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zenele's avatar

How do you finalize your arguments and "fights"?

Asked by zenele (8252points) August 10th, 2010

Of course it depends on the situation and the person involved, but what do you do when you’ve had an argument?

Do you try to make up?

Do you just let it go and pick up where you left off before the fight?

Do you walk away, never looking back?

Do you find that you react similarly in real life and here, in fluther, or on the net – where you are “anonymous”?

Do you philosophize about it: if we had a little fight and can’t make up – then it probably was a loose foundation to begin with?

Sorry seems to be the hardest word?

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25 Answers

MissA's avatar

I don’t like to go to bed upset. And, at this point in life, I really don’t find much to argue about. Most things truly aren’t worth it.

Letting it go isn’t the hardest thing.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I deal with whatever’s bothering me as soon as it comes up – generally, I write letters if I’m too angry to speak. Mostly, I like to get my point across and try to not antagonize the issue unless it’s a person I don’t care about – then they’ll wish they were dead.

chyna's avatar

It would depend on who I was fighting with. If with a S/O, I usually try to make up.
Same if it is with a family member. If it’s with a friend, I guess it would depend on what it was over, whose fault it was. I really hate being mad at anyone though and hate for them to be mad at me. I’ve only been in one semi argument with someone on fluther, and I guess we have sort of made up. We still kind of speak to each other, and I’ll give him a GA now and then.

JLeslie's avatar

I like to make up. If it is with someone close to me, I like to feel as though we talked about it enough that we understand where each otherr is coming from, and have worked it out so that a fight is unlikely to happen again on the same topic. I am a little more hot tempered in real liife than on fluther I think; but, not very hot. Probably because It is easier for me to get my feelings hurt in real life. I don’t hold grudges much, so letting it go once things have settled down is pretty easy for me.

zenele's avatar

I think men and women are very different about this. I remember reading about this when I took a psychology class, and then during my divorce, we had to act out and re-enact all kinds of situations which ultimately showed us how very differently we both responded to pressure.

Notice how the first four answers here are by women? Not a coincidence I think. Women are more in touch with their emotions, especially strong ones. I remember one woman whom I had a fight with about a serious issue – and she just wouldn’t leave me be. Later she explained that she absolutely couldn’t stand the thought of someone hating her.

I have found that I am different online and in real life. I don’t have to be friends with everyone, that goes for both. Actually, I am a quite private person and would rather have fewer friends. I like one on one chats. I do not like crowds.

If I fight with someone I care about in real life – I do think it’s important to “put it to bed” at some point. If this happens here, with someone I care about (and I have known some jellies for many years, dating back to before Fluther) I would expect the same.

But I feel that there is an unbearable lightness of so-called anonimity – which allows for people to say what they want, and never apologize.

zenele's avatar

I’m getting aroused.

zenele's avatar

True. She started it.

I’m flogging flagging your asses for off-topic.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I give it time and try to look at the problem from as many angles as possible. Usually it’s just letting out steam and then you can talk like a rational person again. I had a problem last night and that’s all it took to make stuff right again.

chyna's avatar

So you had to finish it? How old are you?

zenele's avatar

I’m 5, Astro’s 6. Everybody knows that. And look: your answers are still there. But does your tushy hurt?

Steve_A's avatar

I walk away and don’t look back. Pretty much what I’ve done to this point in my life. I imagine taking this route won’t be good or viable forever. It works for now…

zenele's avatar

^ For now.

phil196662's avatar

The wife and I just meet in the middle and move on to whatever sex sounds good!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

So far I don’t have any online tizzies but irl the there are two scenarios.

1.) Cold Angry Bed (I hate this one) where I lay facing opposite my partner, hemming and hawing while he hems and haws and we both kick our feet around the blankets.

2.) We hug close and tell each other we’re going to get through the crap and it’s better to speak up than seethe.

zenele's avatar

@phil196662 Best (married couple’s) answer ever!

perspicacious's avatar

When something bothers me I gather my thoughts and bring it up without waiting very long. Why wait? But I don’t always say something immediately either. I want to be sure I’m not just tired or being silly. As far as finalizing, hopefully after talking whatever the misunderstanding was (and that’s the most common thing that happens) is now understood and that’s it. I neither have nor want arguing and drama in my life. If a relationship is saddled with it, it’s not the right one for me.

wundayatta's avatar

It’s very, very, very difficult for me to fight. Fighting is always disastrous. It ends up with someone being kicked out of the house. The consequences of a fight last a lifetime and can never be forgotten.

It is much better to discuss things and to truly listen to the other person and to try to understand the other person’s point of view and then negotiate a reasonable solution to the problem. It is best to try to head off a fight at all costs. It is better to apologize or back down, even if you think you are right, than to allow it to escalate to a fight. A fight is the end of a relationship. Period.

Berserker's avatar

No matter how hardcore I make myself out to be, I’m a wuss, and I get sacred by people, especially when they’re pissed at me. I usually just leave it alone. Not because I hold grudges, far from it, but because I don’t enjoy conflict.
On the Internet it barely matters to me, because there are so many people I’ll never truly know, that sometimes I wonder if it’s worth trying to make amends and patch shit up. I try harder in real life though.

zenele's avatar

And when Fluther is your real life…?

phil196662's avatar

@zenele – Life is too short to argue besides a screaming orgasm is more satisfying then a screaming argument!

zenele's avatar

Oh, baby.

bob_'s avatar


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