General Question

mikevargas's avatar

How to end a toxic friendship, but you work together?

Asked by mikevargas (5points) July 4th, 2010

A friend for years, and we both think are close, but they are controlling and manipulative. They never really are concerned with my feelings, ignore me, leave me out of things, critical, etc. (not saying they don’t always do these things). But the issue is we work together…what to do?

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11 Answers

poofandmook's avatar

start keeping things to yourself. You can be what I consider a “work friend”. Your friendship starts and ends at the office door. Don’t talk about personal things around the person, or about things you do in real life, or your feelings or anything. Be friendly at work. If you begin leaving the person out of your real life, he/she will get the hint.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

I’ve been friends with someone controlling and manipulative, but they were always concerned with my feelings, never ignored me, and only left me out of things if it was none of my business or knew I wouldn’t be interested. Those are some virtues that made them a friend.

If you really care about this friendship, then you need to talk to them about how their words/actions make you feel. Confrontation is really hard for a lot of people. The benefit is that you might learn about their perspective, and they might learn from yours. And when the emotions settle down, you may end up closer or discover that this person is really just a co-worker.

YARNLADY's avatar

Don’t do anything. When they try to approach you, be busy, or have somewhere else to be.

plethora's avatar

I’d go with @poofandmook advice. @YARNLADY too

josie's avatar

Keep working together. Ignore the rest.

plethora's avatar

@josie Far easier said than done. Ive been there

YARNLADY's avatar

@plethora Isn’t that always the case?

Your_Majesty's avatar

I would be honest in this situation. I’ll tell them to mind their own business since each of us have our own part in this job. I might severe the relationship but they won’t bother me anymore since they have been told to not bother me anymore. Sometime I’ll strike back twice greater to someone who exploits my life rather than keep avoiding the trouble if it’s unavoidable.

Tenpinmaster's avatar

I think it is best to just be honest about your feelings. That you still want to be civil to then within the business environment but that you no longer wish to persue a friendship with this person. They may be pissed off for a while but it is for the best that they know the truth.

stardust's avatar

I agree that you shouldn’t do anything – in the sense that you drift apart naturally, without the unnecessary drama. Keep conversation light – chit chat if you have to. Don’t discuss your personal life with this person. Slowly but surely the energy will change and you’ll be free

consuelo's avatar

I was/am in the same situation. I sent the evil party an email listing everything that was wrong and examples of situations that were inappropriate and/or hurtful. This ended our friendship. It was awkward at first but eventually she got over it and we can now, for the most part, be in the same room and we’re fine.

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