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HCIAAGO's avatar

How should I ask the girl I'm dating to be my official girlfriend?

Asked by HCIAAGO (18points) September 23rd, 2010

Ok there’s this girl that really likes me. How can I tell? We’ve been dating for three months, she tells me she likes me a lot + we mess around a lot. Anyway I have developed feelings for her as well. When is a good time to talk to her and ask her to be my girl?

1) After we mess around and are cuddling. Is this an appropriate time?

2) On our next date I would basically pick her up and tell her, “I want you to come with me as my girlfriend and not just friend anymore”, possibly throwing in some flowers to add to give me some “romantic” points (never got her flowers yet).

3) Any other suggestions?

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12 Answers

BarnacleBill's avatar

I would suggest inviting her to do something specific, rather than just surprise her with doing something nice. Girls like a little time to prepare for dates. Flowers are a nice touch. Not only with her but if she’s living at home, with her mother. Pick something to do that you think she would like to do. Go to an art museum? Go dancing? Think of it in terms of “what could I do to show her that her happiness is important to me?”

jrpowell's avatar

You are simply asking to be exclusive. I wouldn’t overthink this. To her it might already be implied.

If it was me I would just refer to her as my girlfriend and see how she reacts. Three months is a long time.

HCIAAGO's avatar

Yeah it is sort of implied. She knows I don’t go after any other girls and I know she doesn’t go after any guys. She said she’d be upset if I was with another girl. I said the same, although I acknowledged that since we weren’t technically going out she is allowed to do so and that I have that right as well (although I have never used it).

She doesn’t consider me her bf and I don’t consider her my gf because we technically aren’t official. She tells me how she wants to be in a committed relationship. I just want to clear up the confusion and make it official.

To me just dating and being someones bf are two largely separate things. It takes a lot for me to drop the single status and call someone my girl…

ducky_dnl's avatar

@johnpowell is right. She probably already sees you as her boyfriend.

I’d tell her after a date perhaps? Take her to dinner and then ask her. It’s as simple as that.

cookieman's avatar

Contractual obligation, in triplicate. Be sure to have your lawyer present. Might want to think about a pre-nup.


You could plan a romantic and fun evening doing something she’d specifically enjoy and ask her to be your ‘official’ girlfriend (or steady, or whatever they call it).

Trillian's avatar

Give her a certificate, have a photographer take your picture shaking hands and holding the paper. Send out announcements that say “It’s Official!”
Prepare to account for every moment of your time and learn to nod and say “Yes dear.” and “If that’s what you want honey, that’s what we’ll do.” and “I’m sorry, I was wrong and you were right.” and “I will never leave the seat up again.’ And MEAN it!

thomascruz's avatar

Make T shirts.

Vortico's avatar

Joke around by asking her if you and her should be “Facebook official.” (By this I mean change the relationship status on your profile.)

92elements's avatar

your’e in the friend zone be prepared for a let down

Blueroses's avatar

You’ve already both acknowledged the mutual feelings so, I’m inferring that the question isn’t “will I be rejected?” but “what is the best way to express this to her?”
You know her best and every person is different. It doesn’t have to be hearts and flowers and the perfect romantic setup. For me, I get a zing from a casual “have you met my girlfriend?”
The public admission of commitment is intoxicating. Then, it leads to “did you mean that?” and “hell, yeah!”

sliceswiththings's avatar

I am a commitment phobe (female, 22). When guys I’m dating ask me to be their girlfriends, I run for the hills. However, with my current boyfriend (ta-da!) it was different. It’s all about the wording: he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend, but rather asked if he could call me his girlfriend. There’s so much subtext for me, which may or may not actually be there. “Be my girlfriend” implies that something will be changing, and that it’s a transition, whereas “call you my girlfriend” implies no change, just that “i don’t know what to call you and girlfriend feels right.” Also “be my girlfriend” seems to be on the guy’s terms, submitting to be his trophy (etc.) whereas “call you my girlfriend” makes it seem like my terms, that he is submitting to my seductive prowess and is so proud and excited to be with me that he wants to tell the world.

As for timing, he asked me this post-messing around, cuddling (Option A). I didn’t say yes right away, it took me a few days, but I did. It was a good time to ask because we had just had great sex because it was a tender moment, but towards the end of the date. If you mention it at the beginning and she’s not sure it will be the elephant at your date.

You could also try “Can I be your boyfriend?” instead if you suspect she’s like me. Also, don’t push being facebook official for a while (unless she brings it up), that’s a whole other level of commitment. Announcing to people you hardly know that you’re in a relationship is great, announcing to them that it ended when you take down your relationship status in the future is not so great.

Keep us posted!! Good luck!!

Stephystars263's avatar

At school call her your girlfriend and later on your next time tell her that you like her a lot too and ask her if she doesnt mind her new nickname. She should get the hint that you mean “girlfriend” but if she doesnt , remind her and tell her that if she doesnt mind her new nickname then she can give you a new nickname too. (boyfriend)

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