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Heroworks's avatar

Angry feelings at best friend, an inferiority complex?

Asked by Heroworks (130points) July 28th, 2010

OK here goes, I suppose I should first describe my friend and then why I feel so crappy around him and others. My best friend is confident, happy, and the life of every social gathering. I love to hang out with him, but he acts smug at times and has a subtle way of telling me all the time that he is great at anything he tries to pick up. For example, I broke a finger on my left hand a long time ago and can’t snap my fingers on that hand, when I told him that I couldn’t snap my fingers on said hand he just stared at me with a cocky look and said that he thought it was so stupid of me to not be able to do such a simple act. I then spent next 2 hours trying in vain to snap my fingers on that hand. I try to better myself at everything I do, so I hate that I feel so inferior to him when he does his alpha male thing. He is a good person, but I honestly think he believes he has no flaws and when I hang out with him sometimes I just feel like I’m worthless and can’t do anything right. So I just wanted to not feel like this anymore, any suggestions guys?

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19 Answers

chyna's avatar

Find a new best friend. Life is too short to feel inferior to someone that doesn’t care about you.

Coloma's avatar

Yes, no one should put up with feeling criticized or put down by a ‘friend.’

sinscriven's avatar

What you see as a “good friend” looks to be just a prick in my eyes.

No worthwhile friend lets their friends feel inferior. There are much better people than this that don’t have self-esteem issues, find them and don’t let yourself live in someone else’s shadow.

perspicacious's avatar

Find a new best friend and do your homework.

augustlan's avatar

Does this guy go out of his way to make you feel like this, or does it just come naturally? I mean, does he put you down overtly or are you just perceiving it that way? You have to decide where the problem lies… is it him, or is it you? If it’s him, I agree with the answers up there ^^. If not, then it’s time to do some work on yourself. What we need to remember is not to measure ourselves against anyone else’s yardstick. Figure out who you are and own it. Get comfortable in your own skin. Some counseling might help with that.

stardust's avatar

I think you deserve better friends. I’m sure he’s caring and a good person – we all are, somewhere inside. If after being in his company, you come away feeling down about yourself, I say walk away. You can start by spending less time with him.

SufiClown's avatar

First and Foremost, you need to understand that there is no point having a “friend” who doesn’t act like one. A friend isn’t supposed to make you feel inferior, just the opposite actually.He is supposed to pick you up when you are feeling that way. So I guess you need to come clean with him and tell him your issues. However, you should also start feeling comfortable in your skin because every person you meet, he’ll be better than you at something or the other,so you can’t go on feeling inferior. You need to sort out whether other people are making you feel inferior or you are choosing to feel so yourself.

partyparty's avatar

A true friend wouldn’t act like this towards you. They can’t be a good friend acting in this way.
Go out and find someone else.

Shegrin's avatar

He thinks it’s “stupid” that you broke your finger? That’s no friend in my book.

Cruiser's avatar

You are not alone…I don’t know of one single person who can feel good hanging around arrogant pompous asses! Find a new friend more your style and try using one of your other fingers to snap with. Not to brag, but I can snap real good with either ring or middle finger and do just OK with pinky and index fingers. Keep practicing and show up Mr. Brag ass when you get good!

CMaz's avatar

Yes, you have a inferiority complex.
Needing overbearing asses to to keep you in your inferior place.
What you are both calling it is not friendship, but a form of co-dependency.

Find a REAL friend.

wundayatta's avatar

Sounds like a self-esteem issue to me. You don’t feel good about yourself and you’ve chosen a best friend who will help you continue to feel that way. If you work on yourself (therapy?), you’ll find that the better you feel about yourself, the less time you’ll be spending with him. You’ll have other, more compassionate friends by then.

Scooby's avatar

Go with the first answer at the top of the page! it’s all you need to know :-/

lillycoyote's avatar

I think @ChazMaz hit the nail on the head. It’s less of a friendship than it is a co-dependent relationship. He needs you to feel superior. Snapping his fingers? That’s all he’s got? And you… spending two hours trying to snap your fingers even though you know you can’t do it because of a prior injury to your hands, just because he made you feel bad? Not good. Find friends who lift you up instead of one’s who push you down.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

Life is too damn short to be spent with “friends” (is that even what this person is?) who don’t support you. He needs you to feed his ego. You need a more egallitarian relationship.

You know…you do deserve better.

Pandora's avatar

I’m curious as to why you considered him a best friend in the first place. There must be a reason that you find what he thinks as valuable.
Is he really cocky or is it an amusing kind of cocky. Like I will occassionally tell my husband how great I am when I’m right about something. However this is done in an amusing way and always makes him crack a smile.
Is he being this way because he means to belittle you in some way to feel great, or is he doing it simply out of ignorance or amusement.
An example would be that most people wouldn’t take being able to snap your fingers together as a really big deal. Its not like some girl is going to run for the hills the moment they learn you can’t snap your fingers.
He might’ve done it simply because he can’t believe you would think it a big deal.
Now if he does other things to be malicious than dump him.
If he is simply just oblivious than you may want to clue him in and see where the chips fall.

Ludy's avatar

i used to feel like that…. and then i stoped hanging out with people :D , no really i did

Jabe73's avatar

Yes I brought this point up before. Just because some people are outgoing, confident, optimistic and happy it doesn’t mean they are decent people to hang with or to be friends with. This person will only continue to feed off of your insecurities to boost their own “confidence” up. Get away from this person fast! Find someone new to hang with. In fact even having no friends is better than being around these types of people! Been there done that.

Ludy's avatar

preach preach!!! i call that kind of people: energie vampires, the feed from your feelings

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