Social Question

ucme's avatar

Got any dumb jokes that are actually quite funny, relatively speaking?

Asked by ucme (46217points) July 8th, 2010

Yeah, a corny uninspiring gag that is maybe a slow burner or at least has you chuckling even if it’s out of pity.Jokes that are essentially underrated.Go on no one’s here but us, I won’t tell ;¬}

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17 Answers

downtide's avatar

I have a joke that I love but only science geeks ever get it.

A particle physicist is driving very fast down the motorway and is pulled over by a police officer*. The policeman says “Excuse me, sir, do you know how fast you were going?”

“No,” says the physicist. “But I know exactly where I am!”

*This physicist is British. Substitute freeway and traffic cop as required.

cookieman's avatar

Two peanuts walk into a park at night. One was a-salted.

What’d the guy say when he walked into the bar? “Ow!”

CMaz's avatar

A baby seal walks into a club…

aprilsimnel's avatar

Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One muffin said to the other, “Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?” And the other muffin said, “Aaaaugh! A talking muffin!!!”

cookieman's avatar

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting co…

MOOOOOOOOOOO

rebbel's avatar

A German family is shopping and they come to a sports shop.
The little boy of the family takes an orange shirt from the Dutch soccer team from the shelf and says to his sister: “I decided to support the Dutch team, can i have this T-shirt?”
His sister gets angry and slaps him on the head, asking him if he has lost his mind.
So, he turns to his mother saying he is going to be a fan of the Dutch and if he can buy that orange shirt.
His mother gets mad and slaps him a few times, asking him what has got in to him.
Now the boy goes to his father, telling him the same thing: “I support the Netherlands now, can i please have that orange shirt?”
His father gets furious and beats the crap out of him, saying: “No son of mine will ever wear a Dutch soccer shirt.”
On the way home, in the car, the father asks his son whether he has learned something today?
“Yeah, i’ve been a fan of the Dutch team for only two hours now and i already hate those fucking Germans!”

Coloma's avatar

Whatta ya get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you get an onion with floppy ears, but…every once in awhile you get a piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

mrentropy's avatar

Q: How many doors does a chicken coop have?
A: Two. If it had four, it’d be a chicken sedan.

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve your kind here!” The mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fungi.”

Two atoms are walking down the street and bump into each other.
One electron says, “I’m terribly sorry! Are you all right?”
“No, I’ve lost an electron!” wails the other atom.
“Are you sure?” asks the first.
“I’m positive!”

A proton and neutron go into a bar. The proton orders a beer, pulls out his wallet and pays for it. The neutron also orders a beer but when he starts taking money out of his wallet the bartender stops him and says, “For you, there’s no charge.”

The bartender is cleaning up glasses when one of the patrons comes up to him.
“Is it okay if I use your restroom? I use salts.”
The bartender shrugs and says, “Sure.”
Later, when the bar is closed, the bartender goes into the bathroom to do the cleaning. He walks into the mens room and see shit all over the place. All over the floor, the walls, even the ceilings.
The next night the same guy goes into the bar. The bartender stops him and says, “Hey, buddy, what the hell kind of salts are you using?”
“Somersaults.”

Jerry just bought his Ferrari. He was feeling pretty darned happy with himself as he sat at a stop light.
An old man putters up on a scooter next to him and whistles. “That’s a nice car you got there, son!” he exclaims. “Is she fast?”
Jerry snorts. “For $190,000 it better be fast!”
The old man asks Jerry if he can take a quick peek at the interior and Jerry agrees. The oldster leans over door taking in the leather interior, the real wood, and everything else that makes a Ferrari a luxury sports car.
When the light turned green Jerry figured he’d show the old man just how fast his new car was. He nailed the accelerator, tires smoked, rubber burned, the V12 screamed in ecstasy.
At around 120MPH he looked in the rear view mirror and saw a dot. And the dot got bigger and bigger. “No way, ” thought Jerry, “that anything else nearby was catching up to his Ferrari!”
But in a moment it was clear, something was. The old man on the scooter. Not only did he catch up to Jerry, but he flew past him!
Amazed, Jerry drove on and saw a dot in the distance. And it got bigger and bigger. “Holy shit!” yelled Jerry. “That old fool is making a second pass!” Sure enough, the old man and his scooter goes screaming past him in the other direction.
When Jerry saw the old man coming up on him again he couldn’t take it anymore and slammed on the brakes. The old man slammed into the back of his Ferrari.
Jerry jumped out of the car and ran to the old man. “You crazy old man! Are you all right? Can I do anything for you?”
“Yeah,” gasped the old guy. “You can unhook my suspender from your side mirror.”

BoBo1946's avatar

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, ” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, ” she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the! theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! !

“You know, ” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? ”
“No, ” she replies. . . . . . ”

Wait for it. .

It’s coming. .

The suspense is killing you, isn’t it?

She says: “You just happen to catch my eye!”

rebbel's avatar

Hilarious, @BoBo1946 !
I really didn’t see it coming.

BoBo1946's avatar

@rebbel glad you enjoy it…it is a corny funny one!

Berserker's avatar

A man named Paul, who’s a medical professional, feels very horrible right…as he just slept with one of his patients. No matter what Paul tries to do, he can’t be rid of the guilt. He feels he has committed an atrocious sin, something which can never be forgiven…he has broken the trust between patient and healer, and is now haunted by his debauched actions…

But there is a little voice within his head which says…’‘Paul, don’t worry about this. Many people have gone through what you’re experiencing, and many more people shall do the same, long after you’re a gone.
What the hell Paul, you’re single, and you only live once…’’

However…there is another, slightly more convincing voice which talks to Paul…

Yeah Paul, that’s all fine and good, but you’re a GODDAMN VETERINARIAN!!

downtide's avatar

Here’s another one:

An Amish family are visiting a shopping mall for the first time, and they are totally amazed by the strange new sights they see around them. The mother stops to look at a shop window while the father and son are watching some people at an elevator. They watch an old woman get into the elevator. The doors close and the light above the door counts the floors 1 – 2 – 3. Then 3 – 2 – 1 as the elevator comes back down again. The doors open and a pretty young woman walks out.

The father looks at the son and says “Son, go fetch your mother.”

rebbel's avatar

He: “What would you do if i won the lottery?”
She: “Take half of the prize money and divorce you.”
He: “Here’s a tenner and there is the door.”

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Question: What’s Irish and sits on your front porch?

Answer: Paddy O’Furniture

BoBo1946's avatar

A baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
“Are you my doctor” he asked?
“Yes, I am”, said the doctor.
The baby said, “Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth”.
He looked at his mother and asked, “Are you my mother”?
“Yes, I am”, said the mother.
“Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born”, he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, “Are you my father”?
“Yes, I am”, his father answered.
The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. “Hurts doesn’t it?”

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