Social Question

qashqai's avatar

Love @ the office drama.

Asked by qashqai (2465points) September 12th, 2010

Person A (I will call him Jack) is a 28 years old junior associate at a consulting firm in New York (but that’s not essential information). He is single, and he fell in love with Miranda two years ago.

Person B (I will call her Miranda) is a 30 years old senior associate in the same consulting firm (thus, on selected projects, she is Jack’s boss/supervisor). She is living a 10 year relationship with her boyfriend (he’s 3–4 years older than her), so they’ve been together since she was 20 and they moved to live together one year ago.

Jack and Miranda started to work together a couple of years ago. For Jack it was love at first sight. She knows it because last may he got completely wasted during the firm’s retreat and he revealed his feelings (but that’s another story).
In these two years they got very close. She tries to assign him in all her projects, and when they are not working together she calls ¾ times per day (just to know how he’s going, or so she says). They obviously started texting and e-mailing. He replies all her calls and messages, but it’s kind of weird since many (if not all) times the conversation turns on their relationship and he knows she has boyfriend and they live together.
Miranda acts strange. She is jealous of Jack, she worries if he doesn’t reply her calls, she always wants to be close to him but at the same time she avoids talking about her feelings for him. (e.g. Jack asked her many times what does she exactly want from him and she wasn’t able to answer). She says Jack understand her better than anyone else and that’s why she is always looking for his point of view. She texts him in the middle of the night saying that she’s missing him when they don’t see each other, but she always stops one or two inches before the line that separates ‘colleague that became good friend’ and something more.

On the other hand, Jack loves talking with her and discovered she is a really good friend to have beside. Of course he hates this situation and he would love something more but he feels that acting (in either way) may ruin something beautiful.

Next week they are heading to London together (they will stay there a couple of weeks for a project).

What is Jack supposed to do?

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17 Answers

BarnacleBill's avatar

Jack should recognize that Miranda is in love with the idea of Jack being in love with her. It makes her feel desirable, and adds excitement to her life. If Miranda is still living with the boyfriend, then Jack should do nothing, unless Miranda makes all the moves. Miranda has more to lose than Jack in this case; he has already lost his heart.

Cruiser's avatar

Jack needs to decide if pursuing anything with Miranda is worth losing his job over.

chyna's avatar

This sounds like the movie “Two Weeks Notice” with Sandra Bullock. He needs to find another job and get away from her if he wants his life back. Otherwise, he will be chasing this woman who is stringing him along for years to come.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

What should Jack do? It depends upon what he wants short-term or long-term. Time with her in another city away from their regular life can easily lead to something more romantic if the feeling is mutual. That doesn’t guarantee that Miranda will not revert back to a more platonic, albeit flirtatious, relationship once back home.

I don’t know how it works in other companies, but in the one I worked for, it is always the supervisor that gets fired for having a romantic relationship with a direct report and not the subordinate, no matter what their gender is. Miranda may be in the same situation, which is why she is keeping a sexual distance.

If Jack was to be wise, IMHO, he would keep it platonic until Miranda expressed her desire to be with him and leave the boyfriend.

wundayatta's avatar

Let me get this straight. Jack (I think I’ll call him Richard, if it’s all the same to you) has been with Miranda (I’ll call her Jane) for two years and they still havn’t fucked? What? Is he saving it for marriage? Jane’s boyfriend hasn’t noticed anything?

See Jane look. Jane likes Dick. Run Dick, run! Dick sees Jane. Dick does not run. Dick and Jane kiss in the road.

Oh look! See the big lorry! Oh noooooo!

marinelife's avatar

If I were Jack, I would leave and find another job.

Miranda has her cake is eating it too. Plus, she has an unbalanced relationship in which she holds all the power over Jack.

She is cheating on her significant other. Mentally and emotionally.

chyna's avatar

@marinelife always says it better. ^Wish I’d said it that way.

Trillian's avatar

@marinelife said it with less vitriol than I would have and avoided calling Miranda the name that is ringing in my ears even now. Does Jack not realize that he is a chump and that if Miranda cheats on her S/O with him she will treat him in the same cavalier way? And yes, this is definitely cheating.
Jack is a dope and should go for it with Miranda because for him it is the thrill of the chase and the forbidden fruit. Let him catch it and eat it. He’ll get tired of it soon enough and drop her like a bag of dirt. In the meantime they can entertain the rest of the office with their antics which I’m sure Miranda feels that no one can see but of course she is mistaken.
Ahhhh London. What a backdrop for such a steamy, sordid seduction. I can’t wait for the next installment. Please keep us posted.
PS @gallileogirl, is that you?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I see an explosion getting ready to happen. The aftermath won’t be pretty for anyone.

qashqai's avatar

Thank you all for your precious opinions.

As @BarnacleBill I think that Miranda is just in love with the idea of Jack being in love with her.
I do not think she is cheating on her SO. After all you can say ‘I miss you’ to any of your close friends, if you are sincere and you feel his/her absence (without any other sexual feelings involved). And Jack had very clear her situation from the very beginning so it is only his fault if now he can barely stand it (that’s my opinion and that’s what I have told him, realizing later that maybe I was to hard with him).

I also think that if Miranda finds something in Jack is because she doesn’t find it in her SO. And that a plus for Jack, who takes as always all the blames but should be happy to have something special in her eyes.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Jack should know his worth and right now he’s not doing a great job of it – but he, too, is a player in this drama because he can but doesn’t want to remove himself from this person so he’s implicit in this ‘stringing along’ she’s doing with him. He obviously doesn’t care that she’s got a boyfriend but she should.

Trillian's avatar

“She texts him in the middle of the night saying that she’s missing him when they don’t see each other, but she always stops one or two inches before the line that separates ‘colleague that became good friend’ and something more.”
“I do not think she is cheating on her SO. After all you can say ‘I miss you’ to any of your close friends, if you are sincere and you feel his/her absence (without any other sexual feelings involved)”

Which is it?

chyna's avatar

@Trillian Yeah, I agree. I don’t wake up in the middle of the night and text my best friend Peggy that I miss her. If I did, she would think I was crazy and dump me as a friend.

BarnacleBill's avatar

She’s cheating on her SO. Acting on her fantasy is only the last step.

MissAnthrope's avatar

Miranda is playing him, whether she knows that’s what she’s doing or not. She has got this situation locked in precisely how she likes, it’s all on her terms so she has all the power, and Jack is just playing along. What Miranda is doing fits my definition of cheating and I would throw a fit if I discovered my girlfriend was behaving that way. I also think that the fact of Miranda doing this to such a long-term boyfriend shows serious disrespect and doesn’t bode well for her future boyfriends. She’s behaving in a selfish, disloyal, and disrespectful manner.

So, I think Jack needs to move on, get over it, and find a woman who isn’t manipulating him and who is available for starters.

Coloma's avatar

Jackass Jack and pandering Miranda, aaah the roles people craft fro themselves. lol

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Their emotional affair is probably well known which means their professional credibility will go down since Miranda is supposedly in another relationship. The trip to London will be assumed to be grounds for a physical affair whether it happens or not. Miranda needs to leave this guy alone and the guy needs to face up to the fact that his single status isn’t going to protect him from disrespect. There are no innocents here.

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