Social Question

randomguy45's avatar

Should I ask my parents whether or not my girlfriend and I can spend the night together?

Asked by randomguy45 (51points) October 5th, 2010

My gf and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I’m a freshman in college and she’s a senior in high school. On the 24th it will be our 2 year anniversary, my family will be out of town for the weekend. I wanted to spend the weekend with her at my house so we could have some quality time together.
We’ve spent the night together 3 times before without getting caught, but I’d like to tell them. They aren’t the strictest parents and they leave us alone at the house once in a while, but I want them to be ok with us being together overnight.

(Sorry for the long detail)

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19 Answers

Neizvestnaya's avatar

If she’s under the age of consent in the state you live in then don’t ask your parents to know about it going on under their roof. For whatever reason, if the girl’s parents or she ever have issue with you then you don’t want to have your parents involved or laid blame upon.

MissA's avatar

Only you know your parents. Maybe it would be okay. For most, I would say no…disrespectful.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

If respecting your parents and their values is important to you and if it is legal to have sex with your girlfriend at all, then ask them if you plan to use their home for your “quality time.”

Otherwise, rent a motel room.

iamthemob's avatar

Do her parents approve? Because it would be a little unfair to put your parents in the position of approving of something like that without that information.

lovestolearn's avatar

I think it would be good to tell them the truth this time. I suspect they will be understanding.

truecomedian's avatar

Though shalt not deflie thy parents bed with the bait of thine jail.

randomguy45's avatar

Age of consent is not an issue. In most states, if both parties are within 4 years of age, it’s legal.
By quality time, I wasn’t implying sex. We are both abstinent and plan to be for a while. My parents, however, wouldn’t believe me if I told them that. Correct me if I’m wrong, but sleeping next to and waking up next to the person you love is unlike anything else in the world.

Mom2BDec2010's avatar

Just ask them – the worst that can happen is them say no.

cazzie's avatar

Geez… this would be a given in my house, if my parents were going out they’d expect my boyfriend and I to stay together, I wouldn’t even have to say anything. And like you, it’s not like we’d be ‘doin’ it’.... it would just be to be close. It is nice to ‘play house’ at that age… before the agony of the dirty sock on the floor kicks in. ;oP

But like @MissA said… only you know how your parents would feel about it. Are they the type would would hand you the house keys and say, ‘Have fun!’ or are they the type would would expect you to, but not want to know about it openly (like my parents were.. but only AFTER I turned 18)... or are they the type to feel betrayed that you did it and not tell them and get into a huge argument over it?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

You’re grounded. ;)

I would tell you no

randomguy45's avatar

Thanks for all the great suggestions.

It just confuses me because, they could care less about her coming over to my dorm room in college. How is my room in our house any different? The only problem is that there’s no way to prove that we aren’t going to have sex. My dad, especially, would think that I was just lying.

@cazzie I completely agree. They’re the type that would trust that I make smart decisions, but they don’t want to promote the situation. Like, they’re not about to encourage us to spend the night together more.

This may seem odd, but maybe I could ask my grandma? She and I are pretty close, and she’s a pretty straight-forward gal. Idk, that might just be a weird thing to do. It would be smart, though, because she’s not directly involved, but she’s entirely trustworthy.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@randomguy45 I would make absolutely sure that you aren’t violating age of consent laws in your state. It would really suck to spend the rest of your life on the sex offenders registry for not doing your homework.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@randomguy45 -Decorum.
It is their house/their rules.It doesn’t matter if you spend the night together at your dorm.

alovehangoverr's avatar

Well, what about her parents? Are you planning to let them in on this? Because I can’t imagine your parents being ok with this while hers still remain in the dark.

As for the “it doesn’t make sense we can be in my dorm alone” sort of thing—it’s completely different. Is it hypocritical & ultimately not make sense? Sure.. but it’s their house, their rules. They can’t control what you do off at college in your dorm with your girlfriend or otherwise, but they can control what you do in their house.

Same sort of scenario—I’m 23, my boyfriend is 22. They’re perfectly fine with me staying over at his house, but were really put off by having him stay over here. Make no sense? Sure. But again, it’s a level of comfort.

I can’t say for certain, since I don’t know your parents or her parents, but there is no way in hell my parents (or the parents of my partner) would have let me stay over with a boyfriend while I was still in high school. (I get that she’s a senior.. but.. come on. What parents are really ok with their high school aged daughter staying with some dude over night all alone?)

And, sex or not, that’s not really the point. You guys could have sex in the middle of the day, hah.. it’s more or less the idea of “playing house” or “playing adults” in their residence.

randomguy45's avatar

@papayalily I guess you didn’t read the two other posts after the original question. Age of consent in MD is 16. There’s also an age gap provision that makes it legal if the parties are within a 3 year age difference. That’s still irrelevant because we are abstinent.

I see what you all are saying about the “their house, their rules” thing. The thing is, regardless, we’re still going to spend a night or two together on that weekend, it’s just a matter of being honest with my parents.

@alovehangoverr You make some good points. However, I like to think that I’m more than “some dude,” her family and I are really close and they know me pretty well, but I see your point. I do know that her parents wouldn’t knowingly let her spend the night at my house.

Sounds like the general consensus is that if I told them, they wouldn’t allow it. So, I most likely won’t tell them.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

@randomguy45 No, I read them, I just thought you said “most states” but weren’t sure about your state.

MissA's avatar

The fact that you are putting your situation out here for us all to weigh in on, says a lot about you.

You know what is right…do it. You’re an honorable guy.

mattbrowne's avatar

No, if you are well educated and know how to deal with risks and consequences.

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