Social Question

JLeslie's avatar

What changed as you got older?

Asked by JLeslie (55346points) August 12th, 2010

I am not talking about physical changes.

I am wondering about your philosophy on life?
Did you become more or less religious?
Did your view of of your parents change?
Did your view on parenting change?
How your perceive your own childhood?
Friendships?
Relationships?
Your personality?

And, anything else you can think of.

Let us know at what age you saw these changes develop.

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34 Answers

Jude's avatar

Less concerned of what others think of me. If I’m happy and not hurting anyone; that’s fine with me.

Why hold back? Live a little. My Mom on her deathbed “Speak up. Do what makes you happy. It’s (life) too short.’’

ucme's avatar

When I became a father.That just changes everything right there, for the better I might add.

Trillian's avatar

My perspectives have changed. Things have lost the urgency and immediacy that they had when I was younger. I take many things a lot less seriously. I have questioned my faith and beliefs that I was given as a child.
I take other things more seriously, such as ethics and the kind of person that I want to be. My attitude about sexuality is much different and I place more value on myself than I used to. I am more discriminating about with whom I spend my time and on whom I spend my affection.
I also view my relationship with my children differently. I’ve learned to let go.
I accept less of what I don’t want in my life and compromise less about what I will accept from a relationship. I’m not afraid to be alone as opposed to being unhappy with someone.
I’m also less concerned with what others think. I don’t feel the need to seek approval and am more inclined to voice my censure if asked.
I have a different set of goals at this point and am more sure of making them happen than I did when I was younger.

iWitch's avatar

A lot has changed since I was was younger. I suffer from a very bad memory that I as of yet have been unable to diagnose, but there are somethings that I recognize from my childhood. In middle school, I suffered from clinical depression and suicidal thoughts. I hated the world around me and I just wanted to leave it. I was afraid of the dark so instead of being terrified of the monsters in the night, I’d wish that they would come and get me. Now, I’m seventeen, and while pieces of my clinical depression still stay with me, I don’t want to die, and I think my life is precious, and a gift from the Earth and my mother’s womb.

My view of my parents… has been very difficult throughout my life. They are drug addicts and have abused alcohol and narcotics since before I was born. This has made my life more difficult than it needed to be and to this day, I’m unsure of what I think of them.

I don’t think my personality has changed very much. I’m been an introvert my entire life and I dislike myself. Nothing has changed. I don’t talk much unless I’m comfortable. I’m argumentative. The only thing that has really changed is that I’ve stopped lying (or at least cut down on it) and I’ve matured into the ability to pick my battles wisely. My friendships haven’t changed very much either. I get to keep them for a little while and then I lose them because I grow out of them.

I view my childhood as a painful experience that made me the person I am today, and as much as I dislike her, she’s strong, intelligent, and makes good decisions. She works on herself and makes real changes when they need to be made.

I started out mildly Christian, ended up strictly Catholic, converted to a mild Baptist, flipped into a Wiccan, tried being an Pagan, toyed with Buddhism, and finally decided that it wasn’t worth it and settled on atheism.

The most important thing that has changed since I was a child is that, as I touched on earlier, life is worth every struggle to me now and I’m excited to live my life.

wundayatta's avatar

I became less tolerant of my parent’s inability to speak about emotions and of my father’s judgmentalism. I changed some of my views about politics due to a greater understanding of economics. I became both more confident and horribly less confident about my abilities and worth. I learned how to still my linguistic mind so I could have a more direct interaction with the world. My philosophy has changed—it has become more nuanced and mutable, I think. I grow more aware of all the things that affect my ideas and how quickly they can be affected. I suppose I could go on and on, but I’ll stop there, for now.

CMaz's avatar

Making effort has changed.

Society has too much of a quick fix Mahantra.

Austinlad's avatar

I once read the the qualities that we have now are the ones we were born with and developed before the age of 5. I believe that. For example, I react to many situations in exactly the same way as I did when I was much younger. The difference today is, I’ve learned over the years how to recognize that and modify my reaction outwardly. I have changed in many ways, too. Physically, of course. And I’ve bcome more patient, less roller-coaster in my emotional behavior, wiser, happier, and I think more comfortable with who I am.

IchtheosaurusRex's avatar

Over the years, I have become more pragmatic and less idealistic than I was in my 20s. I can’t say that my values have changed any. It still bothers me to read stuff like this, and I don’t mind it when people call me a “Bleeding Heart”. Better a bleeding heart than no heart at all.

I was an irreligious person from my late teens up through my mid-50’s and for the most part, I still am. As a younger man, I might have proclaimed myself an atheist if I’d cared enough to take a position on it. Since my daughter’s birth, I’ve started asking myself questions again – but they’re my business, no one else’s. That’s all I’ll say about religion on Fluther.

I still love both of my parents, and I miss them terribly.

I had no insightful views on parenting until it happened to me, then I had no clue! I’m still learning. I’ll get back to you on that one…

Childhood: I survived it.

Friendships: few, and treasured.

Relationships: I have been married to the same woman for 13 years now. As to before then – I’m glad that’s over.

My personality: I’m good with it. I don’t expect others to be, but it’s nice when they are.

Seek's avatar

My philosophy on life is in a constant state of flux.
I have become less religious. What respect I once had for my mother is long gone (though looking back I’m noticing how small of a figure she was in my life as a whole). I wouldn’t say that I respect my father more, but I empathise with his situation more. I still hope to see him again someday, but I hold little hope that it will happen.

My parenting views have changed dramatically. Five years ago, my son would have been “dedicated” to the church, and would have been forced into submission of spending three nights a week in stone silence on a pew. Now he comes with me to concerts and rocks out with the best of them. Whereas I once thought kids should be trained to act like small adults, I now think that he should have the right to the childhood I never really had.

My own childhood was… borderline tragic, I think. From a very young age I had way too many responsibilities. I started managing the household at eight years old, basically raised my little sister (only six years younger than me), tried to mentor my brother (two years younger)... I cooked, cleaned, taught kids to read and tie their shoes, nurse-maided my stepfather who dramatically overplayed a herniated disk in his back for about five years… I even had to be a mediator when my mom and stepdad got into fights. At 12 and 13, I was a marriage counselor. I mourn for my childhood.

Friendships are something I was never very good at for various reasons. I’m working on it now. I have one close friend, and am looking forward to trying my hand at other friendships.

My personality. Wow. Vastly different. I am literally a different person than I was five years ago. And that, friends, is a very good thing.

CMaz's avatar

@IchtheosaurusRex – Yes, pragmatic and less idealistic. Right on!

jca's avatar

when i was younger i used to want to be out all the time. now i’m happy in the house. also, i used to play music constantly when i was home. now, almost never in the house (not very deep changes, but without thinking those are two lifestyle ones).

janbb's avatar

I’m on vacation so not going to write extensively but I’d have to say the biggest change is that I’ve begun to like and accept myself the way I am. Not that I neve beat myself up for anything any more, but not all the time.

J0E's avatar

I’m much more laid back and relaxed. My religious beliefs have diminshed. View of my parents has worsened, which gives me a different view on how I would be a parent. I still believe I had a good childhood. I’m friends with better people, and have good relationships. My personality hasn’t changed much for a while, but that’s a good thing, I like it.

If you knew me five years ago you wouldn’t recognize me at all.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I’m more mellow about the things I can’t change, more angry at those that hurt others, and less tolernt of lousy drivers. I still love my hard rock, but I listen to everything now.

downtide's avatar

I’ve become more of an optimist. I used to be the most pessimistic person alive, but I figured out eventually that things are very rarely as bad as I expect. So I just stopped worrying about them.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I’ve become less judgemental of people’s bad points, whereas from earliest childhood to well in my 30s I was convinced that almost all people were were assholes by conscious choice. I learned that regardless of the type of behaviour, it’s in order to get their (conscious or unconscious) needs met.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Jude's avatar

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

I agree %100.

kess's avatar

I spin around in the cycle of existence and non existence called time. each circle within the cycle give me more insight about the reality of myself. until that day my realization would cause me to escape this cycle in live in the fullness and purity of Life. for I am Life itself.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I no longer feel a need to impress anyone or leave a mark on the world. I don’t need anyone’s approval of how I live my life. I’m more able to relate socially to others, but find little desire to, except for one special person.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I have become far more comfortable being who I am. I seldom get angry about anything. I find myself being far more tolerant of the mistakes others might make.I have a more highly developed sense of humor. It’s easier for me to see more facets to philosophical differences, and to discussions. I am much more compassionate and loving.

BoBo1946's avatar

Ummm…some good things and some bad. I’m more stable and happier with myself, but some of my parts are “not up to snuff!”

faye's avatar

I could almost have written @Trillian‘s answer. I would have to add that I am more intolerant of fools and idiots and refuse to put up with behavior that upsets me. I am finally, at 56, thinking about myself first sometimes!!

CaptainHarley's avatar

Yayyy @faye ! You GO, girl! : ))

Aster's avatar

I am much less apt to make a judgment about a person based on appearance. You can’t tell a book by it’s cover. I’ve learned that the past few years. I am more patient with people. I realize we can’t help the way we are in many cases. I’ve become much more spiritual than I ever was. I’ve discovered material things have no bearing on how happy we are but few wish to give them up. I have a less idealistic view of my father but I now understand why my parents were the way they were on many levels. I’ve become obsessive regarding health and longevity. I’ve forgiven my ex and wish to be distant friends. I notice and love what Nature offers but never had even noticed trees; now I could be a tree hugger. Instead of anger I now lean more towards compassion but have a lot of work to do on that.
I hope to keep learning and searching for truth.

Ron_C's avatar

When I was young I was a hot tempered Republican. Now I’m a “warm tempered” Liberal.

When I was young I worried that someone would be better than me at work, now I am trying to find that person.

When I was young I lost my mother and loved and feared my dad, now I just love my dad.

When I was young, I demanded strict obedience from my children, now I realize how fortunate I am that they though for themselves and learned how to bend my rules.

When I was young I was always trying to lose weight, now I realize that I actually have weight to lose.

When I was young, I thought that my wife is a hero and the best person in the world, now I know that I was right.

Vunessuh's avatar

When I was little I wanted to work with animals or children. I went from wanting to be a veterinarian to a teacher to a waitress (like my mother) to taking care of animals at the zoo, to a chef.
I ended up working in the entertainment industry as a screenwriter. wtf.

When I was little my dad would make me say a prayer before dinner and before bed. I didn’t really understand why, but I guess I felt like I needed to believe in God for him.
By 5th grade I knew I was an Atheist. I think I knew sooner than that, but I didn’t know what to call myself. I just knew I didn’t believe in God from a very young age.

The views on my mother unfortunately changed. I use to have nothing but love and admiration for her, and while I still adore her, I came to several realizations that permanently lessoned a lot of the positive views I had of her. This has been one of the hardest issues to overcome, but I’m working on it.
Actually, my views over the years have gone from loving her to death, to hating the fact that we lived under the same roof, to having incredible admiration for who she is, to now just being flat out disappointed, disgusted and hurt. But ahhhh, life goes on…

When I was in high school, I was really depressed. I had a negative attitude/outlook on a lot of shit and struggled to find the good in people.
Now, my perspective on people, myself and life in general is much more positive. Sometimes I still struggle with my own self-esteem, but my optimism and happiness overall has improved tremendously and I’ve managed to rediscover the beauty in my surroundings/environment and with the people in my life.

I’ve grown to love myself a lot more, however, I am self-conscious over my physical appearance.
It’s quite weird actually, how that all changed. I grew up rarely having any personal issues with my look. If I did, I would get over it quickly. However, about 3 years ago, I gained a bit of weight and people would notice and make comments. After that, it was like a switch flipped and I was suddenly overly-self-conscious about how I appeared to other people. I lost the weight, but I still fret often about my stomach and waist size, mainly. It sucks and it’s very unlike me.

Aside from all of that, my bullshit detector is a lot stronger and I trust my instincts way more often. Within the past 2 years or so, I’ve also solidly discovered my purpose in life and if anyone has experienced this, you know how much this discovery can change your life. It was an epiphany of sorts and since it happened, I’ve been working hard to fulfill it.

YARNLADY's avatar

I discovered I’m in control of how I feel. No one can make me angry or make me happy, I choose how I’m going to feel, and I choose to be happy.

Jabe73's avatar

I am wondering about your philosophy on life? Less materialistic and being more appreciative on the simple things I used to take for granted (loosing most of your family in a short time period will do that).

Did you become more or less religious? Far less religious and more spiritual, my belief in god is more powerful than ever before.

Did your view of of your parents change? No.

Did your view on parenting change? I’m not a parent yet.

How your perceive your own childhood? Not too different.

Friendships? Less but more closer friends as I“ve gotten older.

Relationships? I date less but take it more seriously.

Your personality? I’m still a very serious person but I have acquired a sense of humor as I’ve gotten older.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I don’t think I ever really had a philosophy on life until I entered my 20s (I’m 26, now) – my life was always tumultuous, I suppose: my childhood was split in three very different countries (Azerbaijan, Russia and the U.S.) and that certainly has wrought many changes in myself. When I was little, I was the model Communist student and I thought wonders about my mother (my father was never involved, in my perception) – when I was taken to the U.S., I became a much more lonely, melancholy child and entered the teenage years with angst and rifts between my parents and myself…in high school, I wanted to do it all and to help others do it all but I was a slave to the Cosmo! idea of a seductress and I chased men and took them prisoner like it was my job and I loved the attention…I knew I had substance but didn’t know how it would manifest itself…once I broke free of Brooklyn and of the Russian background, so to speak and got myself to NYU in the city, I learned quickly about the world, what kind of people are out there and what diversity exists in terms of people’s identities…I began to gain momentum in figuring out my own self…

Life has always been intense no matter what angle I consider…I grew up with atheist parents but a Christian grandmother and as I’ve shared previously, I wanted to be christened but wasn’t allowed by my parents..I am glad for this now..I dabbled in witchcraft and grey magick and now I’m an atheist…however, I feel very much plugged into the universe and powerful because of it…Since the original rift with my parents at around 13 years of age, things never got better…I really disagreed with many of their viewpoints especially the gendered household and the need to ‘not cause too much trouble’ and ‘only care for one’s family’..I always wanted something more, something bigger, I knew I could do something greater than what they planned for me…my father is gone now, so are a lot of my family members that shaped me (especially my brother and paternal grandmother) but I continue to live my life for love and my children and justice…Because I am an activist and my parents weren’t, my views on parenting are different – my responsibility to my children includes raising socially minded individuals who will contribute to the world or at the very least reduce their harmful effect on it…I raise my boys without limits of gender in that they can do and wear and say and act whatever and however they want and this household will always accept them as they are as long as they continue to stay true to themselves…I raise them to care about fairness and accepting everyone and that they’re no better than anyone else out there and that they’re a whole hell of a lot more privileged.

mattbrowne's avatar

That coping with imperfection is far more important than trying to achieve perfection.

le_inferno's avatar

I’ve gained more confidence. I’m a lot less insecure than I was when I was younger and I’m a lot less intimidated by people. I have begun to question my religious upbringing and to think in different ways.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I’ve learned to “fake” neurologically normal behavior in most situations. By avoiding unstructured F2F social situations, I can hide my autism fairly well.

Ron_C's avatar

@stranger_in_a_strange_land I read an article that said that it is possible that the major technological leaps of mankind were made by people with autism. It said that people like Tesla and Edison were likely high functioning autistics.The credited their ability to screen out distractions, high intelligence, and mild obsessive compulsive tendencies are what make an innovative scientist.

Maybe you are or will be one of the people that lead us to new technological heights. Now I understand the screen name of Stranger in a Strange land.

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