General Question

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Going through a rough time, what do you recommend me doing?

Asked by nailpolishfanatic (6597 points ) November 23rd, 2010

I just got my grades today for my 1st Pre-IB semester and I did very bad. I got -3 in Biology and thats the lowest grade on the scale. And adding to that this teacher hates me, I am guessing maybe he’s a racists because all the other white kids got good grades except for me…
adding to that he also sent me a message saying “Your grade record shows that you do not live up to the standards of this programme and that it will not be possible for you to be transferred to the IB Diploma Programme”

I have never cut myself before but now since people say it relieves the pain I really feel like doing it, but am scared :(
I am crying as am doing this and I have been doing it for about 2 hours now…. and its causing me to have a headache.
At the moment I don’t ever want to see this teacher!!
Fuck him!

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37 Answers

FutureMemory's avatar

Go out for a walk to clear your head a bit. Don’t sit in front of the computer brooding about it, you’ll only feel worse. Get some fresh air right now.

syz's avatar

I would recommend that you go to the school counselor and get some help.

deni's avatar

Physically hurting yourself is not worth it. It’s one class. I don’t know what the IB Diploma Programme is…..but what grade were you expecting? If you think you did better than the grade you got you should go talk to him. Go for a walk, like @FutureMemory said. Just get out of the house. Mulling over your problems doesn’t help, trust me, you need to take your mind off it til you can talk to him.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@FutureMemory, but its raining and its very cold – WInter.
@syz , but I am always very sensitive when talking about things that make me feel really bad…..I always cry because I am a very fast/easily crier.
@deni , but i DONT WANT TO SEE HIM EVER AGAIN!

syz's avatar

@Thesexier So? Nothing wrong with crying. First, you need help dealing with your feelings. Second, you need an impartial third party to evaluate whether your grade is fair and whether you should be in a different level class. Or someone who can help you with getting a tutor or whatever it takes to improve your grade. That’s their job. Don’t wallow in self pity and drama. Take responsibility, look to your future, and seek out help.

Seaofclouds's avatar

Are you able to retake this course again to try to get a better grade next time? If so, are you able to take it with another teacher or is this person the only one there is? I agree with @syz about talking to a counseling. They can help mediate things between you and the teacher (especially if you think he is racist).

I understand that you don’t want to talk to him, but sometimes, going to the teacher and calmly asking them what you would need to do in order to pass and asking for their guidance (like if they could recommend tutors or anything like that) means a lot and can do a lot for your relationship with that teacher (meaning he may respect the effort you are putting in more).

Whatever you do, please, please, please, do not start cutting. It can lead to more problems down the road if it becomes your way out of dealing with what the true problem really is.

Seelix's avatar

@Thesexier – Chill out. You’re very upset and angry right now, but I promise it won’t be like this forever. Allow yourself to cry and to be upset about this. Emotions are okay, and cutting yourself isn’t going to make them go away anyway. Hurting yourself isn’t going to help anything; please don’t.

Unfortunately you’re going to have to see your teacher again, whether you want to or not. If you really think you’re being treated unfairly by him, speak to the principal or another administrator. It won’t be the first time they’ve had to deal with a disagreement like this.

Cruiser's avatar

Sorry, but I will call it like I see it. Kids know that they are struggling in a class so this grade should not be a surprise to you. You are the one responsible for this grade not your teacher and for you to throw down the race card is sad and then to come here and look for sympathy is sadder. You earned that grade and it is time you take stock in yourself as to why?

Good grades are quite easy to achieve and all it takes is focus and putting in the time to do the homework and study.

Teachers are just that…they teach and almost every teacher I have met has been more than willing not only to teach but to tutor and mentor their students. You really need to reach out to this man and ask for guidance and counsel as to what you need to do to achieve better grades. He know this secrete apprantly you don’t and it is time you find this out! Good luck to you @Thesexier you CAN do it! :)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Thesexier Are you still on now? Talk to me, please.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

The first thing I say to do when your going through a rough time is do nothing. Take several deep breaths and try to relax. Do that for me.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Thesexier You’re crossing through at least three different cultures, with different languages, teaching methods, etc. It’s going to be tough at times. I’m not a big fan of the race card. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to that.

wundayatta's avatar

Hi @Thesexier This must be horribly disappointing to you. I bet you’ve been working really hard, and after all that work, to be told you aren’t good enough has to be enormously frustrating.

At your age, these things seem much bigger that they will seem in twenty years, looking back on them. I know it seems like your whole world right now, but in time, you will see that it isn’t. Plenty of people do just fine without an IB. Really.

Please don’t look down on yourself, either, for not matching your expectations. This is not a measure of who you are. You are much more than your grades from any particular semester.

You know what I call these things; these setbacks? Another Fucking Learning Experience. Yeah, it hurts. Yeah, it’s awful. But it’s also something to learn from. Even from that teacher you hate. He should have given you warning much earlier in the term so you could have maybe improved things. Perhaps he is racist, but please don’t jump to that conclusion. You have to look at yourself, too.

It’s not bad to not do well. It’s just something that happened and it really, really won’t matter in the long term of your life. It’s just something to learn from. I tell you this because perspective can help you recover from setbacks. I know it’s hard to think about the long term perspective now, but try. This really is only this important now. It is not going to change your life in some drastic way.

Your pain is immense. I understand. I was wondering if you can turn to your mother for comfort? I forget what your family situation is there. Maybe your parents are back in your home land? Even so, look to who is caring for you for comfort. Seriously. Open up. They probably do care and will try to help. And if your teacher is being unfair, they can intercede for you. That’s our job, as parents.

Now the cutting. I understand how a physical pain is a good way to take your mind off a mental pain. I can’t say I’m above doing that, although I never used a knife. But all the time I was trying to deal with my pain, I had in the back of my mind that this was not a good way to deal with it.

This pain is only temporary. You are in the worst of it now. It will subside. It will. Please bear with it. Please try to get comfort in other ways. Please try to see this with perspective. Please understand that you have a host of people on fluther who care and don’t think any the less of you for this setback. You will have a find life. This is just a bump. Or as I say:

Another Fucking Learning Experience! :)

Seelix's avatar

@Thesexier – Why don’t you get into one of the chat rooms? It might be easier than waiting for posts.

marinelife's avatar

Do not cut yourself. It will not help.

Go to the school counselor and ask if there is another Biology class that you could transfer into. Or if you can get tutoring.

Do not give up.

john65pennington's avatar

Lets look at your whole picture. why has it come to this in grades? did you not understand the subjects? did you ever ask your teacher for help? so many students only have themselves to blame for bad grades. help is there, IF you ask for it. my granddaughter was the same way, until i finally talked her into asking her teacher to assist her on the side. she swallowed her pride and brought a C grade to an A. she did this herself, without my help.

Suicide or even thinking about suicide is the chicken way out. sit and think of how you can correct this situation. it does appear to be a racial problem here, unles other things are involved that you have not told us.

Have you talked to your parents? talk to one or both and get their advice, also. this is what they are there for…...to help their child.

You can make this happen. only you can make this happen…...for the good.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I’d answer if I had anything to add to some of the great responses you’ve already gotten:

This, too, shall pass.

Regardless of how the teacher feels about you, you have to do the work, and if you do objectively good work then the teacher can’t fault it unreasonably. (Often, teachers’ attitudes toward their students is student performance-based.)

The teacher may not be a good teacher; that’s possible, but if others in the class are getting the material and you’re not, then “how good the teacher is” (or isn’t) shouldn’t be your focus.

If you’re not understanding the subject and performing the work adequately then whether the teacher is racist, personally antagonistic to you for some reason or simply incompetent doesn’t matter. You need to find a way to understand the material. Perhaps you can pair with one of the kids who is doing well.

Zyx's avatar

Laugh in the face of adversity.
When sadness comes knocking at your door, kill it.

Anger and happiness go hand in hand, where sadness only produces more sadness.
Life can be hard, but when you’re stuck out in the desert without water, and infected with aids and three kinds of herpes, self-pity still isn’t going to do you that much good. And though you feel really bad you shouldn’t think of happiness as something rare like love. Happiness can just be seeing a cute animal or hearing an old song, as long as you let it be. In order to do that you just need to tell all the bad stuff in your life and in your head to fuck off. GET ANGRY.

bainskiln's avatar

Before you decide to cut yourself, you must realize that this is only going to satisfy you for a short period of time. It is also going to become an additive behavior and you will find yourself doing it more often and never resolving the problem at hand.
One way to resolve this is to talk to the teacher. Get all your feelings out and have an open mind when listening. 9 timeas out of ten our perception of the situation is wrong. Humans have a tendancy to see things the way they THINK they are, when really it is not the truth at all.
You must face your fears in order to build your self esteem and create a foundation for futher encounters. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but you will begin to see the positive effects almost immediatly. When similar situation happen in the future you will be better prepared.
Believe it or not you ARE handeling this situation right now. Do not allow yourself to carry this reisentment.You have taken a step by writing to someone and looking at the situation differently. You are establishing the fact that someone cares and that you are determined to resolve the situation or at least listen to others suggestions.
You WILL overcome this and it will make you a stronger person. REMEMBER YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. You are dealing with it and we all go thru things like these. No matter the outcome you are going to be a stronger person.
Tell the teacher how you feel in a calm and respectable manner and I PROMISE you will walk out that door with a sence of relief.
You are stronger then you think.
Do not give him the power to control you like this. You are getting great advice from these wonderful people. They are saying you are worth helping and that someone cares. Try the suggestions and do the next right thing.
*******Do NOT cut yourself, believe in yourself.*******
This is another suggestion and I know it will be hard to do, but try and putyourself in his shoes and think about the positive things that are going to come of this. Like- you might study more or that this will only make you stronger.
Do not let anyone take away your happiness. Relax and I PROMISE this problem will be resolved.You are growing and I am proud of you.Confront him and do your best!

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Well now some time has passed and I have read every single response that you GREAT people out there have given me.
First off – I haven’t cut myself.
Secondly I just read through my question again and I agree with some of you saying that I shouldn’t be addressing to race and so on. I take that one back because I think I may have over acted.
Well now after reading all of these responses and advice that you have given me I am actually thinking of talking to him tomorrow since I have Biology class with him. (but I don’t want to go to school), but again, after I read what you said I am going to step up my game and just go and stop being a chicken!
I will talk to him after class.

Though when I had an oral-exam in Biology and Chemistry the -3 that is in my question above is the grade that I got for the. When he told me the grade instead of calling be back inside the class like he did with the other students, he came out and said it out loud to the whole class. I felt so embarrassed because I was the only one in class who got that low.

About the school-councelor…I will maybe send her a message and try to get an appointment with her.

The school Co-Ordinator isn’t very nice as well. – I would rather stay away from talking to her.

On December 6th my class has a meeting where we go with our parents or just parents themselves, one by one in a room and the teacher tells my parents how I have been doing in school and so on. My mother promised to talk to this teacher of mine since he is one of the class Coordinators.

Thank you for all your advice and I think I will start doing my biology homework now.

Evian's avatar

You seem to have a much improved attitude by the end which is good, and a clear sign that you are very intelligent and thoughtful. The IB program is very rigorous, and somewhat designed to weed people out, so that may be where you are right now. That said, I think your teacher may be a bit old school, and overwhelmed, which means you won’t be getting much in the way of help from the teacher. They will set up random hoops for you to jump through and there is alot of judgement. So be it. That is a comment on their ability to teach, not on your ability to learn. Identify the hoops, do the jumps, keep close close track of what is asked and what you have delivered. Then you will be calm because YOU will know you have done well, regardless of a grade. Your parents are great helpers, as they will be able to read the teacher and tell you what to do. LISTEN! Their extra years on earth will benefit you!
Also, ask other,older students how they have dealt with this teacher – there may be some good tips, if not. There will be company, as I’m sure you are not the first student to tangle with a difficult teacher. Good luck and keep at it- you are very bright!

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Evian Thank you for the advice!
Now I am kind of wondering though because its only like 29 days remaining or some then I am moving back home to Iceland and there I will do my 2nd semester. So maybe from this day I should just continue doing what I am doing and just ignore the teachers comment on my grades or what? – Though I know my mother is going to talk to him when we have the meeting because she herself is actually very upset about it.

I CANnot WAIT TO GO BACK

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

nothing is ever as bad as it seems… nothing is ever as good as it seems… all you can do is be the best you that you can be… that’s good enough for me

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I agree with @syz: Go see your school counselor and express everything you’ve shared with us here.

Rarebear's avatar

When I got a bad grade in a class I went back to the teacher to ask for help. She gave me a bunch of extra homework and I worked diligently on it until I understood the material.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Thesexier These guys came up with some very good suggestions and I’m glad you’re applying some of them. Good for you. Just remember you’re there to learn, and sometimes it isn’t easy because you’re supposed to be learning new stuff. Don’t get overly frustrated. And don’t be afraid to go back and retake a subject. I’ve done it and I got the stuff through my head on the second try. Keep your chin up.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@all thank you
@Adirondackwannabe Yes but I cant retake it…
At the moment I am writing my acceptance letter to a school in Iceland since I am moving back Christmas time. – I really hope I get accepted.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Thesexier Okay, good luck with the rest of your courses. I had a couple of courses I never could grasp. I went on with what I understood and let someone else master computer programming, organic chemistry, etc.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

Thank you and yes, I will let Chemistry geniuses to do what they do best.

Evian's avatar

Always finish strong! Try to do the kind of work you would do in your new school. Leave a sweet good memory for your od school when you leave. That way you haven’t burned any bridges and perhaps they will appreciate your strength and intelligence after you are gone

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Evian hopefully they will.
I will start fresh after Christmas if I will be accepted in the school

answerjill's avatar

When I was in high school, I thought that one of my teachers was “out to get me.” His class was difficult and I usually did not get high grades. Plus, he sometimes seemed to pick on me. I actually wrote him a letter about how I felt and about how I wanted to figure out how to succeed in his class. That worked well for me because I was afraid that I would get emotional (cry) if I spoke to him. I think it was sort of useful.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

@answerjill Writing a letter is a great idea. I’m like that too sometimes, getting over-emotional and crying when talking about certain things. It can be really embarrassing.

@Thesexier Writing about your feelings, whether or not you end up sending them, is a good way of releasing your emotions in a healthy way. You also get the added bonus of looking back on it later and saying, “Wow, look how much better an attitude I have now!”

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