Social Question

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Can an ex who's now a friend come to the wedding?

Asked by MyNewtBoobs (19059points) September 24th, 2010

Richard and Lisa are getting married next month. Lisa has invited her very close friend, Steve. Seven years ago, Lisa and Steve dated. Since then, they have turned into very good friends, and Lisa wants him to be at her wedding. Richard doesn’t want him at the wedding, thinking that Steve will ruin the wedding and maybe even steal Lisa. Lisa swears that she has no more romantic feelings for Steve, and would never try the relationship by doing things such as crying on Steve’s shoulder after a fight with Richard.

Who’s side are you on?

Does that change if Steve told Lisa he was still in love with her at her bachelorette party?

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14 Answers

iamthemob's avatar

First scenario: I’m on Lisa’s side.

Second scenario. I’m still on her side. But if I were Lisa, I would tell Steven that he shouldn’t come to the wedding in that case. Whatever he wanted to accomplish by telling her, it wasn’t going to happen. He put his feelings potentially in front of hers, and she doesn’t need to be reminded of that at her wedding.

If he’s a good friend, he’s going to understand.

Richard’s opinion shouldn’t matter in this case, on facts given. I’m sorry, but you don’t get to pick your spouse’s friends.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m on Lisa’s side. Kind of. She’s been clear about her platonic leanings towards Steven, even to the point of saying she wouldn’t turn to him for friend comfort after any arguing with Richard.

I’m not on Steven’s side since he’s said as recent as the bachelorette party that he still loves Lisa and I’m assuming he means in the not platonic way. Steven needs to keep his emotions in check since they aren’t reciprocated by Lisa and can only be a distraction and annoyance. He doesn’t need to be at the wedding because that’s for invited guests who want to celebrate the couple and not put on a fake glad face when everyone else knows he’s pining away for the bride.

AmWiser's avatar

I agree with @iamthemob Although I’m on Lisa’s side, I understand that she probably just wants to share her special day with all her friends…but in this case don’t start no shit, and there will be no shit! Also if Steve told Lisa he still loves her, she needs to nip that crap in the bud now by letting him know he shouldn’t even want to attend her wedding.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

What’s wrong with Richard, seriously? I invited many of my exes to my wedding including my ex husband but his current partner thought it too weird.

Seek's avatar

I personally invited two of my husband’s exes to our wedding. I would have loved to meet them. Neither showed up.

Richard has insecurity issues.

chyna's avatar

Does Richard know about Steve telling her he is still in love with Lisa? Does Steve have a history of ruining occasions?

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@chyna Yes, and I don’t know.

SuperMouse's avatar

Ok this is weird! I read the question and was squarely on Richard’s side. It is his wedding as much as it is Lisa’s and if he doesn’t want her ex there she should honor that request. Then I realized that I wouldn’t mind a bit if my SO’s exes were at my wedding. Strange for sure.

chyna's avatar

I’m with Richard then. It’s as much his day and if he doesn’t want someone in the audience lusting after his wife, he shouldn’t have to worry about it.

Pandora's avatar

I think it is both of their weddings. Not just Lisa. Whatever the reason, whether it be justified or not, he should be allowed to enjoy his wedding as well. She is suppose to be marrying her best friend.
If her friend is a real friend he would understand and not make waves on this happy occassion of two people who are about to take vows about honoring each other.
If she is that incensitive to his feelings already, than there is no point in her taking those vows.
Bet if he invited a few of his ex’s she wouldn’t be happy. Especially if any of them look better than her on her wedding day. Its his WEDDING DAY TOO!

lillycoyote's avatar

From what I hear, marriage is about compromise and sometimes putting the needs and wants of your partner ahead of your own, even if those needs may or may not be slightly irrational. Though does Richard have some reason to be concerned? I think maybe he does as Steve has made it clear that he is still in love with Richard’s future wife and Lisa seems more than willing to maintain a relationship with Steve even though she knows he has feeling for her, it’s not purely a friendship for him, apparently. As far as their marriage is concerned I don’t think this is the hill she should die on, as they say. And by the way, I don’t think Lisa is doing Steve any favors by trying to maintain a relationship with him when he has made it clear that he wants different things out and not just different, but more out of it than she does. That’s not fair to him. I think that is kind of leading him on. So, for me, Lisa should concentrate on her relationship with her new husband and try to ease Steve out of the picture, for all of their sakes. Right or wrong, that’s what I think. Why do people create such drama in their lives? What to they get out of it?

Frenchfry's avatar

What @Pandora and @SuperMouse said. It is his wedding too.Respect his feelings or the two should not be married.

submariner's avatar

I went to the wedding of an ex-gf who had become a friend. No problems resulted, but I was not carrying a torch for her, either.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

The only thing that makes this awkward is Steven is still in love with Lisa and isn’t content to just be friends. Her intentions of friendship don’t match his and I’m sure Richard senses that and so is uncomfortable as to why Steven would want to attend a ceremony that celebrates Richard and Lisa.

I am invited with my partner to my ex husbands coming wedding and he and his soon-to-be-wife are invited to my wedding. My last longterm lover of several years, though a friend is not invited to our wedding because he is still in love with me and has not gotten passed wanting me as his partner of choice. It would be unfair for me to have him with us because I know he would be more sad at our lost opportunities than he would be in the happy mood of the rest of our guests.

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