Is this a mental problem?

There is no real way to answer that, in a way each unique thought a person has is a “mental problem” but I guess it’s in your head so it’s mental and if you think it’s a problem…

Find tools, fix it. Do something.

It sounds like a problem that you share with thousands of other people: fear of intimacy. It’s really too bad, because it robs you of some of life’s greatest pleasures – the most important ones. Sometimes this is an issue that counseling can help you deal with, if you are so inclined.

Well the odd thing is that I have no problem to be intimate…i’ve had sex and been close with people I have dated, I can be very mushy even. However I can only get like that with 1 person and they are everything to me then. I think that is why I have such a hard time letting go of relationships I was really happy in. Aside from that though I have plenty of friends and I am not anti-social. I just feel I don’t give the people the kind of respect they deserve and give it to those who are not worthy of it.

Reminds me of an apathy problem me and a friend had a couple of years back too. He became a “pretty cool guy” and I developed a raging paraphilia.

Sexual intimacy, social intimacy and deep emotional intimacy are all different things.

It could be attributed to a personality disorder, but most like simply a fear of intimacy. I wouldn’t say a mental problem, beyond your reluctance to proceed.

To be honest, sometimes a couple sessions with a therapist, psychologist, or a chaplain can give you perspective on your problem, and through sharing openly with these people, they can help lead you towards discovering things about yourself you were suppressing, or just not connecting together.

I’m not in any position to tell you if you have a “mental problem” or not, but @Zyx is right, everyone’s got problems. I suggest you try talking to someone whose job is talking people through problems. I know it’s helped me grow into a more complete person.

It is certainly not a Personality Disorder. Personality Disorders are severe mental illnesses, some are though to be incurable, and they interfere profoundly with a person’s ability to lead a normal life.

If you feel like it’s a problem, then it is. I can’t disagree with those who’ve suggested talking to a counselor. They can offer a great deal of insight and tools that can help you change what you want to change.

You sound like an insightful guy trying to figure out how to have fulfilling relationships. Clearly you recognize that this is a hard question to answer and everyone has to go through their own search to figure out this question. The fact that you are asking it is very important. I am a psychiatrist with a dynamic orientation, so if you came to me saying this, I would first try to figure our more details and go into greater depths, then I would probably try to get a better sense of your emotional life during your childhood and adolescence. My bet is that the answer lies there. So, I agree with the folks above who suggest going into therapy. I would advise investing in a longer term therapy because you already have good insight and appear to be psychologically minded so you would probably benefit from going deep. 12 sessions wont cut it.

I don’t think you have a personality disorder (as mentioned in @YARNLADY) because you seem to have an intact ego and a good sense of self. People with personality disorders have an extremely difficult time locating problems such as these within themselves because they have such poor ego boundaries.

This is also does not appear to be something meds will help. Be suspicious of easy answers. Good thing is that if you engage in therapy and find a good therapist that matches well with your style, you can probably get a lot better. Just takes time.

Realizing that you, indeed, have a problem would seem to be the first step. I think that it’s wonderful that you are reaching out for help. And, at 23 no less. I know people twice and three times your age who would not have the presence of mind to recognize the problem and seek assistance.

@jm5225…you are probably on your way to solving a core problem, which will serve you well for the rest of your life.

I wish you all the best with this…and, let us know. There are an awful lot of caring flutherers here!

American Psychiatric Association (APA) defines as “an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it” This definition could describe your situation.

@YARNLADY I’m sorry, but Personality Disorder is a term of art, its meaning is very well known in the field, and you are just plain wrong. I know you are going to call this an attack, and I know you have 17 reasons why you think you are right, but you are misinforming someone who has a routine problem by telling him it may be a disaster, and I just can’t let you do that.

@yarnlady
True but in addition to that snippet from the apa website there is an additional 100 years worth of research and theory. Without personally assessing @jm255 I cannot rule anything out, but his question certainly does not have the flavor of a personality disorder

You sound like a human with issues.
Welcome to the race.

See a counselor.

oh boy..I don’t think i have a personality disorder, I have a pretty good head on my shoulders. Sometimes I’m guilty of putting pleasure before business but I think everyone does that from time to time. I think most people have little quirks about them and things that are a little off from what one might call “normal” or the ideal standard of living. I think this situation is just one of mine although it may be slightly more extreme then I wish it was.

Perhaps some counseling would easily correct this or give me clarity on why I am this way but I don’t feel it has held me back in life or made me miss out on more then a couple of extra hugs and maybe some laughs. My bigger concern when it comes to the effect of this “problem” would be the effect it has on other people and how they feel about my affection or what I think of them. I have a big heart despite how I act and it would hurt me to know that someone I do care about doesn’t know that because of how I display my affection for them.

I think you all have given some great answers though and greatly appreciate it. Just thought I would clarify things a bit. I know asking if it was a mental problem may have been a dramatic way of asking….but really sometimes things are more severe then one realizes so I was looking for reactions from people and their take on it.

@dpworkin No, I don’t take it personally when you choose to deny a quote taken directly from the APA. To me, that just shows your bias on the subject.

It was a truncated quote, and uninformed, like a lot of your silly posts. That was explained to you twice: once by me, and once by a psychiatrist who happens to haunt Fluther, but, as usual, you’ll take your own lack of knowledge over any expert’s presence of knowledge.

This certainly does not sound like a personality disorder. It is more likely an anxiety-based disorder and can be helped by working with a trained therapist such as a psychologist.

Now it has been explained to you once again by yet another expert, @YARNLADY.