make time for yourselves as individuals. Have some alone time once a day. Go for a walk, take a long bath- something. It’s important to keep a sense of individuality, especially when two people have to work and live together.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

What do you fight about? For most people love is about all the “good stuff” and what they can ignore about the “bad stuff” instead of actively working to compromise or change the “bad stuff”. House slobs, bad cooks, disorganized bill payers- those are salvageable.

marinelife's avatar

My husband and I do not “always fight” at least once each day. It does not sound good. Have you considered counseling?

Silhouette's avatar

Learn how to communicate better. Communication is key.

Trillian's avatar

Less together time. More “me” time for both of you. And as @Silhouette says, learn communication techniques.

stardust's avatar

What @Silhouette said. Communication can make or break a relationship. Good luck

evandad's avatar

If you fight that much you were wrong when you thought they were the one.

perspicacious's avatar

If you fight all of the time I hope you quickly decide you have NOT found the right one.

OmegaGraham's avatar

It’s what would happen if any couple did what we did and spent too much time together. I’m sorry for taking you for granted sometimes and getting fed up with you. I love you Fiona and now that you’re gone I miss you everyday. If you ever want to give it another try, I know where we went wrong.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I think it’s a bad sign if people think they’re spending “too much time together” in the relationship are in a relationship at all. If that’s how they feel then they should spare potential partners the irritation and just say up front they’re not relationship people and are only as good as occasional outing and play buddies.

We’ve all got one mortal life that we know of and no guarantee even in “good” health how long that’ll last. Be a trooper and either step up or back off and let others have a chance to make each other happy, loved, appreciated, respected and treasured. It sounds like a huge difference than just being “happy” together because it is and everyone deserves a crack at it rather than being sidelined by wishy washies.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther