General Question

HotAsIce911's avatar

How can I tell my friends about the older man I'm dating?

Asked by HotAsIce911 (156points) July 31st, 2010

I’ve gone on dates with older guys before and one of the first times I told a few of my close friends. When they asked me his age and I answered truthfully I got a less than positive response. Now I’m going on a date with this guy, I’m 18 and he’s 30, and of course I want to tell my friends, but I’m not sure how to go about it.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

26 Answers

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

Tell them the truth, and if they’re mature-minded enough, they won’t think a thing about it. It’s not really any of their business anyway. If they voice disapproval, thank them for their concern and move on.

MacBean's avatar

What about introducing him to them first? That way he’ll be an actual human being to them instead of just a bunch of personal stats.

UScitizen's avatar

Why do you need approval from these alleged “friends.” Make your own life decisions. Let them deal with the course you choose for your life.

Seek's avatar

Be prepared for that to last a while.

Men generally get a really bad rap if they date a younger woman, and the woman is viewed as some sort of victim to a crime she doesn’t realise is being committed.

You’re 18 years old – legally an adult capable of making your own decisions. It’s your responsibility to make sure you’re making the right ones. There are some great older guys in the world – I married one of them – but there are a lot that will take advantage of a younger girl. You need to be on your toes. If you ever feel like you’re being spoken down to, if he’s being condescending, if your age comes up in an argument… he is obviously not viewing you as his equal, and that is a sign to get the hell out.

That said, good luck with your relationship. I hope it goes well for you. Let your friends meet him, before you start discussing birthdays.

cheebdragon's avatar

Use words to form sentences….?

If you need to fear your friends reaction to this, you may want to consider finding new friends. Are you sure you are mature enough for a relationship?

saraaaaaa's avatar

I don’t think the case is finding new friends here. This is something they may react to at first but they will accept and deal with it because that’s what you want, just as you may do the same. Just be assured in your decision, and in the guy, but most of all be honest with them.
Our friends can sometimes be our harshest critics, and I don’t find it strange or immature to be slightly fearful of the reaction of people you care about as they are who matters most, especially when as earlier mentioned this is somewhat of a taboo situation.

partyparty's avatar

I agree with @MacBean. Introduce him to your friends first. There really isn’t a necessity to tell them his age.
Let them get to know him, and if and when his age is mentioned, then tell them the truth.
If you are happy with the relationship then your friends should be happy for you.

BoBo1946's avatar

None of their business who you date. If they are a friend, they will support you and your decisions!

CaptainHarley's avatar

Jeeze! That’s not “older!” When I was 53, I was living with an 18 year old woman! Sheesh!

john65pennington's avatar

Age difference makes no difference. being happy, laughing and having fun with each other is the name of the game. i use to believe that men and women should be no more than three years apart, when dating or becoming married to each other. being in police work has changed all of those ideas altogether. today, age difference and skin color makes no difference.

Be truthful with your friends. let them observe how happy you two are together.

They will only be jealous.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

You know I just don’t get what is up people’s asses when they respond ‘less than positively’ to hearing that their friends are dating someone who’s older. If they are real friends, there will be no issue. I just don’t get it.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Heroworks's avatar

I applaud your maturity…but it kind of feels like this guy is robbing the cradle a bit… =)
Anywho, just talk to your friends about the situation and be honest, if they are your friends they will understand and accept the situation.

Seek's avatar


That phrase is neither accurate nor helpful, and every woman who dates an older man has heard it more times than she should have to.

The OP is 18 years old – legally an adult. How you feel is irrelevant.

Justnice's avatar

Just say you’re dating this guy and you really like him and he’s a cool person. And say that you want them to meet him. I’m 22 and I was dating a 40 year old and when I told my friends, they’d be like “what’s wrong with you?” but then they would meet him and they would feel better about it. They would see that it’s only numbers. But if you really like this guy anyway, you shouldn’t worry what they think

JLeslie's avatar

I think @Seek_Kolinahr had a great answer. She left off one thing I would add, I worry sometimes that older men who are attracted to 18 year olds will always be attracted to very young women. Which would mean when you are 27, he is looking for the new 18 year old. Of course this is not always true, just a fear of mine. It is not so much the age difference, it is that you are 18. The difference between an 18 year old woman and a 30 year old woman is typically vast on many levels, physically, life experience, frame of reference, of course this is not always true, but usually is. I admit to being a little skepticle at first. If you were 28 and he was 40, it would be less of an issue in my mind. But, as your friend, I would meet him with the openist mind possible, give him a chance, and wish every happiness to you and your relationship.

Seek's avatar


I didn’t mention that for a very good reason:

I think in a way we are all still attracted to the type of person we were all first attracted to. Think of all the 45 year old Twilight fangirls that drool over Taylor Lautner.

Being attracted to a particular type doesn’t mean one will ditch their long-term relationship in search of that archetype. Being a self-absorbed dickhead makes people leave their relationships for their archetype.

CaptainHarley's avatar

My first wife was just a few months younger than me. My second wife is 15 years younger than me. When I was single, I dated women from my own age on down. I learned the hard way that looks mean little or nothing. It’s intellect, personality, and commonality of experience that make all the difference, regardless of age or virtually anything else.

YARNLADY's avatar

I don’t see why you would introduce him any differently than any other boyfriend. Are you ashamed of him or something?

CaptainHarley's avatar


Whoa! Great answer! : D

Linda_Owl's avatar

As long as you are happy with the individual you are dating – what difference does it make? Do you allow your ‘friends’ to choose whom you can date? If your friends cannot be accepting of your choice in whom you date, then possibly they are not actually your ‘friends’.

JLeslie's avatar

@Seek_Kolinahr I did not mean to imply that you would agree with me on that. Sorry if it came out that way. I only meant that I agreed with your points and I would add the physical thing. I agree with you that no assumption should be made that he would definitely dump a long term relationship. It is just something that I think is a possibility in the situation I don’t think it is a hard and fast rule.

JLeslie's avatar

@CaptainHarley So are you saying or admitting that the reason you wanted to date younger women was because of how they looked? Purely physical? Do you think most men who date younger women are primarily with a younger women because of how they look? I realize it is possible to find a younger woman who also matches in intellect and interests and experience, but just wondering?

CaptainHarley's avatar

My first wife and I had parted company after about 30 years of marriage, during which I was totally faithful to her. I went kind of crazy for awhile, and my criteria for dating were a lot different than my criteria for longer-term relationships.

JLeslie's avatar

@CaptainHarley Well, I think you make a good point that dating citeria is sometimes different than marriage criteria. The problem possibly with very young women, is they make assumptions sometimes about how serious things are. This can happen at any age and any gender, but I think young women are especially vulnerable to those feelings.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther