Social Question

nikipedia's avatar

Do you have any happily-ever-after stories?

Asked by nikipedia (27454points) June 13th, 2010

Most of the girls I know (including myself) are in the process of getting treated badly by the men they date and/or attempt to date, and it is making me unpleasantly cynical. I keep watching the season finale of 30 Rock to cheer myself up.

So this is a fluke, right? People do actually go on to have happy, enjoyable relationships after periods of bullshit, right? We’re not all doomed to be alone forever…are we?

Can you tell me a relationship story with a happy ending? Bonus points if it starts out with the horrible and the miserable.

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31 Answers

tadpole's avatar

there are lots of people out there living happily ever after..

the media distort the truth and focus on celebrities etc….

real life isn’t like sex and the city…

lots of people have bad patches in relationships which they work through…

on the other hand lots of people don’t stick with it…

the truth is there are lots of dodgy men out there but also lots of decent ones…but once you find a decent one you will still have to learn to live with each other…

i encourage you to be pro-active about it…don’t give up….maintain standards for yourself and don’t accept being badly treated, and use your female friends for support….also note there are lots of men out there who don’t have a clue and are happy to be given guidance if this is agreeable to you…speaking as a man i don’t think you will find many knights on white chargers…we generally need to be told what to do!!

casheroo's avatar

I’d say it’s “happily ever after” but it’s definitely no fairy tale!

I used to give myself completely to men, then I’d become way too concerned that they’d cheat and it would blow up in my face. The last relationship I had prior to my husband was a disaster actually I’m sure you would know since you sort of know the guy Not just because of him, of course, but that played a huge role. So much lying (on both parts), intentionally hurting the other, not respecting the other at all, cheating. My gosh, it was awful.
I never thought I’d be alone forever, but I was depressed with life in general. Things with my husband did not start in a way that sounds romantic or is even something I’m proud of. But it was crazy how devoted he was to me, and how much he wanted to show his love for me. I had never had a man actually love me in that way. Once you find the person that you’re meant to be with, it’s like a light goes off…it just feels right, things are amazing.
I’m totally not saying we don’t have our ups and downs. We just went through a rough patch in our marriage..but we’re young, had to live with my parents for a year..which I think affected us way more than we both expected. Since we’ve moved out and had many talks, we’ve worked out our issues and are now working as a team again

When I think of him, and the way I know he loves me and the kids…the way we can always laugh at our crappy situations, making light of life and it’s obstacles. It just makes me fall in love with him all over again.
A long-term committed relationship is hard. I know how people try to make it seem like it’s all rainbows and sunshine but love is not just that. A marriage takes work, but you have to have the right partner for it to work.

marinelife's avatar

My husband’s and my relationship did not start out all that well. We went through periods of dating mixed with periods of just being friends, but we always kept seeing each other.

I once almost broke up with him after some friends of his came over to a party at my house. I did not know them. Their car broke down, and they asked to spend the night on my living room floor. I was OK with that, but my then boyfriend decided he was going to go home—leaving me alone with these guys I didn’t know spending the night in my apartment. I was furious. He was so apologetic that I gave him another chance.

Then we moved in together (another long story), and one day he called me Mrs. His Last Name. I said I am not Mrs. His Last Name. He said, “Well, do you want to be?”

So, we got married after not the most romantic of proposals. But the wedding was great, and all of the now 27 years after have been pretty darn good too, Besides good sexual chemistry, he is my best friend. I still love spending time with him.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Yes, Nikki. Being in my mid-40s and still single, I had pretty much written off finding the right mate. Instead of worrying about it, I just focused on enjoying friendships and a stable, secure life and future.

One weekend, I logged in to a virtual world web-site that could possibly be utilized in my line of work. A couple of months later and after being sucked up into the social side of the site, I landed in a chat room and met Rew. After a few months on the site, we moved on to e-mail and then web-camming. And then we met in person.

After meeting each others’ families, we became engaged about a year after our first chat. I am now in the process of moving from the US to England. And by the way, he is also in his mid-40’s and has never been married.

While we don’t know how our story will end, we have no doubts to it being a successful marriage. My friends have described our story as a fairy tale and encouraged us to write it down. Rew and I started a blog to appease them, as well as to have something to refer back to when we become feeble-minded in later years.

Aethelwine's avatar

Without going into great detail, there were several years that my husband and I treated each other terribly. Most would say that the odds are against us having a successful relationship since we married at a young age. We were 20 when we met, and married when we were 21.

These difficult times that we had has only made our relationship stronger. We’ve learned to communicate better, and we both now know that we have each other’s back no matter what.

We’ve had some difficult times financially the past year. For many people this would put a bring strain on their relationship. Since my husband and I were able to get through our past troubles, it prepared us for this difficult time. We know we are here for each other, and would still be here for each other, even if we have to live in a van down by the river. ;)

19 years as a couple, happier than ever. That’s my happily ever after story.

Scooby's avatar

Sorry, I live very happily on my own, friends & acquaintances come & go :-/
I just find I prefer my own space, I’m a little selfish of it in fact, intimate relationships just aren’t what they are cracked up to be IMO, I just don’t have the energy to sustain one….. ;-)

Blackberry's avatar

I divorced my c*nt of an ex-wife and found probably the best woman I will ever find right after, although I do not know what is in our future, I am aware that happy endings are real after my experience. Just the divorce alone was a happy ending lol.

HungryGuy's avatar

No. Most of my stories end in heartache and extreme humiliation for the protagonost…

partyparty's avatar

Sorry, but why do you allow your men to treat you badly? Do you enjoy the bullying and abuse? Do you care about yourself?
I had to ask those questions because I really don’t understand why you allow these men to treat you this way.
I have had a wonderful relationship with an equally wonderful person for many, many years, and can’t even imagine being treated with anything but respect. But equally I give respect back. Perhaps that is what is lacking in these relationships.
Sorry to be blunt, but that is how I feel!!

nikipedia's avatar

@partyparty: Um, thanks for making such rude assumptions. None of us are allowing men to treat us badly; we are removing them from our lives when they demonstrate that they are incapable of behaving well.

I’m glad you’re so perfect and your relationship is too. Take your condescension somewhere else.

partyparty's avatar

@nikipedia Most of the girls I know (including myself) are in the process of getting treated badly by the men they date and/or attempt to date

Sorry if my reply offended you, but I am merely replying to your words (above). You stated you are being treated badly, these are not my words. I am responding accordingly.

Equally I haven’t said my world is perfect (although it is pretty good).

I was trying to help you by stating respect is what might be needed in order for you and your friends to gain respect.

If this offended you then you clearly have a long way to go to understand relationships.

MissA's avatar

Not yet.

nikipedia's avatar

@partyparty: Of course I’m offended! We are all respectful people and it is really fucked up of you to insult me when I’m obviously feeling down about this! You are making outlandish assumptions and totally unjustified inferences.

And when someone treats another person badly, it is not the fault of the person receiving the poor treatment. That logic is really messed up.

partyparty's avatar

@nikipedia Perhaps if you explained your predicament more clearly then you would get a more positive answer from me.
I was merely trying to help, by saying respect was the way forward in any relationship. Don’t allow the bad behaviour to happen!
BTW Expletives are really not the way forward.

nikipedia's avatar

Please stop derailing my thread.

perspicacious's avatar

I’ll have to let you know later.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Kinda sorta, it’s a work in progress but still like night and day. I knew my bf through work but didn’t start dating him until he left our company. I knew he’d had a rough go at a marriage, was depressed and abusing himself adjusting to bachelorhood. That’s what I interpreted. The truth was far scarier and even though I knew he really cared for me, was serious about me and kept trying to keep me around, his bad habits just about wore me down over a year. He got off of pills, drinking a bottle or more of booze a day, started taking care of his health and we’ve been working out since.

It’s wonderful to be loved but better when actions back up intent and values. We now live together, have reached some sort of stability and are trying ways of communication we’ve not bothered with before or have little experience with. I don’t believe people can often change who they are, their core selves but I definitely believe they can change their behaviors. I had a rough decision to tell the man I what exactly I wanted for the rest of my mortal life and to see if he was interested in stepping up, cleaning up to be part of that.

Val123's avatar

Well, there seems to be a romantic assumption out there that living happily ever after just happens. It doesn’t. It takes a lot of work.

@partyparty I agree about the respect, but you can’t force someone to treat you with respect. I agree with @nikipedia that you’re jumping to assumptions. You can meet someone, and they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread but slowly, slowly they change and begin showing their TRUE colors. By that time there may be a history there from when times were good, that makes it difficult to just get out. Hell, I was married to my first husband for 8 years before he turned into a total asshat. We had 3 kids and a house. You can’t just give them the ring back and say, “I’m breaking up with you.”

Draconess25's avatar

Ellie, Rachel, & I were best friends (& social outcasts) throughout high school. We were all too nervous to make the 1st move.

My biological mom died when I was 2. My adoptive mom (her sister) was a severe alcoholic until I started high school. My biological father was a child molester. My adoptive parents got divorced when I was 6. My dad’s new girlfriend was an emotionally abusive slut. My “brother” (really my cousin) nearly killed me multiple times.

Rachel was a crack baby. Her alcoholic mom got an alcoholic boyfriend when she was 10. Her mom had her on multiple ADHD medications (she stockpiled the pills), & she didn’t even have ADHD. She is now a total mess, physically & mentally.

Ellie’s dad & stepmom are also alcoholics. They are also extremely homophobic & (mostly in her stepmom’s case) religious. Her parents got divorced around the same time as mine. And someothing else happened in her childhood that made her this depressed & fearful, but I don’t know what it is yet.

We had horrible family lives, but seemed to be made for each other. Today is our 3 month anniversary.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

My grandparents met in a forced labor camp in Germany during WWII. My grandmother was 17 at the time, and she is 86 today. Throughout their marriage they were always together, you could literally see how much love was between them. My grandfather passed away over 10 years ago, and she still talks about him daily.

MissA's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie I love it when people talk about their friends and spouses after they pass. When your lives are entwined, how could you just stop talking about them? That’s how they live on. @Draconess25 I’m sorry for what you and your friends have had to bear…but, am happy for you finding each other. Happy Anniversary.

Iclamae's avatar

My mom started dating my dad 25 years ago. They didn’t get married until ~9 years ago. They fought horribly when they were together and then would break up and date other people. All the while raising me and my sister (who had a different father). It took until now, when they’re older, for them to really get themselves together and make a relationship work. They had all the right beginnings technically. My dad supported my mom through my grandmother’s disease and death despite their on and off dating and my mom was always flexible about visitations with me and my sister. But when they stayed together and lived together, they fought a lot. And though I didn’t witness them, I’m told there were quite a lot of violent fights too (from both of them, not just dad).

It’s really tricky because when my girl friends go through a bad relationship or a violent fight, I tell them to get out of it. But my parents went through all that and even though it took 25 years, it only strengthened their relationship.

tadpole's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie that sense of togetherness over a whole lifetime is rarer nowadays, but noticeable amongst the world war generations…i think divorce has gotten easier and easier over the last 100 to 150 years that now people feel it is almost losing face to try to stick at it…in this sense society seems to be melting….but there still happy couples to be found, without wanting to sound like i’m contradicting myself! good relationships are less newsworthy and there’s no gossip there..

SuperMouse's avatar

I have one of those love stories women dream of. We met at a time when neither one of us looking or expecting, we were just rolling along through life. We fell in love instantly. We spent hours talking and listening, sharing our hearts and souls and pains and baggage. We kissed passionately and loved each other intensely. We could talk for hours and never run out of things to say, or we could just sit holding hands quietly. It was as romantic as all of the poetry ever written. A couple of weeks ago I had to read a book that is love story for a class I was taking, I found myself frustrated by it because it felt redundant – I have lived that kind of romance, I don’t need to read about it.

It took us a while to be able to get to a place where we could plan our future together (almost two years – long story). Last January we finally got to a place where we could be start being together in a forever kind of way, in a together day-to-day kind of way. These past six months have been the most challenging of my entire life. I was married for over 20 years to another man and I never worked this hard! Probably because I didn’t care enough about that to work so hard at it. Anyway, we have argued and fought and been at each other’s throats! But we are moving through it. We are working on all those hard challenging problems I pretended weren’t there in my marriage – the problems that eventually tore it apart. I believe that we are on our way to Happily Ever After. The road is a bit more – shall we say – scenic than I expected it to be in the beginning, but as tough as it has been, it seems to be worth every step.

krose1223's avatar

Oh I do I do!! I had given up on relationships and sworn off marriage until the night I met my husband. I had just gotten off work and my best friend called me asking me to go to her house. I was super tired and had to be back to work in 8 hours so I wasn’t really feeling up to it. She begged and begged me so I did a U-turn and headed to her house. She opened the door and as soon as I saw him I got all twitterpated. It was 45 minutes before we could look at each other but when we finally did time stood still and that was it. I stayed up all night talking with him and by the time I left to go to work at 6 am I was in love. I called my sister the next day and told her I found my future husband. The only problem was I was living in Texas and he was stationed in Guam… The next few weeks we spent every possible minute together and when he left we werent’ sure what would happen. We wrote letters every day and I went to visit him a couple months later. After that I knew I couldn’t live my life without him anymore and when I returned to the states I started saving up to make a move across the world. So here I am two and a half years later, about to celebrate our first anniversary and I couldn’t be anymore certain that he is my soul mate.

But, no fairy tale is perfect. We did have some major ups and downs, and I even got cold feet post marriage. But after all of those bumps we came out of it stronger and closer than ever. I expect more bumps but I know that we will be ok no matter what.

augustlan's avatar

In my teen years, I was quite promiscuous (probably a result of childhood sexual abuse). I was very much a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of girl, never much caring about the damage I did to any of the guys in my life. Then, I fell in love with a ‘bad boy’ and got engaged. Before we made it to a wedding (thank god) it ended badly, and gave me my first broken heart. It changed me in a profound way, in that after that experience I did care how I made others feel. << Step one to my happily-ever-after.

Later, I married a good guy. We had a decent marriage, but I allowed him to control me far too much. We also grew in very different ways. After 17 years of marriage and 3 great kids, we divorced. I was absolutely positive that I had no interest in any sort of committed relationship, and would never re-marry. I felt I had compromised too much of myself in order to stay married that long, and had no interest in ever compromising again. I also thought I just wasn’t marriage material, that no one would be happy with me as I am… without compromise. I was perfectly ok with that. << Step two.

Lo and behold, the very first guy I dated was The One. I pretty much fell in love with him on our first date, but resisted strenuously for quite some time… still sticking with my earlier thoughts (no love! no marriage!). In the end, I finally threw caution to the wind and married the dude. We’ll be married 5 years this August, and I’ve never been more content. He loves and cherishes me, just the way I am. I feel exactly the same way about him. << Step three. ♥♥♥

partyparty's avatar

@Val123 I agree with you entirely that you can’t just say ‘I’m breaking up with you’. That is the reason I said what I said.
I too was in a bad relationship, but until I began to respect myself, and until I had the strength to get out of that relationship I acccepted whatever was thrown at me.
As I plucked up the courage and began to ‘like’ myself again I decided enough was enough and went back home to live with my parents. This didn’t happen overnight.
I too had a home and a child, but decided enough was enough.
I then met someone else and my SO treats me with respect and I equally treat him with respect. I am now in a good relatonship.
That was the point I was attempting to put over when I said what I said.
@nikipedia Hope you now understand why I said what I said. Not meaning to be harsh or cruel towards you :-)

Val123's avatar

@partyparty It took two more years of trying and trying to work it out, before I threw in the towel. Also, I didn’t have my degree at the time and for some reason thought I didn’t have any skills PLUS two of my kids were preschool. Whatever minimum wage job I might be able to get would be eaten up by daycare, not to mention the fact that raising my own kids was the most important thing in the world to me. I had no parents, no one that I could turn to. So it was on my own two feet, divorce, and the battle that inevitable follows. I got the house and the car. I began my own professional daycare to support the kids, and went to school full time in the evenings and got my degree.

As to just saying, “I’m breaking up with you,” it went something like this. The Gulf War had just started. I was crouched down in front of the TV turning up the volume, when I took a deep breath, turned to my husband and said, “I’m filing for divorce.”

It was a terrible time for the kids. A terrible time for me.

Maybe if I’d had the option of running home it would have been different, but I didn’t.

VS's avatar

I am going to a happily-ever-after wedding this afternoon, Valentine’s Day. She was married for 28 years to the father of her two grown children. Her husband sat in his recliner every night expecting her to wait on him, cook his dinner, bring his beer. She grew weary and left him. They have now been divorced for two years. Tonight’s groom was married three times before: 1st wife divorced after a few short years, 2nd wife died in tragic car accident, 3rd wife was a gold digger and tried to take all his money but failed to do so. SO, a few years ago both of these people are single and lonely, working in the same building. They met, fell in love, and began living together about a year and half ago. Six months ago, he was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer. Tonight they are getting married and I am so happy for them to have found each other in the autumn of their years. I wish them many years of happiness, but I’m sure that even if that time is cut short by his health, the time they have together will be packed full of happy memories.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

My story above was written in June of 2010. As of New Year’s Eve 2010 we’ve been engaged and will be married in a few months. We are both surprised at our meeting, what we’ve gone through together and how more and more we love the life we’re making together. We each feel we have what we’ve always wanted and that’s for love to be relatively simple and healing.

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