General Question

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

I'm 40, female, cute &fun...does a younger guy WANT me to ask him out?

Asked by Crossroadsgrl (919 points ) December 15th, 2010 from iPhone

Meaning, even if I’m 5 years older, and divorced, do men still want to do the pursuing
I’m hearing a lot DO NOT pursue a man, just let him be around you and decide himself
If you guys are interested do you ask?

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28 Answers

Winters's avatar

I’m a guy and I ask her out, though I do know from experience that sometimes a girl will ask a guy out though normally in a more elusive, indirect manner such as after hanging out I’ve been asked, “hey do you want to come over later and cook with me and a couple of friends?” (only to discover that by friends she must have meant the condoms and the pill)

(I haven’t met a gal that ever directly asked a guy out, just wanna put that out there before someone says that they’re a gal or they know a gal with the confidence or initiative to ask the guy out).

And welcome to fluther

YARNLADY's avatar

I met my husband when I was 32, and he was 24. There was no asking out as such, because we both belonged to the same club and attended meetings together. As I remember it, (over 35 years ago) he suggested we go to his apartment, and I agreed, since I was sharing a motel room with another woman. Our relationship began at a convention with meetings and meals shared, and progressed from there.

I guess what I am saying is just take it easy and it will be easy.

Eggie's avatar

Sure you can ask him out…..age is just a number you know

Bluefreedom's avatar

If I was younger, I think I’d definitely find it appealing if you asked me out. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a decent percentage of men that wouldn’t mind being asked out by a woman. After all, isn’t it the customary way a lot of the time that men usually pursue the women and having it the other way around is kind of a fresh perspective on the whole thing? Just curious.

mattbrowne's avatar

Yes, numerous studies confirm this. A 40-year-old woman can be far more attractive (which goes beyond physical beauty and includes traits like charm and wit) than a 30-year old woman.

BoBo1946's avatar

Why heck yes… this is the 21st century. Age is just a number. Go for it!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

When I was 19 or 20 an older woman, guessing 34 or 35 pursued me, and it intimidated me. By the time I was 30 to 35, that would have been something I would have enjoyed. Just look at your target and if you think he’s mature enough, go for it.

sleepdoc's avatar

I would say that the short answer is yes, but you have to find the right guys.

john65pennington's avatar

My “old school” beliefs are still in place. meaning, the gals do not ask the guys for a date. i still believe that in doing so, the gals appear to be desperate. i would never have respect for a woman who asked me out on date. like i said, i am from the old school and still survive on the old school beliefs.

I believe that you are cute and a lot of fun. if this is true, then why should you have to do the asking out? if its like you say, the guys should be knocking down your front door to ask you for a date.

GladysMensch's avatar

What’s the big deal? You’re not asking the guy to marry you. You’re not baring your soul. Just be casual. “Hey, I’m heading over to wherever, you wanna join me?” A guy’s got issues if he’s intimidated by that.

JLeslie's avatar

Maybe if you ask in a passive way? “We should grab lunch sometime.” Then he knows you are open to going out with him, but he does not have to say yes on the spot, and can still do the formal asking. But, I am a 42 year old woman and have no real idea how a 35 year old single guy really thinks.

Seelix's avatar

I wouldn’t worry about being the one to do the asking. If he says no, don’t pursue it any further. If you’re the kind of confident woman who can make the first move, and he’s the type to be turned off by that, you wouldn’t want to be with him anyway, right?

Scooby's avatar

Well I’m 43 years young, maybe too old for you if your going for younger guys, but I’ve been asked out by a few women, quite a few really, friends of friends…. I guess it’s because the friends know I’m single & well, we all need a little company some time, so what the hell just go for it & ask the bloke out… if he knocks you back it maybe worth your while setting your sights a little higher in the age bracket, say around 43, someone a little more mature!? Well maybe not but good for a laugh anyway! ;-)

MrsDufresne's avatar

It should come naturally really. If you like someone and you feel they have similar feelings, then you could. It depends on the individual guy. Some men fear women that are confident enough to ask a guy out, and some guys are attracted to it. I guess it just depends on what your heart tells you you should do. Good luck to you.

gorillapaws's avatar

I’m 29, and enjoy it when a woman asks me out. I’m not particularly attracted to older women though, although many of my friends love older women. It’s just not my thing, but you have nothing to loose by giving it a shot.

stump's avatar

I love when a woman takes the initiative. For shy guys, the prospect of asking a woman out is full of anxiety. There have been many times that I have wanted to ask a woman out and not had the guts. To have had a woman I was attracted to ask me out would have been a wonderful surprise. And don’t worry about the age thing.

Paradox's avatar

Hopefully the age old concept that women shouldn’t ask men out will fade away soon. I guess if men ask women out that means the guy is desperate as well.

Personally for me being a younger guy who is somewhat reserved and quiet I always preferred it when a girl made a first move such as asking me how I’m doing, bringing up a topic or asking me if I would be interested in doing something with them. However, beyond that point I always preferred to be the one to decide to go further with it or ask her on a real date after the girl made the first move.

I’m not sure what type of guy you’re looking for however. Some guys may get turned off from you asking so if you’re looking for a more assertive type of guy this tactic might not work too well. If the guy is more on the quiet or shy side you have to tread lightly as well because you might intimidate them. I would suggest asking him if he wanted to do something with you in private away from other people or just letting him know you like him and wanted to get to know him better and see if he takes it from there. I’m only going by own experiences as well as a few people I knew personally so I can’t vouch for everyone’s experiences.

Asking the guy out on a casual date or at least letting him know you are interested in getting to know him better should not pose too much of a problem unless the guy has some masculine insecurity issues with himself. The key here is too allow the guy to have some decision making power as well. Leave him do some work as well beyond the initial encounter. Making a first move is different from asking somebody out but I’ve seen several girls have success with it and they are happily married now.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

Well John65, lol, I appreciate your response. All of these were MOST helpful.
Guys aren’t knocking down my door because I’m with my 3 kids ;) ....doing their things and have only recently been single btw.
Now I will say, I desperately know what I Like ! Lol. So I guess that could intimidate if I was too forward.
But in response to Winters, I absolutely never mean I’d like to have sex with you. :0.
I’m talking about a concert or ballgame~ real let’s get to know each other things.
The other is easy…..let’s all do something REAL and see if we need to be moving on to something more.
These posts are very helpful especially getting the actual younger guys’ perspective.

It’s a tricky situation cause this guy wouldn’t know he COULD ask me out. If this makes sense.
It almost has to start with me, if that makes sense.
But I like what Paradox reminded me…to then back OFF so you he could decide from there.

makemo's avatar

Everything’s personal. In my book, age doesn’t matter much. I’m married to a woman who has 6 years plus on me and I find that in partnerships you (hopefully) tend to reach a certain middle-point where both of you feel an equal age(lessness), especially when ‘play’ comes into… play. So as for your mentioning of age differences – screw that. Period. If he’s taking the bait, he is taking the bait, regardless of him being younger or older than you.

Within certain limits, I think relations in general and things like said issue of pursuing a prospective partner shouldn’t be so rational. If you do have a desire to make a pursue (as in, if the world and its ‘rules’ were all made by your own hand, in which case you then find that you would never want to constrain your own desires and emotions in pursuing a hot prospective), then you SHOULD do it. Now.

Sorry for talking in riddles. But heck, what I’m trying to epress is, stop thinking and just grab your man. If he gets the shakes (and they always do), don’t be late following up with some harsh ignorance. (Again, that will always do it.) After a while, do not forget to quickly switch gears, when you feel you start to gain momentum, by letting him get the chance to pursue you. There’s the key: Whomever starts the pursue shouldn’t matter, as long as both of you get your fair chances to lure each other into your own (fine, personal, elaborate, intimately scented) baits.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

Awesome
Thanks :)

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

What about this “be quick to follow up with some ignorance ?”
Lol
Not sure about wanting to be ignorant ;)
You mean don’t forget to back OFF ?!!
??
Love this fluther thing…....

makemo's avatar

@Crossroadsgrl: Yes, something like that :) I realize my english is sometimes misleading. What I meant was, try and turn the other way around; instead of being the pursuer, see what happens when you “appear to have forgotten” your initial move. Sudden abruts can gain a lot of interest and deliver a fascinating sense of curiousity in your prospective’s mind.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

Counting down the necessary days ( appropriate reasons for waiting )

Thanks, I understand, makemo ;)
Again all of this is incredibly helpful and I take it all to heart.

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

I’m asking this younger guy out this week.
Anytime from Sunday ~ Thursday but am going to call ahead instead of the original barging in to his office. So I’ll call to see if he wants to meet for lunch and then use much of the advice given here thanks SO much ;)
I had to take care of personal things before feeling this was appropriate . Wish me luck :)

Crossroadsgrl's avatar

Makemo .. I did a Sudden Abrubt with another guy to practice.
W o w you were right on the money he’s STILL trying to connect with me it’s been 3 weeks .

Soo grateful for this advice I’ll apply it again next week

makemo's avatar

What’s the situation?

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Benjamin Franklin had something to say about this 266 years ago to a young friend contemplating marriage:

Philadelphia, June 25, 1745

My dear Friend:

… But if you will not take this counsel and persist in thinking a commerce with the sex inevitable, then I repeat my former advice, that in all your amours you should prefer older women to younger ones. You call this a paradox, and demand my reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when women cease to be handsome they study to be good. To maintain their influence over men, they supply the diminution of beauty by an augmentation of utility. They learn to do a thousand services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an older woman who is not a good woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much inconvenience.

4. Because through more experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an intrigue to prevent suspicion. The commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the affair should happen to be known, considerate people might be rather inclin’d to excuse an older woman, who would kindly take care of a younger man, form his manners by her good counsels, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes.

5. Because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the neck; then the breast and arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a basket, and regarding only what is below the girdle, it is impossible of two women to know an older from a younger one. And as in the dark all cats are gray, the pleasure of corporal enjoyment with an older woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every knack being by practice capable of improvement.

6. Because the sin is less. The debauching a virgin may be her ruin, and make her for life unhappy.

7. Because the compunction is less. The having made a young girl miserable may give you frequent bitter reflection; none of which can attend the making an older woman happy.

8thly and lastly. They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely

Your affectionate friend,

B. Franklin

Coloma's avatar

Ah haa!
Sooo that’s where Andy Rooney got his take on the gratitude and attitude of “older women! Yep, we don’t care what you’re thinking anymore. lol

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